7 {wants}

It's Tuesday! Time for another You Challenge: 
This week is {7} Wants: 
1) I want a nap.

Source: via Karin on Pinterest

  Seriously, just about every day, I want a nap at some point. Figure those things are for the really young or the really old,  but I think we need a campaign to bring those back for all the people in between.  I'll sign that petition. 
2) I want to be debt-free someday.
but if I had extra $, I would totally do this next thing: 
3) I want to go here: 

Source: adelto.co.uk via Lauren on Pinterest

I want to go yesterday, today, tomorrow, each time for a long time,  and then on the regular for many, many years after that. 
4. I want November 7th to come quickly.  I hate politics, but I find myself neck deep in the local ones around here  and unable to escape the coverage of the state and local ones.  It's exhausting (and we're just getting started) I'll be glad when it's all over.
5.  more tattoos (if you have any, you know just how addicting  they are)

Source: fuckyeahtattoos.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6)  a fresh zip code, a new career, a start of a new chapter

Source: releasemecreations.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and lastly... 7.  I wan(t)na love you, and treat you right.   I wanna love you every day and every night...  ~ Bob Marley 
What do you want?  Head over to Lauren or Tiffany's blogs and join in!
 

I'm also linking up to the GFC Blog Hop with 
Melissa @ Life of a Not So Ordinary House Wife

{8} Fears

I'm running late today on this weekly entry so I'm gonna just lay it out there  and try not think too hard about these. 
I'm just gonna type until my fingers are done ...cause right now, tonight,  I think my heart and my head have some things to say. A lot of things.
Lauren & Tiffany, you asked, here you go:

  First off, I wouldn't say that I'm a really fearful person.  I'd say I'm kind of brave. I do a lot of stuff on my own.   I don't think it's a broken sense of security.
Quite opposite, in fact, I am pretty aware of my surroundings - more than most I'd say  I think that's by being the oldest, by being independent from an early age,  and by being in law enforcement for so many years.
I was raised in a family and by parents who had a strong faith in God and so do I.  I have a solid foundation that doesn't forsake me even when I ignore it. (Say it with an accent now) I am a God fearin' woman.  Yes, indeed I am.  I saw this today and thought it was perfect for this week's 10 Day You Challenge

 {via Facebook}
I know who I am, I'm not afraid of making mistakes,  I'm not afraid of learning things the hard way. I'm learning a lot about myself lately.

This next picture is a few years old.  

A good friend of mine, who knows me well, put this on my locker at work one day. 

I read it and remember distinctly recognizing for maybe one of the first times in my short life that 

the way I carried myself, the things I did and stood for, they were noticed. 

I remember distinctly being proud that someone would think this of me. 

I remember not wanting to lose that label of fearless.

This is one of the best compliments I've ever received.

