coffee date: {grateful}

It's been a while since I've linked up with  Alissa @ Rags to Stiches for a coffee date,  but I'm totally in a fall coffee kind of mood and I want to share today. Over a venti Pumpkin Spice Latte  (my favorite coffee ever! oh my be still my beating heart!!!) I'd tell you: 
I did the math last night and realized that I am working a 70-hour work week this week.   It's kind of a hazy blur, and yeah it's a lot of crazy hours, but I'm managing OK.
It'll make my weekend that much sweeter when it finally gets here.
I'd tell you that in what down time I had this week:
I've caught up with old friends in email and text,  checked a few things off my to-do list (like renting a textbook for my new major in Business Marketing:  back to school after 10 years of this full time+ career and I'm excited!) read some great new blogs, made myself a blog button,  and finally caught up on my She Reads Truth Proverbs Daily. 

I'd share that today was Proverbs 27 and verse17 has been finding me all yearlong.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  
A constant reminder that the people who are falling in & out of my life  in person & here in the blogger world are all there for a purpose. I'm starting to see how some of the dots of sadness and disappointment are connecting  into a bigger picture kind of woven story that's all my own.

I'd tell you that despite these long days:  I had a great dinner with my friends Carrie, Jacob, and their baby Olivia.  I woke up to a picture of cute baby Owen the other day.  The clouds and sky all this week have captivated me. I made it to the gym to run twice early in the AM after my shift. I saw my childhood friend who was having her first kind of great day after the last couple of months of chemo/radiation. I spent time with my Uncle.  Time with him will be gone sooner rather than later.  It's bittersweet.  We have peace in knowing he'll go to a better place, but we will miss him.  Our law enforcement community lost another patrol officer due to a senseless gunman.  It is happening to often and a loss of one is a loss to us all.  It makes my heart heavy. I held back tears when a friend told me nonchalantly that she prays for me everyday.  I didn't hold back tears when another friend thanked me for loving her and her family unconditionally and that a quick email to check in on her early at 5am was a major comfort to her when she really needed it.  Timing. My other lesson this year.
Finally, I'd tell you that this has been a busy week but when I sat down to write this coffee blog,  I realized how grateful I really am and should be. 
I have a good, reliable job, a house of my own to live in,  precious friends & family that love me, and I have a lot of: goals, ambition, dreams, and opportunities that have yet to come to light. 
I hope you all have had a great week and good weekend that is still yet to come.  <3

{just} because

Busy is as busy does and I've missed a couple of posts that I meant  to get up in the last week or so.  Today seems like a perfect day to play catch up! If you haven't had a chance  yes, check out Operation Beautiful,  Hosted by Shane {Whispering Sweet Nothings}. It's a great opportunity for a little self-reflection,  and a gentle reminder to appreciate who we are as women.
My opinions on what I think is beautiful, heck my opinion of myself, is an evolution.  I don't necessarily feel beautiful day-in day-out,  but I'm learning to see myself through other people's eyes,  be more forgiving and less of my own worst critic.  Seriously, girls, we are harder on ourselves than we should be!
My entry for Operation Beautiful IV: 

My other little catch-up for the week is for the last Jewelry Swap hosted by Melissa  {Life of a Not So Ordinary House Wife}
I had a nice shift change weekend/Labor Day weekend and when I finally got around to checking the mail, I found these awesome, and brand new feather earrings in my mailbox from Marissa {Everyday Lounge Act}. Thanks Marissa!!!
You see I have a Las Vegas trip coming up and they are a perfect match  for the outrageous skirt I bought to wear out.  

I'm going for a Las Vegas Neon Sign look.  We've decided that I shall be called Tropicana the night I don this outfit.   Or Tropical Thunder. It's still being discussed... Yup. Hot (yeah girl) neon mess.   Meow.  So yeah... Viva Las Vegas & Happy Thursday to you all!!! <3

Lo made a {button}!

Knock one more off the to-do list! 

I finally made myself a lil' ol' blogger button!

It's here or on my sidebar if you want to swap. 

{uhh...still figuring out the sponsor/swap thing too}

I used {this} tutorial from Jade Louise Designs and found it to be really helpful.

It's not has hard as it looks, but still some trial & error for this gal. 

