7 {wants}

It's Tuesday! Time for another You Challenge: 
This week is {7} Wants: 
1) I want a nap.

Source: via Karin on Pinterest

  Seriously, just about every day, I want a nap at some point. Figure those things are for the really young or the really old,  but I think we need a campaign to bring those back for all the people in between.  I'll sign that petition. 
2) I want to be debt-free someday.
but if I had extra $, I would totally do this next thing: 
3) I want to go here: 

Source: adelto.co.uk via Lauren on Pinterest

I want to go yesterday, today, tomorrow, each time for a long time,  and then on the regular for many, many years after that. 
4. I want November 7th to come quickly.  I hate politics, but I find myself neck deep in the local ones around here  and unable to escape the coverage of the state and local ones.  It's exhausting (and we're just getting started) I'll be glad when it's all over.
5.  more tattoos (if you have any, you know just how addicting  they are)

Source: fuckyeahtattoos.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6)  a fresh zip code, a new career, a start of a new chapter

Source: releasemecreations.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and lastly... 7.  I wan(t)na love you, and treat you right.   I wanna love you every day and every night...  ~ Bob Marley 
What do you want?  Head over to Lauren or Tiffany's blogs and join in!
 

I'm also linking up to the GFC Blog Hop with 
Melissa @ Life of a Not So Ordinary House Wife

{8} Fears

I'm running late today on this weekly entry so I'm gonna just lay it out there  and try not think too hard about these. 
I'm just gonna type until my fingers are done ...cause right now, tonight,  I think my heart and my head have some things to say. A lot of things.
Lauren & Tiffany, you asked, here you go:

  First off, I wouldn't say that I'm a really fearful person.  I'd say I'm kind of brave. I do a lot of stuff on my own.   I don't think it's a broken sense of security.
Quite opposite, in fact, I am pretty aware of my surroundings - more than most I'd say  I think that's by being the oldest, by being independent from an early age,  and by being in law enforcement for so many years.
I was raised in a family and by parents who had a strong faith in God and so do I.  I have a solid foundation that doesn't forsake me even when I ignore it. (Say it with an accent now) I am a God fearin' woman.  Yes, indeed I am.  I saw this today and thought it was perfect for this week's 10 Day You Challenge

 {via Facebook}
I know who I am, I'm not afraid of making mistakes,  I'm not afraid of learning things the hard way. I'm learning a lot about myself lately.

This next picture is a few years old.  

A good friend of mine, who knows me well, put this on my locker at work one day. 

I read it and remember distinctly recognizing for maybe one of the first times in my short life that 

the way I carried myself, the things I did and stood for, they were noticed. 

I remember distinctly being proud that someone would think this of me. 

I remember not wanting to lose that label of fearless.

This is one of the best compliments I've ever received.

I haven't read any of the other girl's lists in the link up yet today.   I didn't on purpose.   I didn't want their lists to influence mine. I wanted to really think about this. 
So here's my list of {fears}: 
1) Sharks Seriously, do I even have to explain this one?  Shark Week people.   'Nuff said. (but, guess what? a shark cage dive is on my bucket list. I will confront this fear. Someday.)
which leads me to...
2) large bodies of water they're beautiful, but it makes me get all panicky and nervous knowing that  I can't see or feel or know what is lurking, and swimming, and slinking about at the bottom. Nuh-uh, not gonna dew it.   Nope. NO. Negative.
also...I fear them because I don't want to 
3) Drown(ing) also...do I have to explain this one?  *shudder* *cough* *sputter*
4) Intruders I live alone. I don't like the things that go bump in the night. There's only so much a girl can do armed with a big dog and a cell phone.  I think it's worse cause I know first hand the intruder stories.  Meh.  Not cool at all.  I've been thinking about my 2nd Amendment Rights a lot lately. 
5) Heights - that is a fear that seems to increase with my age for some reason.   I don't like glass bottom elevators, I don't like looking over multi story balconies.  I get sweaty palms and my heart races and I want to go pee pee in my pants.
6) Spiders...to an extent, seeing them I'm ok... having them crawl on or around me, no, no, NO.
{story time} I had spider crawl up my dress once...I was sitting on the ground.  In about 1/2 nanosecond, I was up, I was screaming shrieking, I threw a pillow and I jumped up and down like I was a 3 year old in a bouncy house. I have a witness, he'll tell you it was true, but what he won't tell you and didn't tell me for like a year, is that he's afraid of spiders too. Ah-ha!!!!   Chicken.   Ok, so can we get real for a second.  Like really, real? 
  7) and we shall label this <3? I fear I will never be in love again. Like puppy dog kind of, head over heels, mutual (key word),  in love with your best friend kind of love.  Yeah.  It seems like a ghost or a dream or a fable. 
and last, but most definitely not least
8) Settling I fear that I'll settle and the thought of that damn near makes me ill. Like physically sick.  I see it all the time.  Personally, professionally...it's an epidemic.
I don't wanna settle for good not great ~ Brad Paisley
This isn't me being judgmental, this is me standing in the midst of this shit storm we call society's take on commitment and relationships and screaming at the top of my lungs but feeling like no one is hearing me.
So... it's funny or acceptable to see people cheat, lie, and degrade each other? It's ok to see people lie to themselves and not intervene? Stop the train wreck. I mean there's whole talk shows and "reality" shows that have that as the main story line. Marriage is, what? A trend? A phase?

