it's just {stuff}

It's all just stuff. I found myself having a pity party this weekend. Listening to my dog's look-at-me-Ma barks and my footsteps echo of the walls in the empty room. Looking around wondering how I accumulated all the stuff that fills up my house. My house. Wondering why it matters that I continue to work to maintain a house that I keep just for me. Trying to figure out what to do next and how I get to my Dreamland that seems so far away. And then Oklahoma happens and I see it all in it's turbulence, strewn all around in heaps and unrecognizable piles on the street, places that used to be homes and havents. And then I realize that it's all just stuff. A bunch of stuff. And it's not that important. It really isn't. So the people and the relationships...yeah those: That's what's going to get me to my Dreamland.  A harsh reminder that we're all we've got and we're in this together.   God be with Oklahoma.  

every day is a {new} blank page

My last day of work in this long work week.

A venti latte with an extra shot.

A mind full of ideas.

A heart full of desires.

Feeling nostalgic yet resolute,

void of deadlines or numbers,

with my pen to the paper and no chances to second guess

I made a list.

Be good to my body.

Be kind to my heart.

Pray (daily)

Write (often & honestly)

Smile (more)

Create (beauty)

Be thankful

&

Remember that every day is a new blank page in the story that is my life.

Each new page cannot exist without the one before it.

to me

to you

to a new year

coffee date: {grateful}

It's been a while since I've linked up with  Alissa @ Rags to Stiches for a coffee date,  but I'm totally in a fall coffee kind of mood and I want to share today. Over a venti Pumpkin Spice Latte  (my favorite coffee ever! oh my be still my beating heart!!!) I'd tell you: 
I did the math last night and realized that I am working a 70-hour work week this week.   It's kind of a hazy blur, and yeah it's a lot of crazy hours, but I'm managing OK.
It'll make my weekend that much sweeter when it finally gets here.
I'd tell you that in what down time I had this week:
I've caught up with old friends in email and text,  checked a few things off my to-do list (like renting a textbook for my new major in Business Marketing:  back to school after 10 years of this full time+ career and I'm excited!) read some great new blogs, made myself a blog button,  and finally caught up on my She Reads Truth Proverbs Daily. 

I'd share that today was Proverbs 27 and verse17 has been finding me all yearlong.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  
A constant reminder that the people who are falling in & out of my life  in person & here in the blogger world are all there for a purpose. I'm starting to see how some of the dots of sadness and disappointment are connecting  into a bigger picture kind of woven story that's all my own.

I'd tell you that despite these long days:  I had a great dinner with my friends Carrie, Jacob, and their baby Olivia.  I woke up to a picture of cute baby Owen the other day.  The clouds and sky all this week have captivated me. I made it to the gym to run twice early in the AM after my shift. I saw my childhood friend who was having her first kind of great day after the last couple of months of chemo/radiation. I spent time with my Uncle.  Time with him will be gone sooner rather than later.  It's bittersweet.  We have peace in knowing he'll go to a better place, but we will miss him.  Our law enforcement community lost another patrol officer due to a senseless gunman.  It is happening to often and a loss of one is a loss to us all.  It makes my heart heavy. I held back tears when a friend told me nonchalantly that she prays for me everyday.  I didn't hold back tears when another friend thanked me for loving her and her family unconditionally and that a quick email to check in on her early at 5am was a major comfort to her when she really needed it.  Timing. My other lesson this year.
Finally, I'd tell you that this has been a busy week but when I sat down to write this coffee blog,  I realized how grateful I really am and should be. 
I have a good, reliable job, a house of my own to live in,  precious friends & family that love me, and I have a lot of: goals, ambition, dreams, and opportunities that have yet to come to light. 
I hope you all have had a great week and good weekend that is still yet to come.  <3

{Dear} Friday v.4

Dear Friday, well hello there.  I thought you might never get here, but you never fail me. You see I have finally resigned myself to your late hour, having made it through the day and the week.  Dear Red Wine, yes you, I like your sassy bottle curves and your sneaky little smile.  Mmmm...  

