{8} Mile

This ain't no Eminem story.  
As you might have read previously, back in March,  I did my first 5k and since then decided that I would do some version of an organized run  every month from then on for an entire year.  I'm 6 for 6 so far. Go me!
Why do a run a month?   No.   The question is: Why not?!

I like goals, but don't call them lofty just yet. Well, 1/2 lofty. 5k is only like 3.2 miles but the way I see it,  that's 5 more Ks than I have been doing previously ever and well,   if I'm ever going to meet that bucket list item of doing a full 26.2 marathon,  I gotta start somewhere right? 
I never get enough sleep.   It's just how things are in my world and I'm learning to cope.  When I do sleep and then it's time to get up, it looks like this: 

{ it's like my body is glued to the bed}

So Saturday I finally got out of bed and me and Lynn finally got going to Santa Cruz at 3pm. {only 3 hours later than we had originally talked about leaving} No biggie, there was no big rush.  

We talked a lot, we sang some songs (ok, I did most of the singing). There was the mandatory Starbucks trip and then there was a wall of traffic which was just a reminder to turn the radio up and roll the windows & sunroof back. 

{sunshine, sunroof, good company = good times}

Dead stopped, We tried to get everyone else in the cars around us to sing "My Sharona" with us, but no one wanted to play in our Reindeer Games.  Their loss.

We finally made it into Santa Cruz, found our sketchy little Inn, where they store all the extra furniture and decor out front by the "office", which is actually just is just a telephone number to a confused person who told us they left the key to our room under the mat in front of the door to the room where there were no pictures on the walls.  The "second" bedroom was really a rollaway in the living room right by the front window, where the fire alarm was disconnected, and there were 2x4s holding up the couch - which was described as "velvety and comfy" and "will suck you in like an SVU marathon".  

Uhhmm................

Deciding to flee the Bate's Motel get dinner,  we opted to spend the next couple of hours at the harbor and on the beach right at sunset, soaking up the last of the day, scaling the rock wall levee (carefully, in flip flops mind you) and taking about 157 pictures between two of us.   After neither one of us slid into the Pacific, we stuffed our faces at the Crow's Nest (which was classy and comfy and sucked us in like a hungry moth to a BBQ flame) before heading back to get some "sleep". 

Sleep.  Remember that thing that escapes me?  Yeah.   Neither do I and neither did Saturday night.  My August run was and ante-upper.   An 8-mile trail run.  That's the equivalent of a 12k. I'll see your 5k's and raise you 7ks, muuuwhhhaahahahaaaa!!!
8 miles on no sleep, with very little preparation, but just enough advice from Lynn on what eat to keep my energy up and keep myself hydrated for what I hoped would be less than a 3 hour trek. Running is not my forte. 
But you know what they say? Go big or go home. 
A quick breakfast on the way to carb up, we arrived at the start line about an hour early,   grabbed our gear, stretched, hydrated, and I used the bathroom like 7 times! At an all women's race, the bathroom was line was EPIC.  
Lynn was doing the half marathon, so she started 10 minutes earlier than I did.  Which left me solo and with my own motivation.

Start time 08:55 am, I took my place at the back of the pack where I remained for the next 2:16 hours.  I wasn't competing with anyone but myself.  In my book, showing up, taking time out of my hectically busy schedule, I had already won. 
Of the family, my brother, who ran ACROSS the country last year for Batten Disease, is the marathoner. I have always been the support driver, the finish line sign holder, the girl behind the scenes who didn't believe that she could step out of the sidelines and get INTO the race. 
Not anymore.  Hell.  Highwater. Doubt. Distance. None of that was going to keep me from finishing.

Source: naturalcuriosities.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Short of injuries, I was getting it done. I don't know what took over, but I did a lot of thinking out there on the trails.  I occasionally looked up at the break in the trees and felt the sun shining down on me as I kept a steady pace. 

