Snippets & {Sound}-bytes

Music and pictures, they are a BIG part of my world.

There is rarely silence.  

I drive, I sing.

I shower, I sing.

I cook, I sing & dance.

I work with headphones in one ear most of the time...

XM, Sirius, Pandora, Spotify, Shazam: words that look like they belong on prescription bottles. 

How fitting. Music, like laughter, is often the BEST medicine.

Sometimes when conversation just falls flat, music fills the void. 

 Lyrics become the poet. 

Tempo becomes the heartbeat.

I listen to with my eyes, my ears, my heart, my mind. 

So, I present a new label: Snippets and Sound-bytes.  

The music that is the soundtrack of my life. 

These will be frequent pit stops in this thing I call my blog - the chronicles of my life's adventure.

For what is a good road-trip with out music? 

 Just.another.boring.drive. & we will simply have none of that here.

Here are a few of my new and old favorites that spoke to me this week: 

This sunrise, 6am on July 5th after a long mid-week holiday graveyard shift,

 I walked out of the building and it was unusually windy and cool for a July morning.  

The air was kind of hazy, I suspect it was still smokey fireworks remains from the spectacular, spectacular show the neighbors put on all over town. 

I ended up taking the long way home to try and grab a picture of this sunrise before I went home to bed and came across this heard this new song and instantly picked up on these lyrics : 

We are listening

and we're not blind

This is your life

This is your time

Yes, Snow Patrol, this exactly the message I've been hearing over and over lately!

Oh, Florence, you sultry redhead you, sing to me!!  

I was never a huge fan of this song until the beginning of this year in a Vinyasa class, a 2.5 hour workshop actually, all about hips and twists. 

My two favorite teachers taught they class together - they are like Lucy & Ethel. 

To break it all up, this song came on, and we all just did what the lyrics said to do: 

shake it out, shake it out, ooh woah!  

I had to actually feel this one before I heard it, but when I did, these words stuck with me: 

It's always darkest before the dawn

&

It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake him off 

Do yourself a favor, find a couple of minutes, maybe a spot where you can dance like no one is watching or like you were a kid again and turn this on and turn it up:  

And finally, these guys, 7Lions, what can I say?  

I couldn't find the Shazam button fast enough when this song came on? 

I never heard this before but I turned it up and rocked out with the quickness!

I went home and pasted it on friend's FB walls and demanded that we find our sports bras, go to the gym, and start running immediately! 

I pictured a svelte version of myself in some fabulous running attire chasing down a marathon barely breaking a sweat like I was part gazelle and not the actual version of how I run like I have developed sudden onset asthma and my lower body feels like it's encased in Papier-mâché. 

Bruce Springsteen, you rock God you, you will always be the Godfather of Born to Run, but this is my new workout JAM!!!  

So what did you hear this week?  What songs do you have to share with me to add to my musical arsenal? 

~ Mix Masta Lolo

WIWW: {Americana}

Wednesday is my favorite day, because Wednesday is my Friday and my short day, which means that it's an 8-hour day (yes, that's like a regular day in a regular 9-5) instead of a 12-hour day, and it doesn't actually start until 10pm which makes 6am come a lot faster which ushers in my official weekend that actually starts on Thursday and lasts through Sunday which is actually my Monday.

Confused? Yes.
It's a little hairy to keep track of it all, but nonetheless, I really like Wednesdays even when it's not the FOURTH OF JULY!! {hello!?}

{an afternoon hike through the hills before the 4th of July BBQ feast}

After a myriad of computer work, picture editing, gardening, and dog walking I finally made it out of the house declaring on Facebook "Gurl done left the house looking like Old Glory, you betta believe!"

{Old Glory, Red Tahoe, all-America}

I packed up my new yellow bag (Nine West find from Ross for $26.99, score!!) and set out for a couple of BBQ pit stops before I went in to handle business on the front end of a long night under my headset. 