Dear Billy Currington (double mmmm...), if you could only see me spinning around this big candlelit room with a glass in my hand, well, that voice of yours is always doing something right.   Dear Sore Body, yeah, you.  You keep wanting to give up on me one muscle a a time, but surely and slowly we're getting it back.  No, no.  No more giving up and giving in.  We're both in this for the long haul.  I have to live somewhere, and it's not longer going to be a lazy garbage dump.   Dear Lynn, Jill, Ashley, Gail, and Michelle, thanks for the nods, the emails, the kudos, and the encouragement this week. Dear Aunt Liz & Uncle Tom, thank you for the invite.  Tomorrow's Cal v. Nevada College Football game is going to be quite amazing.  Somehow I have managed to make it to 31 never having been to a live College Football Game.  I think it's high time to do some jumping, shouting, and screaming!!   Dear Summer, I am sad to see you go.  I feel like we were just getting comfy together.  I can't believe you're gone again.  Like another lost love...*sigh*, but I have hope you'll be back some day.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.  You know how much I love you even if I sometimes complain about how uncomfortable you make me. Dear Family, we knew it was coming, let's make the best of our time with our blessed, sweet Uncle Mickey.  3-6 months isn't a long time, but it's an invitation to make the most if it and so many people don't get that at all.  Don't be afraid.  There's nothing to fear.  It's just going to hurt for a while.  Don't let it disable you from spending the few good days and moments we have left with him.   Dear Louise, you didn't get a warning.  No one should ever outlive their children.  I can't think of the words to say to you to help be a comfort, other than you have my thoughts and my prayers.  Dear readers, whoever you are.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Whether it's the actual words, a kind gesture, a moment of time our of your day dedicated to thinking of them and simply saying that they're on your mind.  Do it.  Do it now, do it consistently, do it sincerely   


Hoping everyone has a great weekend! XO, 

Dear {Friday} v.2

Dear Friday, 
Today is the day we shall affectionately call "The Day I saved myself from myself", today is the day I put the to-do list on hold, go to the beach, chill out in the sand, take some deep sea-side breaths, let it all go for a few hours, and just enjoy doing nothing.  Dear Mellissa, thanks for being my beach date today, it's gonna be great!! Dear Tylenol PM, I love you, you did me right last night. Dear body, you got a break this week, no training, but next week, oh yes, next week, no mercy.  None.  It's time to get back in the game.  Dear new followers, thanks for stopping by from the GFC Blog Hop this week, I tried to respond back to all of you, but I might have missed a couple.  Dear Melissa, thanks for being a great host yet again. Dear Amy, you are worth every cent and then some - coming home to a clean house is one of the best feelings in the world.  Dear Brother, thanks for coming over and fixing up the few things you did around the house even thought everything you touched cause something else to break, shatter, or fall, I think I still ended up ahead of the game. Dear Politics, we're gonna box this year, and it's gonna get messy. Dear Zac Brown Band, I LOVE your new CD, and that's pretty much it.  Love it. Will you marry me?   Dear Big & Rich, I don't make it to watching music videos much these days, but this video and this song, well, I've always loved your sound and this one is just another one of my favorites. Dear Sky, you continue to amaze me and take my breath away. Dear heart, yes, that beating, feeling thing in my chest you, you're quite a muscle, huh?  The things that make you beat, the things you can and can't let go, the things that you endure through and come out better for, well, sometimes I don't know how you do it, but you do and you continue to surprise me. Faith.Hope.Love. 
"...I'm only one person, but I can feel it working, that's why I pray... I believe in better days."
Happy, happy Friday to you all,  <3

{Grace}

So last month,
after seeing an ad pop up in sidebars all over this little Blogsphere, 

I joined in on She Reads Truth's Prayer Plan.

