I am just {me}

Well hi there,

I’m Lauren.

 But my friends, well, they call me Lolo, or Lo, or LC.

There's a few things about me you should know.  
You can do it fast, and click {here} for the stats.
Or you can keep reading, and I'll tell you a little story.

I'm thirty…{one} and proud of it. The way I see it, it’s an unapologetic place to be. 

I’ve got a lot of living and learning left to do, but you know, what I’ve come to realize over the last few years and certainly through the school of hard knocks that was my 20's is that when the music stops, the dust settles,  and the sun goes down:

I am just me.

I am a story still being written, unfiltered, flawed, imperfectly yet perfectly one-of-a-kind, 

& very firm believer that the best is yet to come.

I am a 911 operator and Police/Fire Dispatcher going on 10 years now.

I was a Police Cadet/Intern for 5 years prior to that, so yes, that is half of my lifetime and I do bleed Blue.  Starting my career very early has turned out to be bittersweet.  

It has heavily shaped and formed my opinion of the world and the way that I see life in general. 

I won’t lie to you: public service is hard, some days more than others…but it is rewarding. 

It’s the selfish, mean ugliness & evil of humankind.

But…it’s also the miracles, the Good Samaritans, being in the right place at the right time,
 and the chance to work with some of the most selfless men & women who are every day willing to give 
and, unfortunately, have given their lives for others. 

"Greater love has no man than this, 
that he lay down his life for another."
John 15:13 

So hey, while we’re at it, because I am subject to the scrutiny:
 this blog and the opinions shared herein are solely mine and do not reflect those of my employer. 

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, why am I here?

I got stories lemme tell ya.
 I try to find the funny in it all, and well-placed sarcasm is my second language. 
I am passionate for finding the right words to describe life, 
to create laughter, tears, or comfort.  
I am a communicator by trade and I am a writer by heart. 

I owe my love of writing to Mrs. Johnson, a teacher who not only broke the mold, but made the mold.  She is the teacher that teachers should aspire to be.  She saw talent and passion and "brilliance", as she called it, in me when I was floundering as a student who could barely string a sentence together.   She saved me and she will always be a cornerstone in the foundation that has allowed me to be successful in my life since then.

Am I new to blogging?  No. Not exactly.
I have "blogged" (see: poured my heart out) for about 4 years now.  

But I didn’t publicize it very widely.  In fact, only a handful of my friends knew I was writing, some of my best friends only found out very recently. 
My blogger beginnings: Karma's Punchline is my heart on my sleeve, my online journal, my catharsis, my therapy, my best friend, my bucket list, my mirror, and now it's what's become part of the road map of how I arrived to my here and now.  

Linking it here for you all, my new, bigger audience, well it's like leaving your diary open on the kitchen table because you're not ashamed or afraid to let your loved ones in.  
It's something you grow into I suppose.  

So, why a new blog?  

Source: middlenameconfused.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Well, I figured it was time for a new chapter.  I struggled with even creating a new blog for fear of abandoning my last 4 years worth of my heart in phrase, in prose, and in the reading between those lines, but then I came to realize that that blog will always be there for me.  
It's like going back home, or going to grandma's house.  
It's the familiar, the foundation, the good memories, the place you can be yourself, vulnerable, happy, lackluster...
it will always be there, my landmark, my North Star in writing to remind me about a girl that I used to be and a woman I aspire to become. 

 I decided to start this blog, about Me & My Beautiful Mess as a new challenge and a new chapter and jumped in with both feet.  I found a certain excitement in the Blogger world that I kept running across as of late.  I wanted to share with these crafty women (and a few good men) who are creating a community through shared stories, creative endeavors, and public peeks into their every lives.  
I've found time and time again that good stories, good blogs, they're like hearing good lyrics, the ones in the songs that come on when you least expect it and the words, well they feel like they were written just for you - a reassurance that you're not the only one who thought, felt, or wanted something you couldn't quite verbalize.  
What are our words, our stories, and our lives, if we cannot share them with each other?  

What is this blog about? 
I really struggled with that in the last few weeks.  After years of not giving a second thought about my given topic and letting my heart guide my fingertips over the keyboard, I had a little panic attack about what I would or could or should write here in this chapter in my life.
What's my niche?  Photography, cooking, weight loss, fashion, humor, being single, travel, music...gaaahh!!! Just pick one already!!!  I started to get panicky and then I had a little back to Jesus talk with myself (literally at one point during the last couple of months, I was on my knees, physically, praying for some kind of relief, understanding, and comfort for a number of things in my life) and  so I put myself in check.   Get it together kid!  


I have this other thought and idea that I've formed on my own but also read that others are struggling with too.  
A thought that blogging is narcissistic (for lack of a better word), it's self-indulgent, that it's motives should be questioned.  

Well, to that I say this, that could go for everything in life.   
Questioning your motives isn't a bad thing. 
 One of the best practices I've learned from yoga is to set your intention. 
Why do we indulge in the things we put our well placed time and effort into?  
It's true, you only live once (yeah, *groan* YOLO, well in my case LOLO, ha!), so manage your time wisely.  
Having encountered that thought made me really question my intentions
but then, ah-ha!, you see I came to my senses and went back to what I already knew, 
what I was already well versed in writing about.
 My "niche" is life.  
My life.
The good, the bad, the ugly, the mess. 
The moments I'm most proud of, the ones that I'm ashamed of, 
the ones that make me giggle like a school girl, 
and cry until the tears run dry.

{source}

My life, not unlike all of yours, is full and busy.
I can't make promises to blog as often as maybe I should, to always be politically correct,
to refrain from cursing when it's applicable,
 to link up every week, or even remember to hit spell check some days, 
but what I can promise is that you'll get honesty & sincerity,
laughter & levity, frustration & hope, and downright silliness.
I promise that I'll write about the things that make my heart beat, 
and that you'll not only get the highlight reel but the outtakes.

You know, those scenes that start to scroll on the big screen after the credits roll, 
the ones that you walk back in the theatre for and sit down to laugh at?  
Yeah, those too.
Cause jeeze, you know, you have to laugh at those messy moments in life,
the unpredictable ones, the unscripted gag reel that is maybe embarrassing sometimes, but is oh so relatable. 
It's some of those shared moments that have brought me the best friendships of my life.

 Let's just all find some ways to laugh with each other, ok?
 And since my middle initials are D.R.,I feel like I have the right to hand out this one Rx:
Laughter is a great medicine, maybe even healthier than an apple a day,
let's indulge and if someone questions that you're partaking in it too much,
well just tell them that Lolo said it was ok.

So with love & laughter I hope you'll join me in this thing well all call Life:

Sincerely, honestly, messily yours,