{friend Mel: homegrown, red/white chevron dress: Old Navy, blue shirt: Charlotte Russe}

I am 5'5" and in a long standing love affair with maxi dresses.
I suspect my 40-hours a week in a uniform and boots has fueled my like for these free & easy dresses "off-duty" even more.
I hate pants..it's a running joke, the friends know about it…Lauren hates pants.
Cue: Lauren loves dresses. :)

When I'm out at any clothing store, they draw me in like a moth to a flame…

like Spock to the Starship Enterprise.
I am futile to resist their long, flowy charms.

{Confession: my name is Lauren, I bought 4 dresses and 1 maxi skirt last week}

{purse charm: gift, bangles: Forever 21,  Nine West purse: Ross, necklace: Mark.}

{I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller'...}

I eyed this dress at Old Navy a few weeks ago, sent a few of my BFFS and my sister a picture from the dressing room
"Red chevrons? Yay or nay?"
Yay, they sent unaimously..and so my new dress went home with me and hung from the closet for the last few weeks staring me down, waving at me {hello, like a flag!!} just waiting to be worn.
I cannot lie. I put it on last week one night and danced around my house in it to break it in.

It swooshes. It's sashays. It sweeps.

It pools (?)…yes in a small fabric puddle around my feet.

Tell me I'm not the only one who has this problem, #shortgirls where you at?!
Back a sista up here!

It causes me to think that there should be some kind of dress clip, similar to a purse clip that you put on the table edge to keep your bags from sitting on the floor, but this clip would be to free up your second hand from holding your dress so you don't trip to your death or end up face first in the lawn while your plate full of food floats in the swimming pool and everyone puts downt their hot-dogs to stop and stare at you
{THAT didn't happen but it's riiiight there one wrong step away}.
{note to self: invent & patent the dress clip}

{Ode to Pinterest: flag cake, fruit kabobs, shrimp and roasted corn salsa, and American rice cripie treats}

This day is one of my favorite holidays ever - a midsummer holiday, full of: fireworks, warm weather, good food, red dye, blue dye, good music, friends, family, &sparklers! Oh my!

(Yeah, yeah, even if in my line of work, that translates to drunken arguments, traffic jams, fires, explosions, injuries, pursuuuuuuits, shots fired…)

Still…this is a GREAT holiday.
Celebrate America.
Celebrate Freedom.
Thank those who keep us safe and secure, here and abroad.

I ended up Downtown at a friend's house and then walked over to Main St to visit another,

 as I wandered through the crowd, {this song} was playing by Lee Greenwood:

And I proudly {STAND UP} next to you and defend her still today, cause there ain't no doubt, I love this land, God bless the USA.

I smiled, I whispered the song in a hum along with the lyrics, I felt the breeze, as I sashayed through the crowd in my flag patterned duds, and as the sky lit up I said a thank you to the Heavens for all that I have in my life - the people, the things, the awareness.

A final reminder, as it always has been, as it always should be, as it was founded:

God Bless America

Land of the Free, because of the Brave.

I hope you all had a HAPPY {and safe} FOURTH OF JULY!!!

~ Lauren

Stand {UP}: a Declaration of Independence

I have to.
I have to write.
I've gotta say it now before my mind remembers something else in it's place.

A constant stream of Furious thoughts in my head right now like, they're like…fireworks.

Fireworks.

That's exactly what they're like! 

On this early morning Fourth of July, my mind is alive with thoughts like fireworks in the night sky.

They hit me with a loud BOOM {hey, listen up!!!}

I see their light, their beauty, their sparkle...

I stare up with awe and wonder as I'm trying desperately to capture them fast enough and inscribe them here before they burn out and fall to the Earth.

I'm committed to this 30-day photo challenge on instagram…so far so good, just on day 3. 

 I did pretty good a couple of years ago on the 365 picture a year challenge…I only fizzled out towards the end of the year.  30 days?  Pussshaww. Done.

I'll do it.  I can't not do it.  It's what I do.  I see the details, the light, the shadows, the irony, the hidden messages waiting to be seen, the symbiosis, the answers to prayer, the sorrow, the beauty…

I see it all, I can't shut my eyes to it, close my ears, or turn off my mind.

I have friends and family that get annoyed with it..with the constant picture taking, 

 the recording of the saying and the notes into my iphone or scratching them out onto whatever piece of paper I can get my hands on.
Blogging.  Huh? What's that? 
I've kept it to myself until now.

