{bold}: a bio

I don't know where to start.  My brain is on total overload.  I spent this weekend in a space overflowing with inspiration.  A Writing Workshop with by writing crush, Alexandra Franzen.
I can't go into how the dots are connecting for me right now.  I don't think I even fully undertand it yet. 
But what I can share and what I did complete for the weekend is this: An updated definition of who I am.  This is me,  Mad Libs style: 
Make no mistakes, she's got some mojo a-workin', this girl. Just like her tattoos, she wears her heart on her sleeve.
Lauren Coughlan believes:  that conversations should be fearless and questions should be bold.  As a 911 operator, she's a full time chaos wrangler, but what you really should know... is that she's a writer who speaks from her heart and a photographer who believes in the beauty of a timeless image. Her work has been called honest and authentic.
In her spare time, she can be found travelling the globe trying to quench her wanderlust, inhaling calm on her yoga mat, or wrestling with her adopted German Shepherd who every day makes her wonder who really rescued who?   She invites you to be part of her crazy, beautiful life,  so Go! Quick! Now! Find her at: me & my beautifulmess.blogspot.com 

I'll.{be}.there.for.you.

I have decided on a new bucket item list. 
I want to be serenaded with emphasis. I don't know when or where,  but my life will not be complete  until I am the spotlight center of such an act.
1) without reservation 2) both shame and pride checked at the door
I want to be wooed in song  melodically, audibly intoxicated with lyrics {performer's blood alcohol content will not be questioned}
and I want it to be......an epic ballad not just some run-of-the-mill love song No. if it doesn't have the potential for vocal strain  and possible hamstring pulling theatrical song animation = no I'm talking about hair band style singing that makes you sweat  air guitar theatrics raspy-throat-the-next-day-performing Adam Sandler Wedding Singer-esque John-Cusack-style hold the speaker box of love up to the window sanging!!!!
let's start with: 

wait for it, wait for it...

roll your windows up  beat the steering wheel like it's a drum set pound.it.out and saaaaang!

guitar smashing mic stand tossing build to a crashing crescendo drum beat  kick the wind kind of song  shake the sweat out yo hair ball your fists up and battle back the emotions
THIS is my MacDaddy of favorite love ballads oh, Richie... oh, Jon...
fist pump chest bump heart thump 
sing it to me baby and put your back into it!!
"I'll be there for you! These five words I swear to you! When you breath, I wanna be the air for you! I'll. Be. There. For. You. whooooooooooooooooooa oooooooooooooooooa oooa whooooooooooooa oooooooo oooooo  oooooooooooooooooo"
when I find my Mister, I'll make sure he knows about this this may be part of a future nuptial agreement this kind of performance at least once a year for all the years were together... cause who can split apart when you have an epic love ballad karaoke promise?
no one. that's who.
<3

{10} things that make me happy

Day 14: 10 things that make you really {Happy}   1. gummy bears

2. people watching in the airport 3. country music 4. THIS dog! I love her!!!  

5. Summer nights 6. the {warm} sun on my skin 7. pleasant surprises 8. travelling 9. babies/kids laughing 10. roadtrips  

 

it's just {stuff}

It's all just stuff. I found myself having a pity party this weekend. Listening to my dog's look-at-me-Ma barks and my footsteps echo of the walls in the empty room. Looking around wondering how I accumulated all the stuff that fills up my house. My house. Wondering why it matters that I continue to work to maintain a house that I keep just for me. Trying to figure out what to do next and how I get to my Dreamland that seems so far away. And then Oklahoma happens and I see it all in it's turbulence, strewn all around in heaps and unrecognizable piles on the street, places that used to be homes and havents. And then I realize that it's all just stuff. A bunch of stuff. And it's not that important. It really isn't. So the people and the relationships...yeah those: That's what's going to get me to my Dreamland.  A harsh reminder that we're all we've got and we're in this together.   God be with Oklahoma.  

throw off the {bowlines}

Blog everyday, blog everyday in Maaaaaaay!

