Saturday, October 20, 2012

a {rebel} without a blog


I'm back.

I went away for a little while.  
(like 6 weeks awhile)
I do this sometimes. 

I'm OK.  Really. I am.  
I just got a little behind with the self-imposed writing deadlines and weeklies,
and then I got busy, and then I went on vacation, and, and, and...
I can't lie, I felt an uncomfortable amount pressure to keep this blog up and I didn't like it. 
I love to write.  
I do.  
I love to converse, text, talk, read, watch, listen...share.
Right now though...I'm kind of (fill in the blank)
Yeah, that's the word.
I'm in such a different place in my life and in my head than I was last time this year.
But, there are so many things on my plate, so many pressures that have to be met: 
work, bills, fitness, family obligations, speed limits when there's a really damn good fast song on!
I just can't get out of some of those, so I went and got out of the one that I could control. 
I could stop writing. 
I have power over that.
Yeah, I think not writing has been my rebellion. 
Does that make sense at all? 
I became a rebel without a blog.
All the while, the that tiny small voice was telling me:
Why are you giving up the one thing you really love?
It's your outlet.
You know how you get when you bottle it all up inside.

{my kitchen blackboard and love notes to myself}
Getting back here hasn't been as easy as I thought. 

It should be like riding a bike, just get back on, right?
That's what they say at least.
I had to do a little bit of convincing.
I had to romance myself with little sweet notes and reminders.
I had to imagine that I needed inspiration to post something again.
But really...I didn't have to do anything.
I just had to sit down and start again.
So right now I'm liking the creative fury of my fingers dancing on this keyboard.
It's a familiar melody that needs to be played more often.
Getting back on the writing saddle is like anything else. 
Showing up is half the battle but look, I'm already winning that one.
I'm here.  I showed up. 
I just gotta set some new rules so I don't find my way back to blank again.
Or maybe I don't need rules, I just need some Hemingway:
There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
Ernest Hemingway

{Hi, I'm back.}