   

<a border="0" href=http://meandmybeautifulmess.blogspot.com/ " target="_blank"><img src="http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f234/lolo_h2o/bloggerbutton.jpg"/></a>

Slowly but surely, I'm working through all this blogger schtuff. 

Now to clean up this mess of a blog...yeah, yeah, I have plans you see. 

In time...in time...stay tuned.

Happy Hump day to you all, it's almost the weekend again!!!

7 {wants}

It's Tuesday! Time for another You Challenge: 
This week is {7} Wants: 
1) I want a nap.

Source: via Karin on Pinterest

  Seriously, just about every day, I want a nap at some point. Figure those things are for the really young or the really old,  but I think we need a campaign to bring those back for all the people in between.  I'll sign that petition. 
2) I want to be debt-free someday.
but if I had extra $, I would totally do this next thing: 
3) I want to go here: 

Source: adelto.co.uk via Lauren on Pinterest

I want to go yesterday, today, tomorrow, each time for a long time,  and then on the regular for many, many years after that. 
4. I want November 7th to come quickly.  I hate politics, but I find myself neck deep in the local ones around here  and unable to escape the coverage of the state and local ones.  It's exhausting (and we're just getting started) I'll be glad when it's all over.
5.  more tattoos (if you have any, you know just how addicting  they are)

Source: fuckyeahtattoos.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6)  a fresh zip code, a new career, a start of a new chapter

Source: releasemecreations.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and lastly... 7.  I wan(t)na love you, and treat you right.   I wanna love you every day and every night...  ~ Bob Marley 
What do you want?  Head over to Lauren or Tiffany's blogs and join in!
 

I'm also linking up to the GFC Blog Hop with 
Melissa @ Life of a Not So Ordinary House Wife

{8} Fears

I'm running late today on this weekly entry so I'm gonna just lay it out there  and try not think too hard about these. 
I'm just gonna type until my fingers are done ...cause right now, tonight,  I think my heart and my head have some things to say. A lot of things.
Lauren & Tiffany, you asked, here you go:

  First off, I wouldn't say that I'm a really fearful person.  I'd say I'm kind of brave. I do a lot of stuff on my own.   I don't think it's a broken sense of security.
Quite opposite, in fact, I am pretty aware of my surroundings - more than most I'd say  I think that's by being the oldest, by being independent from an early age,  and by being in law enforcement for so many years.
I was raised in a family and by parents who had a strong faith in God and so do I.  I have a solid foundation that doesn't forsake me even when I ignore it. (Say it with an accent now) I am a God fearin' woman.  Yes, indeed I am.  I saw this today and thought it was perfect for this week's 10 Day You Challenge

 {via Facebook}
I know who I am, I'm not afraid of making mistakes,  I'm not afraid of learning things the hard way. I'm learning a lot about myself lately.

This next picture is a few years old.  

A good friend of mine, who knows me well, put this on my locker at work one day. 

I read it and remember distinctly recognizing for maybe one of the first times in my short life that 

the way I carried myself, the things I did and stood for, they were noticed. 

I remember distinctly being proud that someone would think this of me. 

I remember not wanting to lose that label of fearless.

This is one of the best compliments I've ever received.