Ok, here's the deal. I'm starting on Day 4.

Why? Cause that's where' I'm jumping in.

Life has me busy, yo!

I'll catch up. Promise {pinky swear}.

One of my favorite quotes {and oh how I love quotes!!!} is this one:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do

an by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore.

Dream.

Discover.

~ Mark Twain

Keep dreaming my friends!!!

#Relentless

I signed up.  Enough thinking. Time to train. 
The agreement: We go as slow as the slowest team member. We work as a team. Even if it takes us 9 hours, we will all finish.  We will be relentless. 

This thing was created by the British Forces, huh?  Well, I've spent enough time telling cops where to go for a living. Time to pony up, show up, and shut up. 
I'll be the girl covered in water and mud, sucking down air and dust determined look in her eye and a smile that says "it hurts, but it's not the boss of me."
Through ice,  fire, mud, water, electric shock... look for #TeamRelentless this September in Tahoe.

I {need} to

SuperHero name tags stuck to my fingers the room smells like glue YouTube play lists fill the room with melodies  and...memories that are still sharp as a knife too many weeks of silence  A pile of scraps keeps gathering at my feet a mess a {beautiful} mess...gathering on the floor beneath me this humming gets a little louder with every.single.song

It's almost 2am and I'm safe, here in my cocoon safe in the walls that I call home the same walls where I grew up gloriously alone has been exactly what I needed this last year and a half 

I need to create I need to hear I need to feel

one {step} at a time

“Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; 

just never give up."― Dean Karnazes

Exactly a year ago tonight, I was preparing for my first ever 5K.
Fitness, on most levels, has never really been my strong suit.  In fact, I went to see a military recruiter just out of high school  and after they told me that I needed to loose 20 lbs and start running,  I decided I was out.  Just like that.  Done-zo.  No military career for this gal cause she was too attached to her baby fat.
I always had an excuse:  "I'll do a 5k when I lose 10 lbs" "I don't have the lung capacity"  "I don't want my junk jiggling all over the place in public" #drama #liesItoldmyself
Then one day last year, my BFF from work and I decided we'd enter a group mud run and we'd train with a local 5K in a regional park a few weeks before. 
Our "easy" run, our first 5k, the "training run" on the trials we thought we knew  was the slipperiest, slidiest, messiest, muddiest adventure I had to date. When the torrential downpour would let up a few minutes at at time, we'd look at each other and just laugh and shake our heads. We paid to do this?!
It seemed like a cold rain soaked, wind blown, mud slung forever to the finish line but when I got there, to the end, more rewarding than the water or the bagels or the shelter or even the cool finishers medal,   was my sense of accomplishment, my long sought after to-do checked of my fitness bucket list .
A 5K a couple of years ago might as well have been climbing Mount Everest.  Today, it is quite literally a walk in the park.


Yeah, I still can't run the entire thing without having to stop and walk for a while. My thighs are still chubby and they still rub together. I still feel like hell for about a week after the long runs.  But ya know, I earned my right to call myself a runner.

Tomorrow, I will do my 10th organized run in a year. In the last year, I've run down 10Ks, 8 mile trail runs through the mountains,  and now I've got my eye set on a half-marathon and Tough Mudder.  Things I thought I'd never do. 
I just had to go back to basics and do like Nike is always saying. I just had to put one foot in front of the other.  Even if I had to say it in my head with each one,  I just had to take it one step at a time. Mind over matter over mud,  I just had to do it. 
Running & small goals like a 5K a month at a time remind me that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

Do the {brave} thing

Do the scary thing.

The one that seems impossible.

Be brave.

Start over.

I'm In traffic south bound I-59, downtown Houston on my left & the exit for Galveston in my right.

Home? No.

It never pulls me back when I'm here in this part of the country.

The run-away beat is always a little louder in this humid air.

Spread your wings & fly.

{goats}

It's been like years since I've linked up to anything. Ok..maybe just months. Heck, I can't even get to blogging regularly anymore but... I had to share the joy of my day. The absolute joy of my day. My week really.   Goats.screaming.like.humans.       and then...this happened.     and then...this happened.     and then I cried tears.     My work here is done.   Happy Tuesday!!!  