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

I guess it's a double edged sword, swing too far to cautious  and  you risk never taking a chance on anyone and missing out on...your destiny?  Eh.  Swing too far the other way and you're in love every 5 seconds and it's cry wolf. 
Listen, I've been there,  on the other end of the phone listening to the stories scratching my head wondering what it is about love that makes people lose all sense of self and logic, then again in the bridesmaid's dress fully supportive on the outside while inside saying "noooo, don't do it!", and then finally with a shoulder to lean on and a spare bedroom to offer when it all comes tumbling down. 
Don't call me and expert by any means,  but more often than not, the writing is always on the wall.   They say when you know, you know.   And well, if you're just still standing there guessing cause you think it's better than nothing, or it's comfortable, or it's been long enough so it's do or die...even when there's that nagging voice of doubt, well listen to it and don't.   Don't do it.  Don't settle.  Please.  Save you, save me, save us all.  For the love of...LoVe.  *sigh* I read } this { recently and I really appreciated it.  
From a woman who lived and loved in a generation that made something of what they had, this is some tried and true expertise.  I don't know Grandma Carol, but I like her.  Honorable mentions: 
There's a couple of things that came to mind that I realized  don't frighten me and I wanted to mention them. This is not a judgement on anyone else,  this is just my life's opinion as I've experienced it thus far. 
I'm in no way looking forward  or hoping either  of these to happen, but  if/when they might, I don't fear these and here's why: 
Losing loved ones - not because I don't love them dearly, but because I know that I tell them and show them on a regular basis.  I make the time.  I know it's precious. I have an aging family, this is a reality for me every day.  I have embraced it.   I can't be selfish enough to think that I can close my eyes and ignore it.
I am learning, damn near every day, to try again, to give second and third chances, to apologize, to make amends,  and to tell people that I value them and want and need  them in my life. I'm also learning when it's time to give up, give in, and let things go.  That lesson is just as hard as swallowing my pride and mending fences.

Source: s-kinnyl-ove.tumblr.com via M on Pinterest

Having a child with a serious or fatal illness - some of the strongest people I know have had children who have fought and won and unfortunately fought and lost  to cancer, Batten Disease, and other rare diseases that have no cures. 
 These children are every bit as valuable, precious, and worthy of love as any "healthy" child.   These children are some of the bravest fighters I have ever had the opportunity to meet. These children are warriors.   All they know is fight, every breath is a struggle, but they keep going.  They're resilient. They're an every day lesson in life and love. 
I don't wish it on anyone and I don't understand the unfairness,  but I don't fear the ability to love unconditionally those who are different, sick, or "incurable".
So, loss, I don't willingly embrace it, but I understand it's purpose in life. 
I have said my goodbyes when the time has come,  I have listened and watched for the last few breaths,  I have felt the breathless sobs of the loved ones left behind, embraced the outstretched arms,  felt the relentless tears roll down off of cheeks and soak through the clothing that drapes my shoulders.   I've been there, felt it, comforted it, cursed it, denied it, and finally accepted it. 
And...if you're still here at the end of this long dissertation I just wrote,  I will give more honorable mention to these other "non-fears" cause we need some levity! 
Financial ruin, credit card debt, body odor, running out of gas, passing gas in inappropriate situations, karaoke, public speaking, making a complete and total ass of your myself, having my heart broken, saying "I love you " and meaning it, stretch marks, acts of nature, flying, and ever increasing chin hair.   Yeah, whattadya gonna do?  Just roll with it! Come on, we have got to get through this together!!!!
Next week...{7} Wants
I might, just might, go all Veruka Salt on you!!!
xOxoXoxOXoooX
XO ,
PS - I feel better now.  I do.  Writing.  Makes some of the funk go away.