I haven't read any of the other girl's lists in the link up yet today.   I didn't on purpose.   I didn't want their lists to influence mine. I wanted to really think about this. 
So here's my list of {fears}: 
1) Sharks Seriously, do I even have to explain this one?  Shark Week people.   'Nuff said. (but, guess what? a shark cage dive is on my bucket list. I will confront this fear. Someday.)
which leads me to...
2) large bodies of water they're beautiful, but it makes me get all panicky and nervous knowing that  I can't see or feel or know what is lurking, and swimming, and slinking about at the bottom. Nuh-uh, not gonna dew it.   Nope. NO. Negative.
also...I fear them because I don't want to 
3) Drown(ing) also...do I have to explain this one?  *shudder* *cough* *sputter*
4) Intruders I live alone. I don't like the things that go bump in the night. There's only so much a girl can do armed with a big dog and a cell phone.  I think it's worse cause I know first hand the intruder stories.  Meh.  Not cool at all.  I've been thinking about my 2nd Amendment Rights a lot lately. 
5) Heights - that is a fear that seems to increase with my age for some reason.   I don't like glass bottom elevators, I don't like looking over multi story balconies.  I get sweaty palms and my heart races and I want to go pee pee in my pants.
6) Spiders...to an extent, seeing them I'm ok... having them crawl on or around me, no, no, NO.
{story time} I had spider crawl up my dress once...I was sitting on the ground.  In about 1/2 nanosecond, I was up, I was screaming shrieking, I threw a pillow and I jumped up and down like I was a 3 year old in a bouncy house. I have a witness, he'll tell you it was true, but what he won't tell you and didn't tell me for like a year, is that he's afraid of spiders too. Ah-ha!!!!   Chicken.   Ok, so can we get real for a second.  Like really, real? 
  7) and we shall label this <3? I fear I will never be in love again. Like puppy dog kind of, head over heels, mutual (key word),  in love with your best friend kind of love.  Yeah.  It seems like a ghost or a dream or a fable. 
and last, but most definitely not least
8) Settling I fear that I'll settle and the thought of that damn near makes me ill. Like physically sick.  I see it all the time.  Personally, professionally...it's an epidemic.
I don't wanna settle for good not great ~ Brad Paisley
This isn't me being judgmental, this is me standing in the midst of this shit storm we call society's take on commitment and relationships and screaming at the top of my lungs but feeling like no one is hearing me.
So... it's funny or acceptable to see people cheat, lie, and degrade each other? It's ok to see people lie to themselves and not intervene? Stop the train wreck. I mean there's whole talk shows and "reality" shows that have that as the main story line. Marriage is, what? A trend? A phase?

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

I guess it's a double edged sword, swing too far to cautious  and  you risk never taking a chance on anyone and missing out on...your destiny?  Eh.  Swing too far the other way and you're in love every 5 seconds and it's cry wolf. 
Listen, I've been there,  on the other end of the phone listening to the stories scratching my head wondering what it is about love that makes people lose all sense of self and logic, then again in the bridesmaid's dress fully supportive on the outside while inside saying "noooo, don't do it!", and then finally with a shoulder to lean on and a spare bedroom to offer when it all comes tumbling down. 
Don't call me and expert by any means,  but more often than not, the writing is always on the wall.   They say when you know, you know.   And well, if you're just still standing there guessing cause you think it's better than nothing, or it's comfortable, or it's been long enough so it's do or die...even when there's that nagging voice of doubt, well listen to it and don't.   Don't do it.  Don't settle.  Please.  Save you, save me, save us all.  For the love of...LoVe.  *sigh* I read } this { recently and I really appreciated it.  
From a woman who lived and loved in a generation that made something of what they had, this is some tried and true expertise.  I don't know Grandma Carol, but I like her.  Honorable mentions: 
There's a couple of things that came to mind that I realized  don't frighten me and I wanted to mention them. This is not a judgement on anyone else,  this is just my life's opinion as I've experienced it thus far. 
I'm in no way looking forward  or hoping either  of these to happen, but  if/when they might, I don't fear these and here's why: 
Losing loved ones - not because I don't love them dearly, but because I know that I tell them and show them on a regular basis.  I make the time.  I know it's precious. I have an aging family, this is a reality for me every day.  I have embraced it.   I can't be selfish enough to think that I can close my eyes and ignore it.
I am learning, damn near every day, to try again, to give second and third chances, to apologize, to make amends,  and to tell people that I value them and want and need  them in my life. I'm also learning when it's time to give up, give in, and let things go.  That lesson is just as hard as swallowing my pride and mending fences.