Technology has made it so that none of us have any excuses anymore.
There's no excuse to not devote a few moments to meditation, Scripture reading, fitness tracking,
heck, you can even control your thermostat and DVR from your phone.

 If you go to their site you can get the gist of what the plan is and how it works,
but basically, I couldn't tell you where my Bible is these days.

I can't even tell you what color the cover is anymore,
so having a daily devotional delivered to my phone,
and then, in the evening, a reminder sent to me,
well it's the iPhone spiritual version of my gym trainer.

It won't let me get away with not showing up.

{I set the reminder for every day at 8:15pm}

No excuses.  See that.  None of that.

Growing up, this was not the case.
 Sunday Church services were morning and evening, Sunday School was on the regular,
Youth Group was mid week, and I went to the Christian School at the Church 5.days.a.week.

You better believe I couldn't have lost my Bible if I tried.
I tried.
I know I did at least a couple of times.

As if my parents didn't just look at me and say,
 "Oh you lost your Bible again, huh?
Good thing we're going to church where they have them in bulk.
Get in the car."

Mom & Dad, despite the arguments that increased into my teenage years, did right by us kids.

Even forced to go to church some days, I was given a great foundation,
an understanding, a moral compass that has gone off-kilter now and then
but has never been broken.

{one of many of my tattoos, this one I got in Austin, TX at midnight,
 a compass rose,
for my love of travel and my own reminder that no matter where I am,
where I go, where I end up,
I always know which way is Up & that I can always find my way Home.}

I have a Faith that I am not ashamed to speak about, but in this politically correct charged world we live in,
and maybe by the demographic of the West Coast that I live on,
it's not always an easy or comfortable topic to breech.
Nonsense.
I know, I know.

{a sign I kept passing by this week outside one of our churches, I liked what it said - common sense, Bible sense, just good advice.  Don't waste the days looking forward or behind,
live in this day today and have some faith that it's all working out the way it's supposed to.
A message that's been on repeat for me in the last few months.}

In my adult life, I've chosen my own way, shape, and form of expression my religion, my spirituality, and my Faith.  I'm don't "attend" church every Sunday, but I do on occasion.

Lightening has yet to strike me, my tattoos, my piercings or my multi-colored hair.

Dogma.  Yeah, I went to some of those churches where they preached that the outward appearance was more important and judged more frequently than the inward workings of what was being delivered from the pulpit.  

Back to last month, it was just 21 days of reading a verse in the Bible about prayer.

Some days I journaled about it, some days I just read it.

Some days, I didn't understand anything about it.

Honest.

I just did not get it and there's nothing wrong with that either.

What I did do, and what I had been doing before I picked up on the Prayer Plan, was praying. Hard.
On my own, on my knees, in my car, at work, in the shower, driving, before I went to sleep at night, when I woke up.  A series of life's events, struggles, lessons, they all brought me back to that foundation that I was raised with when I was a kid.

It was not for anyone else to see or hear, and I don't mind sharing this with you now,
but it was simply my daily or nightly conversation with God.
 I just talked to Him, no pomp, no circumstance, I just talked.
As it should be and because I've decided that: 

Prayer is like true love.

You cannot give it expecting anything in return.

It cannot be selfish and it cannot be for show.

You have to believe in it, you have to know it deep down, you have to trust in it.

{a framing that I just hung up this weekend on newly painted walls,
perfect timing, great reminder, so glad that I finally got it hung!}

As for the Grace Plan:

I'm excited to see where this one goes.

It's a Chapter of Proverbs a day.

That's at least 10-30 minutes of reading a day, right? At least that's how I figure.

10-30 minutes of "devotional", quiet time, and calm...
'cause if I'm getting all riled up reading the Bible, well, Lord help me,
I might need some professional help after all!

Grace def: elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action

It's not a word that has been wasted on me.
I can't say that I'm particularly graceful in words or in actions.  

I curse, I yell at people who cut me off, I can't stand stupid people.