I talked to Catie, who I dedicated my run to, who had the disease that my brother ran to raise awareness for.  Catie was a fighter and now she's an angel. I remembered how much she used to run as a child. I thought of my brother and all the miles he put in over 4.5 months. I smiled for all the times I skipped the gym or stayed in bed...today kicked the ass of all those days. I thought of the people in my life with failing health. I thought about a lot. A steady stream of sweat reminded me that this was no stroll in the park. Fire roads, steep trials with roots cut in that made their own natural steps, tripping hazards reminding me to keep my eyes on the ground and directly in front of me. My pony tail pulling some kind of wiper blade action across my back, it stuck to me just enough to keep my arms stretched back behind me occasionally to adjust it. 
I played the same songs over and over again this {one}, that {one}, this{one} again, this {one} really got me moving:  Sometimes you gotta push 
Though all your obstacles... No matter what the options are 
There is no lose , there is no fail 
LETS GO... We were born to run
I kept going as my lungs adjusted, I remembered my yoga breathing, and paid attention to Lynn's advice, fuel up about every 20 minutes, take this for cramps, take that for hydration.  Walk, run, walk, run, walk, run...the other ladies on the trail and the volunteers smiled and told me I was doing a good job, don't stop, you're almost there, you're doing a great job, keep going.
And so I did.  I kept going.   One step at at time, 1/4 mark, 1/2 mark, 2 miles left...and before I knew it, I made it.  Finished, the end, pulled out my headphones so I could hear them announce my name as I crossed the finish line. 

I texted my family, my mom, my best friends, and my trainer. 

"Done.  2:16 minutes, 8 miles.  I did it."

{this pro procrastinator did the damn thing!}

The rest of the day was kind of an exhausted, sleep-sick blur.  We made our way back to Downtown, grabbed a big lunch, bought a couple of beach towels, and then I laid out on the beach and fell asleep in 75* of sun beating down on me in the sand.  

Another long trip back and more great conversation, I got my mangled body home in one piece, calling off the early morning training session, got the back end of my shift covered, and slept for 17 glorious hours ...this is what straight out of hibernation looks like. Sunburnt and sore as all get out, but rested and completely accomplished.

Today, just short of 48 hours later, my body hurts every where.  I can feel that expanse in my lungs all stretched out when I laugh or cough. I'm moving slow.  Real slow. I feel it in my back, in my abs, in my obliques...its pain, but its good pain. It's the kind of pain you earn...it's sweet satisfaction of doing something you never thought you were capable of. 

Source: runforthethrill.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

So I went from 5 to 8 and now...now, what's next?  

I dunno, but stay tuned...it'll be good whatever it is. 

Friday's {letters} v.3

Dear earliness of Friday, it's almost 4am and I have managed to paint the entire wall that's been on the to-do list for weeks now, hang the curtains with the IKEA wire thing I bought 5 years ago, and moved the big desk from the back room to the big room all by myself.  Dear injuries, yeah, welcome, that's what I get for doing everything by myself and after being up allll night long. Dear Sleep, you found me and seduced me two days in a row.  You seductress, I could not resist you and I'm glad I didn't.  I needed you like flowers need the rain. Dear Hot August Nights, I love you.  Dear Wildfires, I know that you're hot and scary, but I think you're beautiful and since I know the good folks that knock you down and keep you from harming people, I can sit and stare in awe of your colors and your smells.  It smells like late Summer to me!!!  Dear Sunday, well now, the 8 mile trail run that I signed up for, here you are and I am totally (completely and totally) unprepared   Well, I guess I shall run, walk, and crawl and even if it takes me 3.5 hours, I will finish!!!  Dear Hot Yoga, I know you've been missing me.  I've been missing you - a lot, in my heart, in my muscles, and in my mind. We will be together soon.  Dear SheReadsTruth, I'm behind, but I'm digging the Proverbs Lessons this go around.  I'll catching up slowly.  Dear Ashley, thank you so much for this honest post.  It was a good mirror read for me and I needed to see it more than you probably ever realized while you were writing it.  Dear Life, one day at a time, huh?  You're still teaching me lessons about all kinds of stuff aren't ya?  One day it'll all make sense. Thanks for the  comedy band aids on the hard days.  They're just what I need.   