Why do I do it?
Well, I do these things for me & for all of us;

for now & for the point in the future when we'll want to look back because memory failed us or someone was gone but then in the words, in the lines, in the images, we find them and ourselves again.

  We find our roadmap to how we arrived at our present, find a dream that lost its wings and needs to be revived, we remind ourselves of who we used to be and who we are still.

I am the keeper of my dreams, the recorder of my memories, the chronicler of my adventures

My life is a novel, these are my chapters - it’s a storybook, a thesis, a photo spread.

I had this conversation with my dear, sweet friend last night - her and I, an ocean apart, never having "met" IRL, but finding we share the same ideas & feelings simultaneously:

I want to tune out, but I can't.  It's not who I am. 

My to do list.  I can't even show you. 

You might break out in hives or get sweaty like I do when I look at it.

I have a hard time saying no.

Despite that...I can't stop writing, I can't stop taking like a million pictures with my iphone at every turn. Literally, at.every.turn. 

I could fill an entire album of pictures with the photos I've taken with my phone in one hand
& the steering wheel in the other.

I keep saying that it's my struggle to live in this day, in this moment and just when I think I have a handle on it, BAM!, I feel kind of overwhelmed. 

but I'm not sinking, I'm not.

I'm kind of floundering some days, but I'm always afloat

 all this struggle, it is making me stronger.  

I refuse to sink. 

 I refuse.

In the midst of this ramble I had been writing, I had this: The Crazies' Manifesto {written exquisitely by Andrea Balt, she's brilliant} delivered to me by my friend and fellow blogger Lynn; someone who gets me, she knows me well, she understands my words and just said this to me today:

"One of the things I think you've managed to do (well, there are so many but speaking to this point) is become more aware of each moment as it is occurring. Living in the moment, being more present."

STOP. Stop here and read the Manifesto before you go any further. 

Call it a commandment, a requirement, a prescription. 
You have to read this, you have to listen to the song embedded in the text…you have to before you go any further. Step into it and maybe you'll understand what I'm about to say.

These words, beautiful, fluid…they were love at first sight.  It's like sunshine for my soul. 

This Manifesto..it's a life raft, a parachute, an AED. 

Its like......nitroglycerine.

Do you know how nitroglycerine works?

Absorbed rapidly, improving blood flow, stopping the heart ache, lowering the blood pressure,

halting the oxygen-deprived destruction before it's too late. 
Life.saving.

I read the manifesto…I couldn’t read it fast enough. 
I was reading like I had just finished a race and I was at the end, hunched over, hands on my knees, sweat pouring off my brow, my lungs sucking in oxygen, but instead of air, it was words, I was reading the words like I couldn’t get enough air, I couldn’t pull them in fast enough.
 {breathe damn it!!!}

{yes, this picture again, but guess what?  this is my blog and this is my tattoo and I love it}

These words from, The Manifeto - they just woke me up.

"And if, say you’re somewhat lonely—though not alone, somewhat sad—though not broken, and somewhat tired—though wide awake and restless, please stand up.
Take a deep breath. Clear your throat. Look your Self in the eyes. Place your hand over your beaten heart. And let’s declare our independence from the norm."


I am standing up. 
I'm standing up every time I open my eyes after I sleep. 

I'm standing up with every deliberate keystroke of my furious fingers.

I'm very much standing up every time I am down on my knees asking, begging, praying for comfort, for peace, for forgiveness, for understanding. 

I am standing up every.single.time. I tie my laces or put on my game face for my health.

Every tear, I'm standing up. 

Every deep breath and bead of sweat, be it hot yoga, a hike in the hills, or a spin around the dancefloor.

I sat in a chair on my birthday, but I was really standing up…

I had a message emblazoned on my arm for me and me alone. 

I know that I'll never stop standing up even if I need a reminder to keep breathing.

I know me.  I know that I am that woman who stands up. 

I was that girl that stood up to get where I am today.

Damn it, I am standing up like Norma Rea.

{source}

As I read, my mind said these things in response:

1. Curious…it's the definition of childhood, it's what we loose when we get "old".  I refuse.  I refuse to stop wondering. I refuse to stop wandering.  