{9} Loves

It's Tuesday and time for the weekly You Challenge

it is Week 2

and (in no particular order) these are my 9 Loves:

1. Great writers, like Andrea Balt who blow my mind with pieces like:

The Crazies Manifesto

that inspire me to write like this: Stand UP

& Tyler Knott who makes my heart beat a little faster when I read his words:

Source: google.co.uk via Lucy on Pinterest

2. My family 

{these are just the regulars ,^ that's my mom!^  this family goes on and on and on...}

3. Coconut.  Yes, the tropical fruit. 

Just a few months ago my aunt told me that I got it from my Grandpa Joe.  

He was from the Phillipines and he had a serious love of coconut flavored anything 

Apparently, it was in his blood and that's why it's in mine too. 

{this is my Grandpa: Joseph Prado Aquino}

4. Music - it floods my ears, my house, my car, my life

...oh let me count the ways I love, love, love music!

What's the quote?  "Music is love set on fire"

You get my drift. 

5. Travel - do I even have to explain this? <3

Source: prettystuff.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6. Summertime - sunshine on my skin, BBQs, kids out of school and free, July 4th, my birthday, tans, popsicles, beachy hair, lazy days, pedicures, sundresses, flip-flops, trips to the beach, concerts in the park, good times, good friends, great weather, oh Summer, may you always come around every year to remind us to be wild & free.

7. Tattoos - current count: {10}

{flower tattoo/Hawaii, compass rose tattoo/Austin, my back, my quarter sleeve front/back, my 31st b-day present}

{two foot tatts/2 ankle tatts, my sister and I have matching Celtic knot tattoos for sisterhood, my tatts on display}

8.  my friends

need I say more?  I didn't think so.

9. I love this house, this is my dream house.

 I don't even know where I got this picture, it's been downloaded on my computer for a number of years now, 

so if I'm infringing on anyone's copyrights, forgive me. 

I have dream - of a house like this, on a big piece of property where the weather gets a little sticky, the days are a little slower and easier, all of the neighbors are at least "down the road", and all of my loves, old and new come to stay, come to play, and come to make happy memories.

10 1/2 (oops) 9 1/2...thunderstorms...oh, I love thunderstorms.

They are like fireworks, I just stand and stare in awe. 

<3

PS - it's also the day for the GFC Blog Hop with Melissa,  don't forget to head over there and say hi!!

{10} Secrets

I'm always up for a good challenge and this one caught my eye.

Linking up with another Lauren over at:

Life. Love. Lauren 

Ten secrets you say...

For a girl who's fond of full-disclosure and wearing her heart on her sleeve, 

finding something that's secretive is going to be a minor challenge.

If you're reading this and you know me, 
you're probably laughing because you know:

1. I am rather outspoken  
and/or 

2. you know I still have a little bit of shame left. 

so you say secrets and then I search deeply for answers

let's see what I can dust off out of the closet:

...here goes...

1. When I was a kid, I used to bite my toenails.  

(yes, gross.  really gross. yes, I just admitted that.  

yes, I'm shaking my head at my younger self.)

2. I graduated high school with Honors and as the Valedictorian
and started my career at 20...
but somehow: 
I failed college geology...twice
and college algebra...twice
&
Cardio kickboxing...once
attendance was an issue for me you see...
(yes, you can fail cardio kickboxing)

3.  The National Anthem makes me tear up.  
Every.time.

4.  I have a fear of bodies of water I can't see to the bottom of:
yes, the ocean, lakes, deep rivers...you name it, it freaks me out

5. I'm also fearful of being the lady with the smelly house

6. Somewhere in a journal, I have written down a list of baby girl names that I love.  

7. I fear that I may never actually use that list 
& then...  

this comes to mind: 

(...but listen, this isn't a pity party, so if you're not laughing after that,  well then, we might need to have a little talk.)

8. My favorite number is 17 and it's from BackDraft's Fire Engine 17 

I love that movie and I loved firemen.  (past tense)

(also, this is the first time I've admitted this publically, 

now let's just forget about this silliness all together!)

9. I've come to conclude recently that I  stay busy 

because I get depressed sometimes when my mind has too much free time.  

People think I'm single and free and happy all the time, but I'm not. 

My life is like hair color...high-lights and low-lights.

Depending on how the sun is shining, you might notice one more than the other. 

10.  One morning a few years ago when I was in a deep, deep sleep after working 

a long, long graveyard shift, I had to pee.  

Bad.  Real bad.

But I was so tired and out of it, 

I actually dreamed that I had gotten up and gone into the bathroom. 

It wasn't until I peed

 {on myself - in my sleep - in my bed}

 that I woke up and shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

Yes, I was 27 years old and I peed in my bed.

*sigh*

#tootiredfail

There...see, I didn't do so bad, huh?