Source: s-kinnyl-ove.tumblr.com via M on Pinterest

Having a child with a serious or fatal illness - some of the strongest people I know have had children who have fought and won and unfortunately fought and lost  to cancer, Batten Disease, and other rare diseases that have no cures. 
 These children are every bit as valuable, precious, and worthy of love as any "healthy" child.   These children are some of the bravest fighters I have ever had the opportunity to meet. These children are warriors.   All they know is fight, every breath is a struggle, but they keep going.  They're resilient. They're an every day lesson in life and love. 
I don't wish it on anyone and I don't understand the unfairness,  but I don't fear the ability to love unconditionally those who are different, sick, or "incurable".
So, loss, I don't willingly embrace it, but I understand it's purpose in life. 
I have said my goodbyes when the time has come,  I have listened and watched for the last few breaths,  I have felt the breathless sobs of the loved ones left behind, embraced the outstretched arms,  felt the relentless tears roll down off of cheeks and soak through the clothing that drapes my shoulders.   I've been there, felt it, comforted it, cursed it, denied it, and finally accepted it. 
And...if you're still here at the end of this long dissertation I just wrote,  I will give more honorable mention to these other "non-fears" cause we need some levity! 
Financial ruin, credit card debt, body odor, running out of gas, passing gas in inappropriate situations, karaoke, public speaking, making a complete and total ass of your myself, having my heart broken, saying "I love you " and meaning it, stretch marks, acts of nature, flying, and ever increasing chin hair.   Yeah, whattadya gonna do?  Just roll with it! Come on, we have got to get through this together!!!!
Next week...{7} Wants
I might, just might, go all Veruka Salt on you!!!
xOxoXoxOXoooX
XO ,
PS - I feel better now.  I do.  Writing.  Makes some of the funk go away.

{8} Mile

This ain't no Eminem story.  
As you might have read previously, back in March,  I did my first 5k and since then decided that I would do some version of an organized run  every month from then on for an entire year.  I'm 6 for 6 so far. Go me!
Why do a run a month?   No.   The question is: Why not?!

I like goals, but don't call them lofty just yet. Well, 1/2 lofty. 5k is only like 3.2 miles but the way I see it,  that's 5 more Ks than I have been doing previously ever and well,   if I'm ever going to meet that bucket list item of doing a full 26.2 marathon,  I gotta start somewhere right? 
I never get enough sleep.   It's just how things are in my world and I'm learning to cope.  When I do sleep and then it's time to get up, it looks like this: 

{ it's like my body is glued to the bed}

So Saturday I finally got out of bed and me and Lynn finally got going to Santa Cruz at 3pm. {only 3 hours later than we had originally talked about leaving} No biggie, there was no big rush.  

We talked a lot, we sang some songs (ok, I did most of the singing). There was the mandatory Starbucks trip and then there was a wall of traffic which was just a reminder to turn the radio up and roll the windows & sunroof back. 

{sunshine, sunroof, good company = good times}

Dead stopped, We tried to get everyone else in the cars around us to sing "My Sharona" with us, but no one wanted to play in our Reindeer Games.  Their loss.

We finally made it into Santa Cruz, found our sketchy little Inn, where they store all the extra furniture and decor out front by the "office", which is actually just is just a telephone number to a confused person who told us they left the key to our room under the mat in front of the door to the room where there were no pictures on the walls.  The "second" bedroom was really a rollaway in the living room right by the front window, where the fire alarm was disconnected, and there were 2x4s holding up the couch - which was described as "velvety and comfy" and "will suck you in like an SVU marathon".  

Uhhmm................

Deciding to flee the Bate's Motel get dinner,  we opted to spend the next couple of hours at the harbor and on the beach right at sunset, soaking up the last of the day, scaling the rock wall levee (carefully, in flip flops mind you) and taking about 157 pictures between two of us.   After neither one of us slid into the Pacific, we stuffed our faces at the Crow's Nest (which was classy and comfy and sucked us in like a hungry moth to a BBQ flame) before heading back to get some "sleep". 