I haven't read any of the other girl's lists in the link up yet today.   I didn't on purpose.   I didn't want their lists to influence mine. I wanted to really think about this. 
So here's my list of {fears}: 
1) Sharks Seriously, do I even have to explain this one?  Shark Week people.   'Nuff said. (but, guess what? a shark cage dive is on my bucket list. I will confront this fear. Someday.)
which leads me to...
2) large bodies of water they're beautiful, but it makes me get all panicky and nervous knowing that  I can't see or feel or know what is lurking, and swimming, and slinking about at the bottom. Nuh-uh, not gonna dew it.   Nope. NO. Negative.
also...I fear them because I don't want to 
3) Drown(ing) also...do I have to explain this one?  *shudder* *cough* *sputter*
4) Intruders I live alone. I don't like the things that go bump in the night. There's only so much a girl can do armed with a big dog and a cell phone.  I think it's worse cause I know first hand the intruder stories.  Meh.  Not cool at all.  I've been thinking about my 2nd Amendment Rights a lot lately. 
5) Heights - that is a fear that seems to increase with my age for some reason.   I don't like glass bottom elevators, I don't like looking over multi story balconies.  I get sweaty palms and my heart races and I want to go pee pee in my pants.
6) Spiders...to an extent, seeing them I'm ok... having them crawl on or around me, no, no, NO.
{story time} I had spider crawl up my dress once...I was sitting on the ground.  In about 1/2 nanosecond, I was up, I was screaming shrieking, I threw a pillow and I jumped up and down like I was a 3 year old in a bouncy house. I have a witness, he'll tell you it was true, but what he won't tell you and didn't tell me for like a year, is that he's afraid of spiders too. Ah-ha!!!!   Chicken.   Ok, so can we get real for a second.  Like really, real? 
  7) and we shall label this <3? I fear I will never be in love again. Like puppy dog kind of, head over heels, mutual (key word),  in love with your best friend kind of love.  Yeah.  It seems like a ghost or a dream or a fable. 
and last, but most definitely not least
8) Settling I fear that I'll settle and the thought of that damn near makes me ill. Like physically sick.  I see it all the time.  Personally, professionally...it's an epidemic.
I don't wanna settle for good not great ~ Brad Paisley
This isn't me being judgmental, this is me standing in the midst of this shit storm we call society's take on commitment and relationships and screaming at the top of my lungs but feeling like no one is hearing me.
So... it's funny or acceptable to see people cheat, lie, and degrade each other? It's ok to see people lie to themselves and not intervene? Stop the train wreck. I mean there's whole talk shows and "reality" shows that have that as the main story line. Marriage is, what? A trend? A phase?

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

I guess it's a double edged sword, swing too far to cautious  and  you risk never taking a chance on anyone and missing out on...your destiny?  Eh.  Swing too far the other way and you're in love every 5 seconds and it's cry wolf. 
Listen, I've been there,  on the other end of the phone listening to the stories scratching my head wondering what it is about love that makes people lose all sense of self and logic, then again in the bridesmaid's dress fully supportive on the outside while inside saying "noooo, don't do it!", and then finally with a shoulder to lean on and a spare bedroom to offer when it all comes tumbling down. 
Don't call me and expert by any means,  but more often than not, the writing is always on the wall.   They say when you know, you know.   And well, if you're just still standing there guessing cause you think it's better than nothing, or it's comfortable, or it's been long enough so it's do or die...even when there's that nagging voice of doubt, well listen to it and don't.   Don't do it.  Don't settle.  Please.  Save you, save me, save us all.  For the love of...LoVe.  *sigh* I read } this { recently and I really appreciated it.  
From a woman who lived and loved in a generation that made something of what they had, this is some tried and true expertise.  I don't know Grandma Carol, but I like her.  Honorable mentions: 
There's a couple of things that came to mind that I realized  don't frighten me and I wanted to mention them. This is not a judgement on anyone else,  this is just my life's opinion as I've experienced it thus far. 
I'm in no way looking forward  or hoping either  of these to happen, but  if/when they might, I don't fear these and here's why: 
Losing loved ones - not because I don't love them dearly, but because I know that I tell them and show them on a regular basis.  I make the time.  I know it's precious. I have an aging family, this is a reality for me every day.  I have embraced it.   I can't be selfish enough to think that I can close my eyes and ignore it.
I am learning, damn near every day, to try again, to give second and third chances, to apologize, to make amends,  and to tell people that I value them and want and need  them in my life. I'm also learning when it's time to give up, give in, and let things go.  That lesson is just as hard as swallowing my pride and mending fences.