     

Post-edit, I have to add one more.

I have now nearly pissed myself.

There is no end.

dream a {new} dream

Why am I battling with myself to post something already? Where did these lame self-imposed restrictions come from that I have to be planned, polished, spell-checked, or scheduled before I can write about my life? What is going on?   Well, I'll tell you real quick like.   I'm sitting here bored with my life (I know, how ungrateful!) planning my something/anything months in advance but equally despising that it's already nearly the end of January and the year is ticking away. Tick-tock, tick-tock. {I might also be despising that I'll be 32 in a few short months.}  

Source: colorflystudio.blogspot.com via Lauren on Pinterest

    I'm currently surrounded by paperwork...a mass of paperwork.   ~ Enrollment for an Dispatch Academy Instructor Course which...yes, I want to become an instructor - I have years of experience, I have stories to tell, I still have passion for what I do. ~ Education reimbursement forms to get paid (yes, paid!) to complete my BS in Business/Marketing (do you suppose I've completed any homework that I can get handsomely paid to complete? No.) ~ Tax paperwork (show me the monay!) ~ Customer Service homework   & the humdinger: The Authentic Dreaming Worksheet An excerpt or two: "...but what if your dreams are to live simply?" "You cannot stop dreaming. You must, you must, you simply must dream a new dream."   My computer has a slew of open tabs, I can't decide if I want to cook or travel or create or go to yoga... I want to do them all.   I just know that I'm again in this spot where I feel like I am:   1) on the verge of tears 2) on the verge of a breakthrough 3) on the verge of a genius/epiphany 4) on the verge of a long nap   This is comfortable and unfamiliar at the same time.   This {tune} has been humming in my head all day long & then, just on cue, a good friend sent me this:  

  & what, in the hell, Lauren, do cowboy tunes have to do with anything?   Well...everything.  Every damn thing, because the slew of paperwork, the maxed calendar of events, the travel miles, and the A.D.D. brain are just a cover up for that {simple} that I dream of.   My dreams are not outlandish. They're way more country than rock and roll. They're simple.   I'd "settle" for a cowboy, a little piece or land, some plants to water, some animals to feed, some little ones to plan my week around, an little studio to get lost in where creatvity bursts all over the walls onto cards and canvas and into journals.   I would. I could. I want to.   I can plan and stack and sort through the paperwork of my reality all I want to, but when it all boils down, my dreams are my dreams and there's no escaping that they're not going anywhere, anytime soon.   {*sigh*}

{400} Oak Trees: what my dreams are made of

Well, it is really no secret that I've had quite the long standing love affair with the South. Say...since I was 12 years old and read through Gone with the Wind one Summer like it was a nursery rhyme. A really long, petulent nursery rhyme.   Fast forward to Nicholas Sparks and every novel he's ever written and every movie that's ever been translated to a screenplay and well there you have it. This place {collective deep sigh}:   

Source: Uploaded by user via Jessica on Pinterest

   The Wormsloe Plantation in Savannah, GA. It was on my travel bucket list when I went to visit, oh a year and  half ago, but...I never made it. I half suspect that I had to keep something still on the list so that I'd have a good reason to go back again. I think that in this year that I've declared to be one where I get back to what makes me think and dream and feel free again - the one that feels authentically me again, travel is a must.  I must go see this beautiful place that haunts my happy thoughts.   You see, in the movie version of my life, I live in a place like this. My driveway has 400 sentinel oak trees that welcome me home every day and an army of 400,000 crickets that lull me to sleep every night.    The only thing that could make this better is if I was at home watching these movies  next to my fireplace while listening to the rain beat down on my tin roof.   Be still my mossy oak tree driveway lined, balmy weather, accent lovin' heart. Be still. It's coming all in due time.   <3   This blog post was brought you you courtesty of: the ABC Family channel and their full night of Nicholas Sparks-esq movies.