I'm not incredibly patient and I say things I'm probably shouldn't. 

Listen, I'm human, I'm fallible, I'm no one's to judge but God's and I'm working on it. 

Aren't we all?

I know there's some other ladies also following along on this plan, and they're probably linked up over at Melissa's GFC Blog Hop too, so I'm linking up this morning and sharing this post with y'all.

Gracefully yours,

~ Lauren

{overload}

I'm going to try and keep this as simple as I can. 

Wish me luck.

I'm usually pretty positive here in this blog about my life full of "hopes, dreams, and dresses", and yes, I do try and make adventures out of my weekends whenever I can if for nothing but nostalgia's sake

...but...

I'm not that cut and dry. 

(and if you know me at all, you know that I am anything but simple)

It's not all Instagrammy goodness and chevron striped dresses.

{abeautifulmessinside.com}

I'm tired. {graveyard shift work is not friendly}

I'm on overload. {mostly self imposed a because "no" isn't in my vocabulary as much as it should be}

I don't feel particularly enlightened lately. {but I don't feel like completely giving up either}

What's gnawing at me?

Well a few things...

 I'm the queen of multi-tasking but even I get overwhelmed from time to time. 

First off...

I am not new to blogging or writing at all, but it was always just a solo-singularity catharsis for me.

The social circus that come along with this new round of blogging has proved to be a bit daunting for me - both for being new to it and trying to jump in with both feet.

Before I get ahead of myself, by circus, I don't mean that with one bit of insult. 

 Heck the circus is pretty damn entertaining, but imagine being a kid there for the first time not knowing what to expect...lions roaring, clowns, dancing bears, acrobats, majestic elephants, dancing ponies, cotton candy and bags full of popcorn. 

Sensory.Overload.

If you're in the Blogger world, you should totally get what I'm talking about.

There's so much incredible content out there, so many bloggers doing amazing things, 

so many niches, photography, DIY, how-to, link ups, coffee dates, Wordless Wednesdays, Meatless Mondays, Thoughtful Thursdays, Instagram Fridays. 

 I look at all these incredible blogs and I don't get green with envy,

but I get a little bit yellow with wonder. 

 How do you do it all?  How do you ladies (and gentlemen) manage to work, take care of your families, your spouses, your charities, your hobbies, go to church, exercise, run marathons, bake cookies, and write about it nearly every day. 

How do you, how do you...???


The bills...
because they're totally piled up, I'm just trying to keep afloat, and as much as I love (can I say LOVE) having my space all to myself and now that "my place" so much more of a reflection of me than it ever has been before, I think I'm going to have to take on a roommate to get things straightened out for awhile.

My heart is...
well, I'm not gonna keep going all Taylor Swift with that thing
 1) that's just not me and 2)  I've {mostly} resolved that I am not the keeper of my destiny, there's a plan out there, and like Steve Job's says, you cannot see the dots connecting in the future, only when you look back, but you have to believe in it, in the plan, in whatever you choose to call it.
 I call it my Faith in God.

In the meantime, I do what I can do.
I set new boundaries.
&

I pray. 

{this is a force of calm in my chaotic everyday}

My body is tired exhausted.
I put myself on blast last week about my lack of fitness goals and regimen, and while I've had the most amazing support from my friends, my body is in that initial shock phase where all my muscles and joints are doing the collective WTF?! every time I move or lift something heavier than Styrofoam cup. 

I'll get over it, muscle memory is an impressive thing, and I'm actually craving a workout now, but I'm safely tucked away at work and at 6am when I get off, sleep will come knocking again before the gym does.
I'll get there soon enough.  I'm on a mission now, it's not just a pit stop.

{one of my favorite new finds, abeautifulmessinside.com
if not for the name alone, I found her recently and love  her site and her daily Facebook pick me ups.}  

I'm not looking for sympathy, so please save that for someone else who actually might really need it.

I'm just venting. 

I'm just trying to leave it all on the proverbial floor here on this blog. 

