a {rebel} without a blog

Hi.
I'm back.
I went away for a little while.   (like 6 weeks awhile) I do this sometimes. 
I'm OK.  Really. I am.   I just got a little behind with the self-imposed writing deadlines and weeklies, and then I got busy, and then I went on vacation, and, and, and... I can't lie, I felt an uncomfortable amount pressure to keep this blog up and I didn't like it.  I love to write.   I do.   I love to converse, text, talk, read, watch, listen...share. Right now though...I'm kind of (fill in the blank)  pensive.   Yeah, that's the word.   I'm in such a different place in my life and in my head than I was last time this year. But, there are so many things on my plate, so many pressures that have to be met:  work, bills, fitness, family obligations, speed limits when there's a really damn good fast song on! I just can't get out of some of those, so I went and got out of the one that I could control.    I could stop writing.  I have power over that.   Yeah, I think not writing has been my rebellion.  Does that make sense at all?  I became a rebel without a blog.   All the while, the that tiny small voice was telling me: Why are you giving up the one thing you really love? It's your outlet. You know how you get when you bottle it all up inside.
 

{my kitchen blackboard and love notes to myself}

 

Getting back here hasn't been as easy as I thought. 

It should be like riding a bike, just get back on, right? That's what they say at least. I had to do a little bit of convincing. I had to romance myself with little sweet notes and reminders. I had to imagine that I needed inspiration to post something again. But really...I didn't have to do anything. I just had to sit down and start again.   So right now I'm liking the creative fury of my fingers dancing on this keyboard.
It's a familiar melody that needs to be played more often.   Getting back on the writing saddle is like anything else.  Showing up is half the battle but look, I'm already winning that one. I'm here.  I showed up.  I just gotta set some new rules so I don't find my way back to blank again. Or maybe I don't need rules, I just need some Hemingway:   There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. Ernest Hemingway <3

{Hi, I'm back.}

coffee date: {grateful}

It's been a while since I've linked up with  Alissa @ Rags to Stiches for a coffee date,  but I'm totally in a fall coffee kind of mood and I want to share today. Over a venti Pumpkin Spice Latte  (my favorite coffee ever! oh my be still my beating heart!!!) I'd tell you: 
I did the math last night and realized that I am working a 70-hour work week this week.   It's kind of a hazy blur, and yeah it's a lot of crazy hours, but I'm managing OK.
It'll make my weekend that much sweeter when it finally gets here.
I'd tell you that in what down time I had this week:
I've caught up with old friends in email and text,  checked a few things off my to-do list (like renting a textbook for my new major in Business Marketing:  back to school after 10 years of this full time+ career and I'm excited!) read some great new blogs, made myself a blog button,  and finally caught up on my She Reads Truth Proverbs Daily. 

I'd share that today was Proverbs 27 and verse17 has been finding me all yearlong.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  
A constant reminder that the people who are falling in & out of my life  in person & here in the blogger world are all there for a purpose. I'm starting to see how some of the dots of sadness and disappointment are connecting  into a bigger picture kind of woven story that's all my own.

I'd tell you that despite these long days:  I had a great dinner with my friends Carrie, Jacob, and their baby Olivia.  I woke up to a picture of cute baby Owen the other day.  The clouds and sky all this week have captivated me. I made it to the gym to run twice early in the AM after my shift. I saw my childhood friend who was having her first kind of great day after the last couple of months of chemo/radiation. I spent time with my Uncle.  Time with him will be gone sooner rather than later.  It's bittersweet.  We have peace in knowing he'll go to a better place, but we will miss him.  Our law enforcement community lost another patrol officer due to a senseless gunman.  It is happening to often and a loss of one is a loss to us all.  It makes my heart heavy. I held back tears when a friend told me nonchalantly that she prays for me everyday.  I didn't hold back tears when another friend thanked me for loving her and her family unconditionally and that a quick email to check in on her early at 5am was a major comfort to her when she really needed it.  Timing. My other lesson this year.
Finally, I'd tell you that this has been a busy week but when I sat down to write this coffee blog,  I realized how grateful I really am and should be. 
I have a good, reliable job, a house of my own to live in,  precious friends & family that love me, and I have a lot of: goals, ambition, dreams, and opportunities that have yet to come to light. 
I hope you all have had a great week and good weekend that is still yet to come.  <3