Sleep.  Remember that thing that escapes me?  Yeah.   Neither do I and neither did Saturday night.  My August run was and ante-upper.   An 8-mile trail run.  That's the equivalent of a 12k. I'll see your 5k's and raise you 7ks, muuuwhhhaahahahaaaa!!!
8 miles on no sleep, with very little preparation, but just enough advice from Lynn on what eat to keep my energy up and keep myself hydrated for what I hoped would be less than a 3 hour trek. Running is not my forte. 
But you know what they say? Go big or go home. 
A quick breakfast on the way to carb up, we arrived at the start line about an hour early,   grabbed our gear, stretched, hydrated, and I used the bathroom like 7 times! At an all women's race, the bathroom was line was EPIC.  
Lynn was doing the half marathon, so she started 10 minutes earlier than I did.  Which left me solo and with my own motivation.

Start time 08:55 am, I took my place at the back of the pack where I remained for the next 2:16 hours.  I wasn't competing with anyone but myself.  In my book, showing up, taking time out of my hectically busy schedule, I had already won. 
Of the family, my brother, who ran ACROSS the country last year for Batten Disease, is the marathoner. I have always been the support driver, the finish line sign holder, the girl behind the scenes who didn't believe that she could step out of the sidelines and get INTO the race. 
Not anymore.  Hell.  Highwater. Doubt. Distance. None of that was going to keep me from finishing.

Source: naturalcuriosities.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Short of injuries, I was getting it done. I don't know what took over, but I did a lot of thinking out there on the trails.  I occasionally looked up at the break in the trees and felt the sun shining down on me as I kept a steady pace. 

I talked to Catie, who I dedicated my run to, who had the disease that my brother ran to raise awareness for.  Catie was a fighter and now she's an angel. I remembered how much she used to run as a child. I thought of my brother and all the miles he put in over 4.5 months. I smiled for all the times I skipped the gym or stayed in bed...today kicked the ass of all those days. I thought of the people in my life with failing health. I thought about a lot. A steady stream of sweat reminded me that this was no stroll in the park. Fire roads, steep trials with roots cut in that made their own natural steps, tripping hazards reminding me to keep my eyes on the ground and directly in front of me. My pony tail pulling some kind of wiper blade action across my back, it stuck to me just enough to keep my arms stretched back behind me occasionally to adjust it. 
I played the same songs over and over again this {one}, that {one}, this{one} again, this {one} really got me moving:  Sometimes you gotta push 
Though all your obstacles... No matter what the options are 
There is no lose , there is no fail 
LETS GO... We were born to run
I kept going as my lungs adjusted, I remembered my yoga breathing, and paid attention to Lynn's advice, fuel up about every 20 minutes, take this for cramps, take that for hydration.  Walk, run, walk, run, walk, run...the other ladies on the trail and the volunteers smiled and told me I was doing a good job, don't stop, you're almost there, you're doing a great job, keep going.
And so I did.  I kept going.   One step at at time, 1/4 mark, 1/2 mark, 2 miles left...and before I knew it, I made it.  Finished, the end, pulled out my headphones so I could hear them announce my name as I crossed the finish line. 

I texted my family, my mom, my best friends, and my trainer. 

"Done.  2:16 minutes, 8 miles.  I did it."

{this pro procrastinator did the damn thing!}

The rest of the day was kind of an exhausted, sleep-sick blur.  We made our way back to Downtown, grabbed a big lunch, bought a couple of beach towels, and then I laid out on the beach and fell asleep in 75* of sun beating down on me in the sand.  

Another long trip back and more great conversation, I got my mangled body home in one piece, calling off the early morning training session, got the back end of my shift covered, and slept for 17 glorious hours ...this is what straight out of hibernation looks like. Sunburnt and sore as all get out, but rested and completely accomplished.

Today, just short of 48 hours later, my body hurts every where.  I can feel that expanse in my lungs all stretched out when I laugh or cough. I'm moving slow.  Real slow. I feel it in my back, in my abs, in my obliques...its pain, but its good pain. It's the kind of pain you earn...it's sweet satisfaction of doing something you never thought you were capable of. 

Source: runforthethrill.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

So I went from 5 to 8 and now...now, what's next?  