 Like in yoga studio, where I find I think so clearly, not just on the surface, but down in the depths of the what's bothering me.  

The heart of the problem. 

I think & I stretch & I sweat.

{from abeautifulmessinside.com}

I find that I keep seeing the same messages coming at me just a word or two at at time.
So, I am going to type them out right here and right now.

Because just like my fitness confession, breathing life into these simple words here for my little part of the world to see, well, it places them on a platform.  

Exposes them to the light of understanding. 

It gives them life.

Simplify. 

Be still.

Sleep.

Rest.

Let it be.

{just breathe}

~ Lauren 

a {beacon} in a storm

If you know me on Facebook, you've probably already seen this. 

I don't keep up with TV much these days, so other than the headlines that I see when I am online, I haven't been immersed in the nonstop news coverage lately. However, I want to share this audio clip of the radio traffic from the horrific Aurora, CO shooting last week.  Ironically, I sat in a movie theatre for nearly three hours on Wednesday morning, a sneak preview before the sneak preview for our local law enforcment community.  I sat there in the dark with a dozen armed off-duty officers while we watched a movie about a masked man who was a misunderstood hero who refused to give up. 

A quote from the movie "A hero can be anyone."

Listen to (this) at your discretion.  I have been a 911 operator and Police & Fire Dispatcher for 10 years, a police cadet and intern for 5 years prior to that.  Fifteen years of "exposure" and this audio was very stressful for me to listen to.  Ten years of taking a gamut of calls and being on the other end of pursuits, fires, shots fired, and fights by no means makes me immune to any of the emotion that comes along with witnessing, in audio or in text, the absolute terror of what happened in that theatre and in the very long minutes afterwards.  My thoughts:

I have so much to say about this...not sure where to start...this is all of us, could be any of us, any dispatcher, any cop, any paramedic, anyone who handles this kind of chaos on a regular basis...it's all of our nightmares...that was my first thought when I heard about it, how the rescuers handled it? How did they possibly do it? For us in dispatch, its not just about saving citizens and the innocent, it's listening to it all go to absolute shit in the background and not being able to throw enough resources at at a situation fast enough, listening to the body count stack up, not knowing if all the suspects are accounted for, and always doing all we can to keep all of our responders safe...it is nothing but fight or flight, the collective holding of our breath, but moving as quickly as you can. It's counting down the seconds, the minutes, knowing how quickly the loss of life is permanent if you don't get EMS to a dying patient. This is what I do, this is what so many of you reading this do, but it doesn't make it any easier to listen to. I hear the stress and the anxiety from the officers, and yes, the horror of finding a child shot in a theater full of other bodies. I hear them asking and asking and asking for more help, I hear their voices quicken, and the pleading in their words as they watch people bleed and suffer.  This dispatcher did an amazing job, I don't doubt for a second that she had incredible backup in her dispatch center with her.  She was a beacon in a storm...a constant reassurance, the voice that said "I heard you, we're sending more, you're not alone".  This is the recorded section of one very tragic, disastrous event that has the world's attention now, but this is the taste of the worst case scenario we are all trained to handle. For all those who responded to this tragedy in Colorado, may God be with you...job well done, may you never have to face anything like this again. For the families of the victims, I can only listen and watch from here and pray for you. We cannot keep senseless acts like this from happening, there will always be madmen, but there will always be the good guys, the officers, the firefighters, the dispatchers that will come along and fight the good fight, run towards the danger, and be willing to lay down their lives for another. 

{pin}

I've been participating in SheReadsTruth and the Daily Prayer Devotional - Day #8 was this verse which I read and journaled about just the other night, just before I started seeing the early morning headlines:

Timothy 2:1-2 I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— ² for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

My personal prayer after reading that verse: God, grant the wisdom & discernment to those who lead this Nation.  Guide them, protect them, honor their sacrifice.  Let them serve you & protect us and our rights to believe, speak, and preach your name freely.  God, Bless America.