{+} 1

How was your weekend?

is what I heard as I sat down at the beginning of my shift last night. 

Uhhmmm....I had to think hard about what I did this weekend. 

I know I did stuff...but it's all kind of a blur.

Except for the wedding. 

I wore a new dress, I took a bunch of pictures, I had a good time.

{maxis, chevrons, bold stripes, oh my!}

  

I was the +1 for this wedding, the once removed guest, the friend of the friend.

{my date}

I cannot lie, I kind of went with the Wedding Crashers mentality. 

I sure didn't expect to find another date to take home with me, but I was definitely there for the food, the wine, and the entertainment.

{proof of curled hair that I knew would eventually just melt down my back outside}

I know, I know, it sounds terrible, being a wedding crasher, but I met my obligation as the +1, made nice with everyone at the table, and told the bride she looked beautiful, which she did, as all brides should look on their wedding day.

Even in the 100* wedding outdoors, sweet mother of industrial fans!

{Kelly's Mama bought us all electric fans for the heatwave, mine lit up, Kel's had Scooby, yup,that's how we roll}

{So you see, this is Kathy, she was my neighbor at table #9, I convinced her to have a "model" moment in the fan with me...ha! she said it looked like we were falling out of a plane.
Well, the fan was the size of a jet engine, so touche, Kathy, touche!}

{try as I may, and with the encouragement of the lady in the big,  black, floppy, Kentucky Derby hat sitting behind me (and maybe some wine), I just keep trying to work it!!! with the wind.  Look Ma, like this?!}

{I kept insisting that I was merely a brunette, but then this picture of my hair in the sunlight surfaced and it explained the  stained white table cloth, the wine soaked clutch, and the deceased wasp that tried to make friends with me at.table.number.nine. Apparently, you get a little unruly when you go red.  Mmmhmmm that's right.}

I refused to get up when All The Single Ladies started playing...and don't we all love that tradition where you are heckled to stand up and join in with every single woman in a 5 block radius, the younger ones under 18 being shot glances by their fathers, and the older ones, the aunts & the divorcees not getting eye contact at all.  Keep singing Beyonce, my unruly butt stayed right where it needed to be, in my seat, in front of the fan, and behind my champagne glass. 

{I just refuse to get into the bouquet hungry mosh pit}

Even if I refuse to play tackle for the bouquet, I am just a girl (and a photographer and a very creative soul),  so of course I noticed all the little wedding things that I'm sure took months to plan: the flowers, the table decor, all the pinteresty details, the accent colors, the way the light shone through the trees, the bridesmaids shoes, the up-do's, the delicately tied ribbons in pink and green, and finally a detail that was pointed out to me by my date: the name of the bride's late mother front row and center and then again in the brides bouquet a picture of the two of them when the bride was just a baby. 

There's always a moment during weddings that I just kind of love the most.  It's not the I-dos or the first kiss or the vows...it's the moment when the nervous, excited groom sees the bride for the first time.  It's the moment that the rest of the audience usually neglects because they're all turned around looking at the bride.  Yeah, she gets her dues, it's pretty much her day, but I always like to sneak a little glance at him and see his face light up when she first steps into view.  I know, I'm such a romantic, but you know they say it's not about the number of breaths you take but it's the moments that take your breath away.

{ Hey, just breathe, buddy, just breathe.}

Ironically, I was almost late to this shindig, solely for getting caught up on 1) sleep and 2) YouTube videos of the.one.  the.only.  my.cinematic.love-of-all-romance-movies: The Notebook.

*sigh*

I just have to share.