2.  My heartache…I pray for him even with our words silent and gone -  the others I forgive too…my heart is too big, it beats too strong to shrivel up and turn black

3. I always wish on shooting stars. "Why not?" a friend used to call me that..not by my name but she referred to me as "Why not?, what shall we do today?"

4. My words, I know their worth, their comfort, their torment, their pricelesness

5. Have no regrets, even if saying "I love you" is not met with "..and I love you too"

I will not waste my heart on those who don't deserve it, but I will not be afraid to set my feelings free, to breathe life into them and let them live outside of my heart

6. yes, yes, and yes…I will be present in it all

7. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

8. I see this whole world in word and in pictures - I can create art from trash and treasures from scraps…

I was born with creativity in my veins.

9. "Your Word, it is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path." Pslam 119:105

10. I will stand behind and next to crazy, I will look back at it when it stares at me in the mirror

My brother…he RAN ACROSS THE UNITED STATES! 

Why?  "Why not?!"  He did.  I saw it with my own two eyes, the start line, the finish, the in-between…

he said "I am going to run across the US"  Then he did it. 

This time last year, he was at the end of it, making his dream his reality.

11.  This is what I leave you, this is what I leave behind, my pictures, my words, my feelings in prose, the lyrics to the soundtrack that is my life

{pin}

Aaahh, yes, it's crazy - but crazy makes my world go round. 

It's a mess. 

But (ah-ha! that's what it's all about), its my mess, and in the piles of clean laundry that never get in the drawers or on the hangers, in the stacks of dishes that are starting to get a little "fragrant", in the clutter that shifts side to side in my car as I turn corners racing from one event to the next, and in the constantly turning hamster wheel that is my brain, it is MY mess. 

It is MY beautifully messy mess. 

I just gave this piece of advice to my friend, moments after reading The Manifesto, my new creedo.

 Telling me that she was nervous for an art showing, so full of talent yet so full of self-doubt, I told her this:

Don't ever stop being nervous when you're sharing a part of you, what defines you, what makes your life your own...but be comfortable with nervous.

Expect nervous like it's a the one you love that still gives you butterflies everytime you see him or look into his eyes…the one who not only leaves you breathless but is the only one you can breathe easy with.

Treat it like the one that you want to write love letters to, the one whose arms you don’t want to leave, the one who your thoughts wander to throughout the day.

Be nervous to lose him, just don't wait until it's too late

and he's gone before you realize what you had.

 This is it.

This is my one {our} chance at this thing we call life. 

I believe in eternal life, but for this one on Earth, right now,

I gotta take it both hands on the wheel {and camera} and foot on the gas and goooo!!!

I will not have it any other way.

So call me crazy, but:

I. Am. Standing. Up.

Will you too? 

On this very Independence Day will you put one hand on your heart and raise the other?  

Will you Stand.UP with me?

Will you take the Unapologetic Declaration of Crazy with me?

I dare you.  I dare you to move.  I dare you to breathe.  I dare you to Stand UP.

 

Weekend recap: {nostalgia} Part I

Oh, Weekend,

I don't even know where to start with you.  You were so much needed, and while not incredibly far planned out, you came right on the heels of a heartbreak that I needed to get away from.  I may not have known that you were planned for me, but He sure did.

{pin}



What a great time to be surrounded by friends and family, old and new, food, sunshine, warmth, music,  beautiful nature, creativity, words, pictures {oh there are pictures} and ...a few compliments about me, observations people have made about me {from the outside looking in} that were great affirmations that I needed to hear.

Where to start?   Well from the begining of course.  It was nostalgic, it was an adventure, and like any good adventure, it is a small chronicle

{as my childhood friend would come to find out I am a chronicler of happenings, a keeper of memories, a documentarian with an itchy shutter finger and a head full of adjectives}. 

So we shall do this in parts. 