One constant I was taught as a child was to respect authority, even not so much as the man and politically my father was very vocal about who he thought should hold office, but we were always taught to honor the postion of authority that is how we learned to pray.  Now I extend this prayer beyond our just our leaders and decision makers and make it for all of the dispatchers, law enforcement officers, firefighters, paramedics, EMTs, and our Military servicemen and woman who keep us safe every single day and every single night.   I thank you, I stand next to you proudly, I honor your sacrifice.  I know that no amount of gun-control or counter-intelligence will keep all the madmen at bay.  Always and never simply do not exist in this world, but that will not keep us from fighting the good fight and continuing to sacrifice ourselves, in part and in whole, to keep others safe. 

For all the responders from last Friday morning's tragedy, mostly nameless and faceless to those of us watching from afar, but unknown and unseen, you each rose above and beyond, unwavering.  A hero that day was not just anyone, it was everyone.  It was everyone of you who gave their all and will continue to bear the emotional brunt of what you saw and heard.  Be proud, stand tall, and know that you did everything you could have done despite the circumstances.  Peace may not come easily or consistenly over the next days, weeks, and months, but I pray that it will come eventually for each and everyone of you.

{refinishing}

on the tail of my long weekend, as I stepped out of the shower and into my uniform for the long graveyard shift that awaited me, I had this thought:

I feel like an old piece of furniture right now

I have a great base, strong structure, I'm made of good, solid materials that will endure the test of time

but I feel like I'm in need of some TLC lately

someone to strip down all those layers of old lacquer and buff out the dings & dents collected over the years

someone with the care to make the grain shine again

refinishing

{and I know of Someone who was a carpenter}

I know a little bit about refinishing myself

in highschool, when I had no nagging to-do lists and to much time during the Summer,

I took on a couple of refinishing projects

I have a couple of those pieces in my house still

I know what it's like to brush on the layers of paint thinner

 to wait and then scrape off the layers of paint and gloss

to go into the cracks and details with small tools to remove all the gunk

to sand and buff, with the grain, maybe against it in some spots

to then to stand back after you clean it all up and see it for it's beauty, raw

but polish, polish just makes it shine a little bit better

it protects it from the elements

I'm no IKEA, I'm the piece you keep in the family

the one made with nails and not particle board pegs

the one that has a few stories in it's wear

the one that gets a by-line in the will

my "Structure" - I didn't forget it was there all this time, I just ignored it, pushed it away when it wasn't convenient, put it up in the rafters, tucked away out of sight out of mind

my heartache, he is made of some good materials too, he's got a lot of dents and dings, but funny thing is, even with the heartache that eventually came out of our relationship, he had no idea, probably doesn't still, but he was sanding me down in his own way

{pin}

funny thing, romantically, I told him that we'd be a good challenge for each other

that we'd be good pressure for each other

the kind of pressure that makes diamonds shine from the dust

he agreed

but, romantically, we never met on those grounds

 and now just lately I'm seeing it:

a complicated but consistent friendship, turned unrequited love, now a long, awkward silence, not sure if it will ever return again, but still laced with mutual respect and caring

= sandpaper

{ah-ha!}

he was never afraid to say Who he believed in,

that went against the grain of the others his age & in this day in our singledom

I noticed and that made me comfortable to talk about Him too

in talking about Him, Who is my Base and my Structure

I began talking directly to Him again

{out of the rafters, back into sight}

praying, I started praying again
praying daily
praying hard
praying with my whole heart


{these lyrics: ...I live here on my knees...
Something always brings me back to you}

 like any good paradox

when our friendship became my heartache

when my layers of shine got big cracks in it

  when the big dent in my structure felt like it was going to make me give way and start to teeter

having been reminded Who was in charge

by the very thing that had me feeling like crumbling,
I realized my strength

I remembered what I was made of

and now I pray for refinishing

my heartache isn't the only one sanding me into something new these days

I started really digging into this blogging thing in these last few weeks,

I've come across some other beautiful pieces of furniture.