I dunno, but stay tuned...it'll be good whatever it is. 

Spinning!

Today I feel like I"m on a broken Tilt-a-Whirl.

{pin}

Like everything is spinning, I'm seated, strapped in and holding on to the safety bars, but the damn thing just won't stop.

I think if I just type this out and get it out of my head, I'll feel better.

I know I do this to myself.  I know it's the middle of the Summer. I know that if I can get through to the end of this weekend, It'll slow down. 

My to-do list sprouted little baby to-do lists.

I can't seem to get anything done around the house.

Yes, working graveyard 12-hour shifts is a blessing and a curse.

This weekend I know I'm going to have a great time and I'm gonna see tons of people I love and meet some new ones I'll like I'm sure.

I just had to vent a little bit. 

Not to be ungrateful, cause lemme tell you, this is gonna be one hell of an awesome weekend, but do you ever have those moments?  What do you do?

{PS, especially if you're one of those awesome bloggers I've just started following...how do you keep up with it all, how do you do it? Any tips or tricks?}

Sleep, check out, drink, vent, get a pedicure, hide, cry, take a long shower, drive away? 

or D) all of the above?

Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe!!

Ok...I feel a little bit better. 

PS - really, I can't wait to share about my weekend in pictures, in blogs, and in person with some of you who read this. 

In advance, thank you for being part of what is yet to come!!

~ Lauren

PPS, Spinning and all, today, I linked up for the GFC Blog Hop and peeped at some new blog lovlies.

Snippets & Soundbytes: {The Crazy Ones}

I'm on a roll.

I'm on a rock & roll with these Snippets & Soundbytes

I just keep hearing greatness that is fitting so well into my life these days.

{pin}

Today's musical nugget is courtesy of a YouTube recommendation

&

it's what I have to imagine is the love child of a Steve Job's inspiration

but packaged up after a night of jagerbombs, tattoos, electric guitars, and amps.

I present: Stellar Revival "The Crazy Ones"

Yes, here's to the Crazy Ones, in quote, in song, in lyrics, and in Manifesto

Put your rock horns up and open your ears to the lyrics!

we are the heart breakers, risk takers
anything but boring
cause we are the crazy ones
the mavericks, the dreamers
the forgotten sons
we color outside the lines for fun
we are the crazy ones

When my mom, my aunt, the neighbor, or society tells me to turn this racket down,

I'll say this to them:

This is Janis Joplin, Big Mama Thornton, Hank Williams, and Count Basie.

There have always been rebels;

they just have a different sound, a different look and a different beat these days.

And....well, if that's not enough,

I'll tell them this:

I know crazy, it's runs through my veins, we cannot escape it.

Crazy is 2.5 years younger than me, bearded, and leathered by the sun:

{Ocean Springs, MS}

Crazy on this very day last year, one year ago exactly, after more than four months of walking, running, and crawling along this entire nation, ran directly into the Atlantic Ocean in Florida and put a loud exclamat!on point on the end of his Declaration of Crazy, his Batten Journey. 

Here's the to Crazies, to the Steve Jobs, to the Noah Coughlans, to all the dreamers who refuse to hear doubt, give up their bus seat, to step back from the ledge, or put down their guitars.

Crazy...it makes this world go 'round.

~ Lauren

Stand {UP}: a Declaration of Independence

I have to.
I have to write.
I've gotta say it now before my mind remembers something else in it's place.

A constant stream of Furious thoughts in my head right now like, they're like…fireworks.

Fireworks.

That's exactly what they're like! 

On this early morning Fourth of July, my mind is alive with thoughts like fireworks in the night sky.

They hit me with a loud BOOM {hey, listen up!!!}

I see their light, their beauty, their sparkle...

I stare up with awe and wonder as I'm trying desperately to capture them fast enough and inscribe them here before they burn out and fall to the Earth.

I'm committed to this 30-day photo challenge on instagram…so far so good, just on day 3. 

