{refinishing}

on the tail of my long weekend, as I stepped out of the shower and into my uniform for the long graveyard shift that awaited me, I had this thought:

I feel like an old piece of furniture right now

I have a great base, strong structure, I'm made of good, solid materials that will endure the test of time

but I feel like I'm in need of some TLC lately

someone to strip down all those layers of old lacquer and buff out the dings & dents collected over the years

someone with the care to make the grain shine again

refinishing

{and I know of Someone who was a carpenter}

I know a little bit about refinishing myself

in highschool, when I had no nagging to-do lists and to much time during the Summer,

I took on a couple of refinishing projects

I have a couple of those pieces in my house still

I know what it's like to brush on the layers of paint thinner

 to wait and then scrape off the layers of paint and gloss

to go into the cracks and details with small tools to remove all the gunk

to sand and buff, with the grain, maybe against it in some spots

to then to stand back after you clean it all up and see it for it's beauty, raw

but polish, polish just makes it shine a little bit better

it protects it from the elements

I'm no IKEA, I'm the piece you keep in the family

the one made with nails and not particle board pegs

the one that has a few stories in it's wear

the one that gets a by-line in the will

my "Structure" - I didn't forget it was there all this time, I just ignored it, pushed it away when it wasn't convenient, put it up in the rafters, tucked away out of sight out of mind

my heartache, he is made of some good materials too, he's got a lot of dents and dings, but funny thing is, even with the heartache that eventually came out of our relationship, he had no idea, probably doesn't still, but he was sanding me down in his own way

{pin}

funny thing, romantically, I told him that we'd be a good challenge for each other

that we'd be good pressure for each other

the kind of pressure that makes diamonds shine from the dust

he agreed

but, romantically, we never met on those grounds

 and now just lately I'm seeing it:

a complicated but consistent friendship, turned unrequited love, now a long, awkward silence, not sure if it will ever return again, but still laced with mutual respect and caring

= sandpaper

{ah-ha!}

he was never afraid to say Who he believed in,

that went against the grain of the others his age & in this day in our singledom

I noticed and that made me comfortable to talk about Him too

in talking about Him, Who is my Base and my Structure

I began talking directly to Him again

{out of the rafters, back into sight}

praying, I started praying again
praying daily
praying hard
praying with my whole heart


{these lyrics: ...I live here on my knees...
Something always brings me back to you}

 like any good paradox

when our friendship became my heartache

when my layers of shine got big cracks in it

  when the big dent in my structure felt like it was going to make me give way and start to teeter

having been reminded Who was in charge

by the very thing that had me feeling like crumbling,
I realized my strength

I remembered what I was made of

and now I pray for refinishing

my heartache isn't the only one sanding me into something new these days

I started really digging into this blogging thing in these last few weeks,

I've come across some other beautiful pieces of furniture.

 I read their stories, the words they're not afraid to share, the encouragment that they unapologetic-ally gave, I read between their lines, I pay attention to their details,  and I see the beauty of other well-made pieces, ones that are made of good materials, and will stand the test of time

these are the few that I have come across, just the few so far
{I'm sure that there are so many more that I'll come across soon}
 not to be gritty or adverse, but they, and probably without knowing and just by being their own proud, strong, and faithful selves, these ladies, by their testimony, have polished me as well:

 My favorite verse over the last couple of months, the one that applies making diamonds from dust:  

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

As is any good process, there is more work to be done,

but this piece {me} is here to stay and here to shine. 

xo ~ Lauren