First I stumbled upon this (again):

(Girl crush alert!  She is so damn adorable!)

and then I landed on this (for the millionteenth time):

{one of my absolute favorite parts of this movie...the couple that's not afraid to tell it like it is...
"so it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard, and we're gonna have to work at this every day but I wanna do that, because I want you, I want all of you forever, you and me every day...picture your life...don't you take the easy way out...what do you want?"}

and finally cause I just love these two together and that Ryan Gosling swagger and mischievous smile and that look he gets in his eyes... (oh chil' I'm fanning myself just thinking about it! I'm all veclempt!)

So that was the highlight of my weekend. 

The hot, sweaty, coral colored, wine-stained, romantical, wind-swept, unruly highlight.

Congratulations to Mike & Jourdan, forever each other's +1. 

{and be still my Ryan Gosling beating heart}

xoXoxOOxxOooOoooX

~ Lauren 

{Survived}: my weekend in pictures

I saw this weekend coming for weeks...

on paper, in my calendar, it looked manageable. 

 It would prove to test my limits, but it was so worth it. 

It was jam-packed full of: family, friends, food, 5Ks, personal achievements, music, mishaps and detours, many, many miles and oh so many memories.

Earlier this week, I announced that I had some craziness coming at me like a runaway train,
some of you wished me well,

maybe a few of you prayed that I'd make it through in once piece. 

Thank you, thank you. 

I survived, barely any worse for the wear {ok, maybe a few lbs extra, but I'll work those off in due time}.
If I didn't get a chance to see you in the last few days, here's the storyboard:

My official weekend began on Wednesday, the only day without out of town plans, I was overdue for a visit to my Grandparents.

It's tradition to grab tacos from our local taqueria and sit and catch up for a couple of hours. 

This time, we each had unexpected, belated gifts to exchange. 

Really though, just hanging out with Grams & Gramps is a treat in itself. 

Thursday was left to appointments, bills, some time with my Uncle Mick, and a 10 hour shift-trade that lasted well into the AM hours.  Enough to keep a girl plenty busy.  I just drove around town and gave my money away, but there's this thing called ownership and that other thing called functioning utilities.  Meh. 

{bills, bills, bills...but then I got to go to lunch with this sweet ol' guy!}

Friday, the day that pushed the limits. 

{cousins are as cousins do, my younger crazy bro, my cousin, and me}

{we wait, we make faces, we stand, we make faces, we take pictures, we make faces}

After about 2.5 hours of sleep coming off of my Thursday night trade, I was up at 6am and getting ready to be in Sacramento for 2012's first graduating class of the California Highway Patrol (hoo-rah!), my cousin, Mike, being one of those proud, new officers.

{The Class Motto: "Blessed are the Peacekeepers"...for they shall be called the Sons of God. It is and has been one of my favorite Cop verses/sayings for years now. 
It made me happy to know that this graduating class of 67 men and women began their careers with that as their motto and their direction for their future. 
God Bless the Peacekeepers}

I've been the law enforcement black sheep in my family for about 15 years, to know that there would be someone else in this profession with me in our family now -  knowing the climate of these political and criminal days lately, knowing what it was to take that oath, and put on that badge, knowing the stress of training, shift work, not just the physical stress, but the emotional one, knowing that it's a sacrifice of the entire family when you have someone in a uniform, in a vest, on the side of the highway, behind a gun and a shield, in the service of others and willing to sacrifice everything that comes with that...to know these things is bittersweet.  It is humbling and proud all at once.

I just sat there in that gymnasium and listened with pride and tears in my eyes as I heard these words said over and over again from various speakers: 

you are all public servants, we are the muscle & bone of government

you are warriors, peacemakers, and now you know that you are more than the sum of yourselves

know that you have the authority but now the responsibility

stand proud, noble, upright, humble

remember you are and remember who stands next to you

May God be with you all

Leaving the gradation after the badge pinning, I headed straight over to this Capitol adjacent office to talk politics and political strategy game plan for the upcoming local election campaigns. 