{just} because

Busy is as busy does and I've missed a couple of posts that I meant  to get up in the last week or so.  Today seems like a perfect day to play catch up! If you haven't had a chance  yes, check out Operation Beautiful,  Hosted by Shane {Whispering Sweet Nothings}. It's a great opportunity for a little self-reflection,  and a gentle reminder to appreciate who we are as women.
My opinions on what I think is beautiful, heck my opinion of myself, is an evolution.  I don't necessarily feel beautiful day-in day-out,  but I'm learning to see myself through other people's eyes,  be more forgiving and less of my own worst critic.  Seriously, girls, we are harder on ourselves than we should be!
My entry for Operation Beautiful IV: 

My other little catch-up for the week is for the last Jewelry Swap hosted by Melissa  {Life of a Not So Ordinary House Wife}
I had a nice shift change weekend/Labor Day weekend and when I finally got around to checking the mail, I found these awesome, and brand new feather earrings in my mailbox from Marissa {Everyday Lounge Act}. Thanks Marissa!!!
You see I have a Las Vegas trip coming up and they are a perfect match  for the outrageous skirt I bought to wear out.  

I'm going for a Las Vegas Neon Sign look.  We've decided that I shall be called Tropicana the night I don this outfit.   Or Tropical Thunder. It's still being discussed... Yup. Hot (yeah girl) neon mess.   Meow.  So yeah... Viva Las Vegas & Happy Thursday to you all!!! <3

Lo made a {button}!

Knock one more off the to-do list! 

I finally made myself a lil' ol' blogger button!

It's here or on my sidebar if you want to swap. 

{uhh...still figuring out the sponsor/swap thing too}

I used {this} tutorial from Jade Louise Designs and found it to be really helpful.

It's not has hard as it looks, but still some trial & error for this gal. 

   

<a border="0" href=http://meandmybeautifulmess.blogspot.com/ " target="_blank"><img src="http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f234/lolo_h2o/bloggerbutton.jpg"/></a>

Slowly but surely, I'm working through all this blogger schtuff. 

Now to clean up this mess of a blog...yeah, yeah, I have plans you see. 

In time...in time...stay tuned.

Happy Hump day to you all, it's almost the weekend again!!!

7 {wants}

It's Tuesday! Time for another You Challenge: 
This week is {7} Wants: 
1) I want a nap.

Source: via Karin on Pinterest

  Seriously, just about every day, I want a nap at some point. Figure those things are for the really young or the really old,  but I think we need a campaign to bring those back for all the people in between.  I'll sign that petition. 
2) I want to be debt-free someday.
but if I had extra $, I would totally do this next thing: 
3) I want to go here: 

Source: adelto.co.uk via Lauren on Pinterest

I want to go yesterday, today, tomorrow, each time for a long time,  and then on the regular for many, many years after that. 
4. I want November 7th to come quickly.  I hate politics, but I find myself neck deep in the local ones around here  and unable to escape the coverage of the state and local ones.  It's exhausting (and we're just getting started) I'll be glad when it's all over.
5.  more tattoos (if you have any, you know just how addicting  they are)

Source: fuckyeahtattoos.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6)  a fresh zip code, a new career, a start of a new chapter

Source: releasemecreations.com via Lauren on Pinterest

and lastly... 7.  I wan(t)na love you, and treat you right.   I wanna love you every day and every night...  ~ Bob Marley 
What do you want?  Head over to Lauren or Tiffany's blogs and join in!
 

I'm also linking up to the GFC Blog Hop with 
Melissa @ Life of a Not So Ordinary House Wife

Snippets & Soundbytes: Simply {Sunday}

Well, it's my version of Sunday at least.  Simple?  Eh.
There's music, pictures, food, a little bit of comedy. I managed to make it through 14 hours of work... yes, 14 hours (0200-1600) in one piece, but  determined not to hit the couch face first right when I got home.  Shift work ain't for the birds.   Honestly, it's half the struggle sometimes.
We're in another Indian Summer around here. Typical for these last few years. Hot August nights roll into sultry September days. 