 I did pretty good a couple of years ago on the 365 picture a year challenge…I only fizzled out towards the end of the year.  30 days?  Pussshaww. Done.

I'll do it.  I can't not do it.  It's what I do.  I see the details, the light, the shadows, the irony, the hidden messages waiting to be seen, the symbiosis, the answers to prayer, the sorrow, the beauty…

I see it all, I can't shut my eyes to it, close my ears, or turn off my mind.

I have friends and family that get annoyed with it..with the constant picture taking, 

 the recording of the saying and the notes into my iphone or scratching them out onto whatever piece of paper I can get my hands on.
Blogging.  Huh? What's that? 
I've kept it to myself until now.

Why do I do it?
Well, I do these things for me & for all of us;

for now & for the point in the future when we'll want to look back because memory failed us or someone was gone but then in the words, in the lines, in the images, we find them and ourselves again.

  We find our roadmap to how we arrived at our present, find a dream that lost its wings and needs to be revived, we remind ourselves of who we used to be and who we are still.

I am the keeper of my dreams, the recorder of my memories, the chronicler of my adventures

My life is a novel, these are my chapters - it’s a storybook, a thesis, a photo spread.

I had this conversation with my dear, sweet friend last night - her and I, an ocean apart, never having "met" IRL, but finding we share the same ideas & feelings simultaneously:

I want to tune out, but I can't.  It's not who I am. 

My to do list.  I can't even show you. 

You might break out in hives or get sweaty like I do when I look at it.

I have a hard time saying no.

Despite that...I can't stop writing, I can't stop taking like a million pictures with my iphone at every turn. Literally, at.every.turn. 

I could fill an entire album of pictures with the photos I've taken with my phone in one hand
& the steering wheel in the other.

I keep saying that it's my struggle to live in this day, in this moment and just when I think I have a handle on it, BAM!, I feel kind of overwhelmed. 

but I'm not sinking, I'm not.

I'm kind of floundering some days, but I'm always afloat

 all this struggle, it is making me stronger.  

I refuse to sink. 

 I refuse.

In the midst of this ramble I had been writing, I had this: The Crazies' Manifesto {written exquisitely by Andrea Balt, she's brilliant} delivered to me by my friend and fellow blogger Lynn; someone who gets me, she knows me well, she understands my words and just said this to me today:

"One of the things I think you've managed to do (well, there are so many but speaking to this point) is become more aware of each moment as it is occurring. Living in the moment, being more present."

STOP. Stop here and read the Manifesto before you go any further. 

Call it a commandment, a requirement, a prescription. 
You have to read this, you have to listen to the song embedded in the text…you have to before you go any further. Step into it and maybe you'll understand what I'm about to say.

These words, beautiful, fluid…they were love at first sight.  It's like sunshine for my soul. 

This Manifesto..it's a life raft, a parachute, an AED. 

Its like......nitroglycerine.

Do you know how nitroglycerine works?

Absorbed rapidly, improving blood flow, stopping the heart ache, lowering the blood pressure,

halting the oxygen-deprived destruction before it's too late. 
Life.saving.

I read the manifesto…I couldn’t read it fast enough. 
I was reading like I had just finished a race and I was at the end, hunched over, hands on my knees, sweat pouring off my brow, my lungs sucking in oxygen, but instead of air, it was words, I was reading the words like I couldn’t get enough air, I couldn’t pull them in fast enough.
 {breathe damn it!!!}

{yes, this picture again, but guess what?  this is my blog and this is my tattoo and I love it}

These words from, The Manifeto - they just woke me up.

"And if, say you’re somewhat lonely—though not alone, somewhat sad—though not broken, and somewhat tired—though wide awake and restless, please stand up.
Take a deep breath. Clear your throat. Look your Self in the eyes. Place your hand over your beaten heart. And let’s declare our independence from the norm."


I am standing up. 
I'm standing up every time I open my eyes after I sleep. 