 I read their stories, the words they're not afraid to share, the encouragment that they unapologetic-ally gave, I read between their lines, I pay attention to their details,  and I see the beauty of other well-made pieces, ones that are made of good materials, and will stand the test of time

these are the few that I have come across, just the few so far
{I'm sure that there are so many more that I'll come across soon}
 not to be gritty or adverse, but they, and probably without knowing and just by being their own proud, strong, and faithful selves, these ladies, by their testimony, have polished me as well:

 My favorite verse over the last couple of months, the one that applies making diamonds from dust:  

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

As is any good process, there is more work to be done,

but this piece {me} is here to stay and here to shine. 

xo ~ Lauren

Coffee date: {overtime}

If we had coffee this week, you'd probably comment on the bags under my eyes.

You'd tell me that I had better get some sleep.

I'd say, "What, my new Bare Essentuals tinted moisturizer isn't hiding them?!"

Then you'd laugh at me 'cause I'm totally punchdrunk and completly goofy and I'd be hanging off the chair laughing at myself. 

The people at Starbucks would just stare at our table. 

I'd make a face at them and we'd continue.

I'd tell you that in the last 72 hours, I've worked 5 partial shifts, which is 24 hours of overtime, not counting the regular 12 hour graveyard shift I'm working now. 

I would tell you that I've done this before, so it's not new to me, but I'm older than I used to be and it's harder than it ever was before.

I've been under this headset for 10 years now at all hours of the day and night. 

10 years of shiftwork....makin' a girl feel haggard!

(someone called me a "salty old veteran"...I can't lie, it's a compliment)

You'd probably just shake your head at me when I said, I haven't slept more than 12 horus in the last 3 days, but  I RAN/walked a 5K last night and then did 90 minutes of hot yoga this morning. 

Some combination of sleep deprivation and inner turmoil made me get out and move my body.

At our coffee date, I'd tell you I don't know if I'm coming or going, but I sure am taking a LOT of  pictures and writing about it!

I'd tell you that I think I'm crazy for starting two new blogs even thought my personal and profession to-do list is a MILE long and not getting shorter!

I'd tell you that, by accident, I stumbled across an online travel writer's course that I think I can't wait to enroll in, yeah, add that to the list too!

I'd ramble something about how my highlights are getting lighter, my hair is longer, my tan tanner, and then I'd show you about 87 Pinterest pictures of new tattoos that I want - because I have the ink itch in a bad, bad way these days.  It.is.terrible!!!

I'd also tell you that I finally got around to reading some of the coffee posts from last week and I'm so glad I have.  It feels good to know that I'm not alone in my introspective bubble.  I'm fiding some blogs and some ladies here that remind me that I am not the only one who struggles every day & who needs inspiration.

I'd tell you that I find comfort in their stories and their words.

I'd tell you that crazy as it was this weekend, I needed to be at work and not at home or where my mind could wander and make me anxious for things I cannot change or control.

I'd tell you that I pray every day, moreso now these days than ever.

I wouldn't tell you exactly what I pray but that the words that come more often than not are: wisdom, courage, peace, trust, and to be anxious for nothing.

I pray for the one that still causes me some heartache. 
I pray that he has discerment and courage and that he remembers he can pray for himself too.

I pray that I can go back to being "just" a best friend again and that I remember that God does not bring people into your life by accident.

Finally...

I'd tell you that Adele writes award winning albums about heartache.  I write blogs. 

I'd tell you that my doppelganger, Kelly Clarkson, is siging this "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" song just for me this week!!!

I am sleep deprived, I am a bit rambly, but I am certianly stronger than I was last week. 

I hope you are all a little bit stronger too!

Thanks to Alissa @ RagtoStitches for the coffee date invite. 

I look foward to reading about everyone else's weeks too.

xo ~ Lauren