Yes, this is what I do in my "free" time as the 8-year+ Secretary of the Police Officers Association.

I wear a lot of hats and crack a lot of whips.

Back in high school, there were two things I said I knew (I was 17, I knew tons of s#!% yo!) that I just didn't want to "sit in front of a computer screen all day" or "work in politics".

Adult Lauren, meet 17-y/o Lauren, she jinxed you. 

{Friday the 13th, the day when Scratchers, nude peep toe pumps, and purses ride shotgun}

No rest for the wicked, the rest of my day was tied up in traffic, errands, and trying to figure out how to intravenously inject caffeine into my system and wondering if I just poured it directly into my eyeballs would it be more effective? 

{Gallery showing/fundraiser for Rwanda for Justice, an NPO operating to educate Rwandan law enforcement and medical professionals to treat and counsel childhood victims of sexual abuse}

Home with just an hour to nap and change again, I headed off to an art showing for my good friend, and well she might as well be a little sister, Kerri, who had her first art showing.  She said "yeah, it'll just be a few pictures up on a wall. Oh ye of little self-confidence.  This was a showing of beauty, compassion, grace, talent, and pure God-given talent.  So young, so nervous, this girl is incredible, humble, and talented beyond her years.  This is just her beginning.  Someday I'll say "I knew her in her infancy, she was my second shooter at a wedding one time and now her portraits are in international art galleries."

Between the graduation in the morning and the gallery showing at night, it was just a day to celebrate personal achievement and applaud the compassion and dedication of the human spirit.

{my always-ready passenger, Uncle Mick, came with me - he just likes to get out and have a good time, and it comes easy for him because he is truly one of the friendliest men you will ever meet - we shall mark this photo "pre-incident"}

The actual "incident" involved a high curb and some gravel.  Let's just say it as a big monkey wrench in the long day that was Friday, but we literally rolled with the punches.

{we are 1 more incident away from an Emergency Protective Order (EPO) issued by Adult Protective Services (APS), me being the "restrained party" (R/O)...
I swear, it's just a coincidence that I'm always there for the falls.}

I busted out the EMD assessment with the quickness, gathered some first aid supplies, applied a few rusty, old  EMT skills and had this guy all patched up in no time. 

 Our cover story: teaching some local kids at the community center  what it was like to box back in the days of Muhammed Ali and Joe Frazier, things just got a little too real, yo!

Friday still incomplete without making pasta for 50 people, a night of cooking was still in store.  Let's say that tired cooks, sundresses, and boiling water do not mix.  Pasta is pretty forgiving, the cooking gods smiled down upon me and I prevailed just before the stroke of 2am.

{Childhood memory: my mom used to spank me with these wooden spoons when I was a kid...a few years later, she was talking to the neighbor over the back fence.  He told her that he found half a dozen wooden spoons thrown over the fence and was she missing any?  Uhhh...so slick us younguns thought we were.  So slick.}



Saturday ushered in yet another celebration with the entire family to celebrate our new Officer's accomplishments.  I just watched their faces, their reactions at the training video, the questions they had filled with wonder about what they had seen on COPS, how bad the new "beat" was going to be...perception vs. reality.  I just smiled at my cousin with the look that said "I've got your back."  He's part of the Police family now, a different breed, the one that bleeds blue and runs into danger while everyone else is running out.

{20 minutes in the sunshine on the edge of the pool watching the youngest generation of my family float all their childhood troubles away - remembering when a bathing suit, a pair of goggles and the awe of being able to do a headstand underwater was all it took to create bliss}

Earlier this year, I made it a goal to walk/run/participate in an organized run once a month for a year.  I started in March and haven't missed a month yet...this month made 5 for 5.  Of course an epic weekend wouldn't be epic without some kind of physical challenge.  Just the sheer distance between the Bay Area and Davis, CA in a jam packed weekend was enough to count as a physical challenge, but nonetheless, I got myself home, in my house for a quick change and off to the Moo-nlight Race along with what could have been half of the population of Northern California.