Source: s-kinnyl-ove.tumblr.com via M on Pinterest

Having a child with a serious or fatal illness - some of the strongest people I know have had children who have fought and won and unfortunately fought and lost  to cancer, Batten Disease, and other rare diseases that have no cures. 
 These children are every bit as valuable, precious, and worthy of love as any "healthy" child.   These children are some of the bravest fighters I have ever had the opportunity to meet. These children are warriors.   All they know is fight, every breath is a struggle, but they keep going.  They're resilient. They're an every day lesson in life and love. 
I don't wish it on anyone and I don't understand the unfairness,  but I don't fear the ability to love unconditionally those who are different, sick, or "incurable".
So, loss, I don't willingly embrace it, but I understand it's purpose in life. 
I have said my goodbyes when the time has come,  I have listened and watched for the last few breaths,  I have felt the breathless sobs of the loved ones left behind, embraced the outstretched arms,  felt the relentless tears roll down off of cheeks and soak through the clothing that drapes my shoulders.   I've been there, felt it, comforted it, cursed it, denied it, and finally accepted it. 
And...if you're still here at the end of this long dissertation I just wrote,  I will give more honorable mention to these other "non-fears" cause we need some levity! 
Financial ruin, credit card debt, body odor, running out of gas, passing gas in inappropriate situations, karaoke, public speaking, making a complete and total ass of your myself, having my heart broken, saying "I love you " and meaning it, stretch marks, acts of nature, flying, and ever increasing chin hair.   Yeah, whattadya gonna do?  Just roll with it! Come on, we have got to get through this together!!!!
Next week...{7} Wants
I might, just might, go all Veruka Salt on you!!!
xOxoXoxOXoooX
XO ,
PS - I feel better now.  I do.  Writing.  Makes some of the funk go away.

{Versatile} Blogger

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Grand Jury"
*ahem* wait...
"I'd like to thank the Academy..."
oh no...wrong one again...hold up: 
"Dear John, ..."
Ok, ok, ok...no really, I got nominated! 
For the  *drumroll* Versatile Blogger Award!
by Nelly (AKA PartyMom) at Mom With An Agenda to Save {Nelly was my Grandma's name, gotta love it already!}

This award is a fun way for bloggers to share their favorite blogs  and to promote promising new blogs .
If you are nominated, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award.
The VBA Rules: 

•  Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
•  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy.
•  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. 
•  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.
•  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself

 I am paying it forward and nominating these ladies (I have 16, shhh don't tell!): 
Mellissa @ Kitchen.Garden.Love Jennifer @ My Not So Glamorous Life Lady A @ Anonymous A Ashley @ All Things Ashley  Angela @ Just a City Girl with Tractor Envy  Erin @ Shades of Gray and a Pinch of Pink Jill @ Ernestine Edna and Her Really Big Ideas Sippy Cups and Pearls Jodi @ Jod a la Mode  Lauren @ Tennessee Honey The Divvy Spot  Michelle @ All That Glitta & Blang Kayla Lynn @ Simple Bliss Tanya @ Knowing Tanya Jessica @ Where Simplicity Meets Complexity  Elizabeth @ Port of Thoughts 
Ok, so for 7 things about moi: 
* I am the oldest of 3 kids, my brother who ran across the country,  and my sister who is in school to be an RN * I am a 911 operator /Police/Fire dispatcher * I am Fillipino/Irish/German/Swiss * I really love salsa (well good salsa that is) * When I was in high school, I loved the Fugees,  so for about 6 months I spelled my name Lauryn after Lauryn Hill  * I bought/live in the house I grew up in * my hair right now is the longest it's been probably since I was a kid   and I <3 it !

Friday's {letters} v.3

Dear earliness of Friday, it's almost 4am and I have managed to paint the entire wall that's been on the to-do list for weeks now, hang the curtains with the IKEA wire thing I bought 5 years ago, and moved the big desk from the back room to the big room all by myself.  Dear injuries, yeah, welcome, that's what I get for doing everything by myself and after being up allll night long. Dear Sleep, you found me and seduced me two days in a row.  You seductress, I could not resist you and I'm glad I didn't.  I needed you like flowers need the rain. Dear Hot August Nights, I love you.  Dear Wildfires, I know that you're hot and scary, but I think you're beautiful and since I know the good folks that knock you down and keep you from harming people, I can sit and stare in awe of your colors and your smells.  It smells like late Summer to me!!!  Dear Sunday, well now, the 8 mile trail run that I signed up for, here you are and I am totally (completely and totally) unprepared   Well, I guess I shall run, walk, and crawl and even if it takes me 3.5 hours, I will finish!!!  Dear Hot Yoga, I know you've been missing me.  I've been missing you - a lot, in my heart, in my muscles, and in my mind. We will be together soon.  Dear SheReadsTruth, I'm behind, but I'm digging the Proverbs Lessons this go around.  I'll catching up slowly.  Dear Ashley, thank you so much for this honest post.  It was a good mirror read for me and I needed to see it more than you probably ever realized while you were writing it.  Dear Life, one day at a time, huh?  You're still teaching me lessons about all kinds of stuff aren't ya?  One day it'll all make sense. Thanks for the  comedy band aids on the hard days.  They're just what I need.   