{above: circa 198?/below: Thursday}



Let's start with:



Part I

Thursday: 



I actually wrote about Thursday last week.  It was the beginning of this long adventure. 

you could read about it {here}

lunch with my dear, sweet relatives

shopping to feed the invisible army I imagine lives in my house

reuniting of long-time friends

family dinner read: comedy



{that's my sister, she came over to my house and made us dinner...awww}



a homecooked meal

and although my sister {fabulous cook and hottie that she is} refused to get in the picture(s) that I insisted on taking of her, I got her in my kitchen cooking us dinner!

dinner by candlelight on the back patio

late night stories with old friends

and, finally...4am





Friday:



Reunited with, Sleep, elusive, yet beautiful thing you...we meet again

{baked brie & honey}

a mid-afternoon lunch 

read: baked brie on the patio downtown in the sunshine

a little trip about town for the friend who hadn't been back in quite some time

shopping for what was supposed to be a flag pole for the 4th of July, but turned out to be a bar of dark chocolate, go figure

Magic Mike {need I say more?}



{Mike, we are waiting for the Magic!!}

Ross {as in Dress for Less, not the Friends character} - read: treasure hunt



{I love Ross Stores, it's a treasure hunt, but oh, the treasures I found, new dresses, some new shades, something nautical, something teal, something lacy, a painted bowl for the kitchen, a tisket, a tasket, a white & yellow basket ...}



went to work {let's pause here, yes, it happened, my friend came to visit me and then came to work with me for 2 hours.  Nothing happened, it was a boring little trip to the office, but just long enough of a breather to plot out our next adventure for the night}



which was nearly by accident as a friend told us about another friend who was singing at a local bar and so our next event was a town over in a seedy bar

{mmm...seedy bars, cheap drinks, and good friends, sign us up!]



{small towns, where he local police escort windmill sails over railroad tracks and down Main St at midnight}



As we strolled in to the bar {after wandering lost up & down the tiny postage stamp sized downtown area in just a town over} I was greeted unexpectedly by friends shouting my name "Lolo!!!" as we strolled through the open door.



{$4 total for a pint of Blue Moon & a vodka/cranberry?!   Say what?  Glenda said "at this price,we're sleeping in your car, these are the cheaptest drinks ever!!!}

We made the rounds and introduced her to him and him to her and her to her and, and, and...someone had already made an introduction saying about me,



"I just live through her, through her adventures, she's invovled in everything, just always on the go, lives every moment, has the best travels, the tattoos, sees the greatest things, I just follow her on Facebook everyday, this girl has the best life..." 

{insert look of wonder}

I do?

I just looked at her in a little bit of amazment, smiling, but bewildered:

"Really?  that's so sweet, but it's not all fun & games, it's a struggle lately, it's really not been easy for the last few weeks.  It's been hard to stay postive."

She just looked at me not understanding at all what I was saying.

{insert her look of wonder}

"I'm guess I am always going, but it's to keep busy.  I'm chronically single and currently heartbroken.  I guess I keep busy and keep going to fill up the extra time. I do, I have fun, but I watch you too.  I watch you with your kids and your hubby.  I watch you always making time to run and improve your times.  I guess I just do what I do cause that's what I have right now."

*shrugs*

...it made me think...

I know that I have really, really, great things and people in my life, I live in a place where I am free to be what I want to be, do what I want to do, and exist without fear.

While I'm am definitley not boasting about what what I have in excess and I am being constantly reminded to live in this day, not in the past, or the future, but still, hearing that from a friend of mine that she lives vicariously through me, well...damn. 

It was just an unexpected reality check. Not the first, not the last, but one that I need. 

This life has no guarantees. 

The people and opportunities placed in our lives are not by coincidence and while I believe in fate and karma, and yes, God's plan, but I think that we are responsible for making the best and most out of what we've been given.  We ARE given a choice. 

We still have to have courage and sometimes take a leap of faith.

Maybe that's why my camera is always out or I am always thinking of how to translate my days into words to share with someone else?

To share the things that I've been gifted with. 

The messages throughout, the once in a lifetime moments that I know I won't have again.

We didn't actually end up sleeping in my car, the drinks weren't that tempting, and In 'N Out was calling our names.  We headed home and stopped off in the drivethru.  As we sat there waiting for our food, and as I took a second glance in my rear-view mirror, my DAD sitting right behind us was looking at my license plate to confirm it was me ahead of him.