{these are the real runners...the marathoners, they came at us like hoards of zombies...we were walking, but I felt like we were slowly going to be overtaken by "walkers"...note to self: couch to 5-k, get on it so next time you won't become a speed bump for people in lycra and duty belts full of hydration bottles}

I could stop here and tell you that after the "run" I went home and went to be early, but I'd be lying. 

There was a post-party for the retirement party I missed while stuck in Davis traffic, so I ended up out on a ranch just east west of town and caught up with old friends in loooooow places {channel your inner Garth Brooks, go ahead, I know you just sang that lyric}. 

And then...Sunday came. 

I had been counting down the days to Sunday for months. 

Named The BEST Day Ever (part duex) 2012 edition, Sunday belonged to two of our favorite guys:

Kenny & Tim

{sigh}

You see, I am just a little bit more country than rock and roll.

{supplies .99 at a time, we got some looks standing in line...proof that our crazy day plans were already working}

{party supplies...we were prepared to make friends and have fun, this was round 2, we tried this technique 4 years ago with great success, people will do just about anything for free booze lemme tell you!!!}

{What Would You Do For A Jello Shot?!  Would you hula-hoop?  Would you limbo?  Would you strip down into a bikini top and grass skirt and do a little dance?}

{2008...who could say no to this band of merry Jello shot do-gooders?  No one, that's who.  No one.}

{girls, horns, and camera phones...we be making memories all day long}

{I call this an oasis...you call it what you want, this is a County Music fans Mecca}

{just happy}

{Kodak moment meets the tour bus}

{The clear day rolled out with the sunset and the Bay Area fog bank rolled in, just in time for a light show to put on a dance over our heads.  As I looked up singing along, I whispered  wishes and hellos to loved ones far and wide, the people that I thought of as my favorite songs floated out across the Coliseum.  Music always takes me to my favorite places, my favorite people, and my favorite times.  Music makes my world go 'round.}

Oh, how was the concert?  It was awesome!!!  I have a not-so-secret love affair with all musical things Kenny Chesney.  He loves what he does and it shows.  He's not singing to throngs of fans, he's putting on a show for all of his friends.  I'm a regular concert goer, and my musical taste runs the gamut.  There is nothing more disappointing than paying good, hard-earned money to watch someone put on the light and smoke show and a half-assed lip-synced show.  You'll never get that here. 

In the words of Kenny Chesney himself  "Music is one of the most powerful forces.  It speaks to our hearts, our minds, our souls...it takes us back to places we've forgotten and memories that have faded."

{We danced.  We sang.  We drank.  We smiled into the night...
We took pictures,  we made new friends, but above all else, we had fun, we made new memories, and we didn't worry about the to-do lists, family concerns, and job responsibilities, even if just for a few hours.}


I leave my weekend with a kitchen sink full of dirty dishes, an empty gas tank, an iPhone full to capacity with videos and pictures, an always increasing appreciation for my friends & family, a letting go of feeling like this place I call home is suffocating me, and a heart full of memories. 


I could tell you that it's easy for me to remember to be grateful and thankful all the time, but I'm not. 
I slip into wondering if the things I really want will ever happen for me.
Yeah, it's not all concert-stubs, sappy blogs, and photo challenges.

I can tell you that I sometimes think I'm addicted to staying busy, that when things slow down, I don't know what to do with myself because I've programmed myself to fill my days with meaning and purpose, or entertainment and hobbies.

I can make all kinds of comparisons about what it isn't, but what I will tell you it is
is that I am always making an effort to take advantage of the days and find time
for the people who I hold dear to me. 

I will tell you that the effort is worth it and you can always get some sleep tomorrow.

I will tell you that it's not the days we remember but the moments. 

If you were part of any of these moments of mine in these last five days, thank you for being part of my life.

~ Lauren