{9} Loves

It's Tuesday and time for the weekly You Challenge

it is Week 2

and (in no particular order) these are my 9 Loves:

1. Great writers, like Andrea Balt who blow my mind with pieces like:

The Crazies Manifesto

that inspire me to write like this: Stand UP

& Tyler Knott who makes my heart beat a little faster when I read his words:

Source: google.co.uk via Lucy on Pinterest

2. My family 

{these are just the regulars ,^ that's my mom!^  this family goes on and on and on...}

3. Coconut.  Yes, the tropical fruit. 

Just a few months ago my aunt told me that I got it from my Grandpa Joe.  

He was from the Phillipines and he had a serious love of coconut flavored anything 

Apparently, it was in his blood and that's why it's in mine too. 

{this is my Grandpa: Joseph Prado Aquino}

4. Music - it floods my ears, my house, my car, my life

...oh let me count the ways I love, love, love music!

What's the quote?  "Music is love set on fire"

You get my drift. 

5. Travel - do I even have to explain this? <3

Source: prettystuff.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6. Summertime - sunshine on my skin, BBQs, kids out of school and free, July 4th, my birthday, tans, popsicles, beachy hair, lazy days, pedicures, sundresses, flip-flops, trips to the beach, concerts in the park, good times, good friends, great weather, oh Summer, may you always come around every year to remind us to be wild & free.

7. Tattoos - current count: {10}

{flower tattoo/Hawaii, compass rose tattoo/Austin, my back, my quarter sleeve front/back, my 31st b-day present}

{two foot tatts/2 ankle tatts, my sister and I have matching Celtic knot tattoos for sisterhood, my tatts on display}

8.  my friends

need I say more?  I didn't think so.

9. I love this house, this is my dream house.

 I don't even know where I got this picture, it's been downloaded on my computer for a number of years now, 

so if I'm infringing on anyone's copyrights, forgive me. 

I have dream - of a house like this, on a big piece of property where the weather gets a little sticky, the days are a little slower and easier, all of the neighbors are at least "down the road", and all of my loves, old and new come to stay, come to play, and come to make happy memories.

10 1/2 (oops) 9 1/2...thunderstorms...oh, I love thunderstorms.

They are like fireworks, I just stand and stare in awe. 

<3

PS - it's also the day for the GFC Blog Hop with Melissa,  don't forget to head over there and say hi!!

Dear {Friday} v.2

Dear Friday, 
Today is the day we shall affectionately call "The Day I saved myself from myself", today is the day I put the to-do list on hold, go to the beach, chill out in the sand, take some deep sea-side breaths, let it all go for a few hours, and just enjoy doing nothing.  Dear Mellissa, thanks for being my beach date today, it's gonna be great!! Dear Tylenol PM, I love you, you did me right last night. Dear body, you got a break this week, no training, but next week, oh yes, next week, no mercy.  None.  It's time to get back in the game.  Dear new followers, thanks for stopping by from the GFC Blog Hop this week, I tried to respond back to all of you, but I might have missed a couple.  Dear Melissa, thanks for being a great host yet again. Dear Amy, you are worth every cent and then some - coming home to a clean house is one of the best feelings in the world.  Dear Brother, thanks for coming over and fixing up the few things you did around the house even thought everything you touched cause something else to break, shatter, or fall, I think I still ended up ahead of the game. Dear Politics, we're gonna box this year, and it's gonna get messy. Dear Zac Brown Band, I LOVE your new CD, and that's pretty much it.  Love it. Will you marry me?   Dear Big & Rich, I don't make it to watching music videos much these days, but this video and this song, well, I've always loved your sound and this one is just another one of my favorites. Dear Sky, you continue to amaze me and take my breath away. Dear heart, yes, that beating, feeling thing in my chest you, you're quite a muscle, huh?  The things that make you beat, the things you can and can't let go, the things that you endure through and come out better for, well, sometimes I don't know how you do it, but you do and you continue to surprise me. Faith.Hope.Love. 
"...I'm only one person, but I can feel it working, that's why I pray... I believe in better days."
Happy, happy Friday to you all,  <3