"Hey! That's my dad behind us!!"

(anyone knowing the struggle him & I have been through in the last year, would smile at my exuberant reaction)

I tried to jump out to say hi to him, but I was trapped in by being too close to the building.  Much to the amusment of the cashier, I couldn't squeeze my booty through the tiny opening my driver's side door left me. 

I did the next best thing: I paid for his meal and send my childhood friend out to go see him.

"Do you remember me?!"

"Of course I do, but I've been keeping up with you girls on Facebook, should you even be driving?"

Haaaa!!!  Yup, my dad, 72 years young is tracking me on Facebook. 

Oh nostaligia...

there's still Part II

xo ~ Lauren

{refinishing}

on the tail of my long weekend, as I stepped out of the shower and into my uniform for the long graveyard shift that awaited me, I had this thought:

I feel like an old piece of furniture right now

I have a great base, strong structure, I'm made of good, solid materials that will endure the test of time

but I feel like I'm in need of some TLC lately

someone to strip down all those layers of old lacquer and buff out the dings & dents collected over the years

someone with the care to make the grain shine again

refinishing

{and I know of Someone who was a carpenter}

I know a little bit about refinishing myself

in highschool, when I had no nagging to-do lists and to much time during the Summer,

I took on a couple of refinishing projects

I have a couple of those pieces in my house still

I know what it's like to brush on the layers of paint thinner

 to wait and then scrape off the layers of paint and gloss

to go into the cracks and details with small tools to remove all the gunk

to sand and buff, with the grain, maybe against it in some spots

to then to stand back after you clean it all up and see it for it's beauty, raw

but polish, polish just makes it shine a little bit better

it protects it from the elements

I'm no IKEA, I'm the piece you keep in the family

the one made with nails and not particle board pegs

the one that has a few stories in it's wear

the one that gets a by-line in the will

my "Structure" - I didn't forget it was there all this time, I just ignored it, pushed it away when it wasn't convenient, put it up in the rafters, tucked away out of sight out of mind

my heartache, he is made of some good materials too, he's got a lot of dents and dings, but funny thing is, even with the heartache that eventually came out of our relationship, he had no idea, probably doesn't still, but he was sanding me down in his own way

{pin}

funny thing, romantically, I told him that we'd be a good challenge for each other

that we'd be good pressure for each other

the kind of pressure that makes diamonds shine from the dust

he agreed

but, romantically, we never met on those grounds

 and now just lately I'm seeing it:

a complicated but consistent friendship, turned unrequited love, now a long, awkward silence, not sure if it will ever return again, but still laced with mutual respect and caring

= sandpaper

{ah-ha!}

he was never afraid to say Who he believed in,

that went against the grain of the others his age & in this day in our singledom

I noticed and that made me comfortable to talk about Him too

in talking about Him, Who is my Base and my Structure

I began talking directly to Him again

{out of the rafters, back into sight}

praying, I started praying again
praying daily
praying hard
praying with my whole heart


{these lyrics: ...I live here on my knees...
Something always brings me back to you}

 like any good paradox

when our friendship became my heartache

when my layers of shine got big cracks in it

  when the big dent in my structure felt like it was going to make me give way and start to teeter

having been reminded Who was in charge

by the very thing that had me feeling like crumbling,
I realized my strength

I remembered what I was made of

and now I pray for refinishing

my heartache isn't the only one sanding me into something new these days

I started really digging into this blogging thing in these last few weeks,

I've come across some other beautiful pieces of furniture.

 I read their stories, the words they're not afraid to share, the encouragment that they unapologetic-ally gave, I read between their lines, I pay attention to their details,  and I see the beauty of other well-made pieces, ones that are made of good materials, and will stand the test of time

these are the few that I have come across, just the few so far
{I'm sure that there are so many more that I'll come across soon}
 not to be gritty or adverse, but they, and probably without knowing and just by being their own proud, strong, and faithful selves, these ladies, by their testimony, have polished me as well:

 My favorite verse over the last couple of months, the one that applies making diamonds from dust:  

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

As is any good process, there is more work to be done,

but this piece {me} is here to stay and here to shine. 

xo ~ Lauren