I'm standing up with every deliberate keystroke of my furious fingers.

I'm very much standing up every time I am down on my knees asking, begging, praying for comfort, for peace, for forgiveness, for understanding. 

I am standing up every.single.time. I tie my laces or put on my game face for my health.

Every tear, I'm standing up. 

Every deep breath and bead of sweat, be it hot yoga, a hike in the hills, or a spin around the dancefloor.

I sat in a chair on my birthday, but I was really standing up…

I had a message emblazoned on my arm for me and me alone. 

I know that I'll never stop standing up even if I need a reminder to keep breathing.

I know me.  I know that I am that woman who stands up. 

I was that girl that stood up to get where I am today.

Damn it, I am standing up like Norma Rea.

{source}

As I read, my mind said these things in response:

1. Curious…it's the definition of childhood, it's what we loose when we get "old".  I refuse.  I refuse to stop wondering. I refuse to stop wandering.  

2.  My heartache…I pray for him even with our words silent and gone -  the others I forgive too…my heart is too big, it beats too strong to shrivel up and turn black

3. I always wish on shooting stars. "Why not?" a friend used to call me that..not by my name but she referred to me as "Why not?, what shall we do today?"

4. My words, I know their worth, their comfort, their torment, their pricelesness

5. Have no regrets, even if saying "I love you" is not met with "..and I love you too"

I will not waste my heart on those who don't deserve it, but I will not be afraid to set my feelings free, to breathe life into them and let them live outside of my heart

6. yes, yes, and yes…I will be present in it all

7. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

8. I see this whole world in word and in pictures - I can create art from trash and treasures from scraps…

I was born with creativity in my veins.

9. "Your Word, it is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path." Pslam 119:105

10. I will stand behind and next to crazy, I will look back at it when it stares at me in the mirror

My brother…he RAN ACROSS THE UNITED STATES! 

Why?  "Why not?!"  He did.  I saw it with my own two eyes, the start line, the finish, the in-between…

he said "I am going to run across the US"  Then he did it. 

This time last year, he was at the end of it, making his dream his reality.

11.  This is what I leave you, this is what I leave behind, my pictures, my words, my feelings in prose, the lyrics to the soundtrack that is my life

{pin}

Aaahh, yes, it's crazy - but crazy makes my world go round. 

It's a mess. 

But (ah-ha! that's what it's all about), its my mess, and in the piles of clean laundry that never get in the drawers or on the hangers, in the stacks of dishes that are starting to get a little "fragrant", in the clutter that shifts side to side in my car as I turn corners racing from one event to the next, and in the constantly turning hamster wheel that is my brain, it is MY mess. 

It is MY beautifully messy mess. 

I just gave this piece of advice to my friend, moments after reading The Manifesto, my new creedo.

 Telling me that she was nervous for an art showing, so full of talent yet so full of self-doubt, I told her this:

Don't ever stop being nervous when you're sharing a part of you, what defines you, what makes your life your own...but be comfortable with nervous.

Expect nervous like it's a the one you love that still gives you butterflies everytime you see him or look into his eyes…the one who not only leaves you breathless but is the only one you can breathe easy with.

Treat it like the one that you want to write love letters to, the one whose arms you don’t want to leave, the one who your thoughts wander to throughout the day.

Be nervous to lose him, just don't wait until it's too late

and he's gone before you realize what you had.

 This is it.

This is my one {our} chance at this thing we call life. 

I believe in eternal life, but for this one on Earth, right now,

I gotta take it both hands on the wheel {and camera} and foot on the gas and goooo!!!

I will not have it any other way.

So call me crazy, but:

I. Am. Standing. Up.

Will you too? 

On this very Independence Day will you put one hand on your heart and raise the other?  

Will you Stand.UP with me?

Will you take the Unapologetic Declaration of Crazy with me?

I dare you.  I dare you to move.  I dare you to breathe.  I dare you to Stand UP.