It was 95* when I got off, but a gentle breeze was calling as a reminder to  open all the doors and windows,  put on some Zac Brown Band and let the light come streaming in. 
Everything around here, the hills, the leaves, the trees  are shades of brown, orange, and red.  The sun is setting earlier and earlier, painting everything in sepia tones. 

I ended up in the backyard watering the thirsty garden and then while Emma "supervised" I finally picked some tomatoes. I tell you nothing beats home grown tomatoes.  This is actually the first time this year they've made it into the house.  I usually grab a handful and snack on them while I water early in the morning.
I have more tomatoes than I can use myself,  so I plan on gifting some of them to my mother.  Especially after this text she sent me a couple of weeks ago: 

See mine in the picture up top and hers? 

They're from the same nursery and planted at the same time.  

I have no idea what happened to them, but she's killing me with this diatribe. 

Thirty minutes later, fresh off of a weekend road-trip home from Lake Tahoe,  I convinced my friend Mellissa and her husband Dave to join me for a pedicure. 

Exhausted and completely willing participant to the calf and foot massage I was getting,  I fell asleep with this gem of a tune playing in the nail salon. 

I thought this kind of music was legally only allowed to be played  on Midnight Special DVD Collections at 3am and in elevators?  Yeah, see, 14 seconds into the song and you're probably comatose too.   I was out.  There might have been drool.

{sidenote: some kind of power of suggestion, my nails are the exact same color as my car. Weird}

Nothing cures a massage chair coma like a Freeb!rds burrito and  a few more tunes on the drive home with all the windows down.   This familiar old song is straight out of my ... pre-teens? 
Yeah, this is twenty (one) years old! 21.  It's old enough to legally drink now! What?!
Ah, anyways, here I am now, blogging a little bit of my night before I finally give in and go to sleep.   I have two whole days off (fingers-crossed) and no solid plans. Maybe I can finally get to that stamp collection I've been meaning to organize. Just kidding.  But I'm sure I'll find another adventure in the next 48 hours. 
Hope y'all have a great Labor Day Holiday!
Stay thirsty, stay classy, stay safe my friends!
<3,

{Dear} Friday v.4

Dear Friday, well hello there.  I thought you might never get here, but you never fail me. You see I have finally resigned myself to your late hour, having made it through the day and the week.  Dear Red Wine, yes you, I like your sassy bottle curves and your sneaky little smile.  Mmmm...  

Dear Billy Currington (double mmmm...), if you could only see me spinning around this big candlelit room with a glass in my hand, well, that voice of yours is always doing something right.   Dear Sore Body, yeah, you.  You keep wanting to give up on me one muscle a a time, but surely and slowly we're getting it back.  No, no.  No more giving up and giving in.  We're both in this for the long haul.  I have to live somewhere, and it's not longer going to be a lazy garbage dump.   Dear Lynn, Jill, Ashley, Gail, and Michelle, thanks for the nods, the emails, the kudos, and the encouragement this week. Dear Aunt Liz & Uncle Tom, thank you for the invite.  Tomorrow's Cal v. Nevada College Football game is going to be quite amazing.  Somehow I have managed to make it to 31 never having been to a live College Football Game.  I think it's high time to do some jumping, shouting, and screaming!!   Dear Summer, I am sad to see you go.  I feel like we were just getting comfy together.  I can't believe you're gone again.  Like another lost love...*sigh*, but I have hope you'll be back some day.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.  You know how much I love you even if I sometimes complain about how uncomfortable you make me. Dear Family, we knew it was coming, let's make the best of our time with our blessed, sweet Uncle Mickey.  3-6 months isn't a long time, but it's an invitation to make the most if it and so many people don't get that at all.  Don't be afraid.  There's nothing to fear.  It's just going to hurt for a while.  Don't let it disable you from spending the few good days and moments we have left with him.   Dear Louise, you didn't get a warning.  No one should ever outlive their children.  I can't think of the words to say to you to help be a comfort, other than you have my thoughts and my prayers.  Dear readers, whoever you are.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Whether it's the actual words, a kind gesture, a moment of time our of your day dedicated to thinking of them and simply saying that they're on your mind.  Do it.  Do it now, do it consistently, do it sincerely   


Hoping everyone has a great weekend! XO,