I'll.{be}.there.for.you.

I have decided on a new bucket item list. 
I want to be serenaded with emphasis. I don't know when or where,  but my life will not be complete  until I am the spotlight center of such an act.
1) without reservation 2) both shame and pride checked at the door
I want to be wooed in song  melodically, audibly intoxicated with lyrics {performer's blood alcohol content will not be questioned}
and I want it to be......an epic ballad not just some run-of-the-mill love song No. if it doesn't have the potential for vocal strain  and possible hamstring pulling theatrical song animation = no I'm talking about hair band style singing that makes you sweat  air guitar theatrics raspy-throat-the-next-day-performing Adam Sandler Wedding Singer-esque John-Cusack-style hold the speaker box of love up to the window sanging!!!!
let's start with: 

wait for it, wait for it...

roll your windows up  beat the steering wheel like it's a drum set pound.it.out and saaaaang!

guitar smashing mic stand tossing build to a crashing crescendo drum beat  kick the wind kind of song  shake the sweat out yo hair ball your fists up and battle back the emotions
THIS is my MacDaddy of favorite love ballads oh, Richie... oh, Jon...
fist pump chest bump heart thump 
sing it to me baby and put your back into it!!
"I'll be there for you! These five words I swear to you! When you breath, I wanna be the air for you! I'll. Be. There. For. You. whooooooooooooooooooa oooooooooooooooooa oooa whooooooooooooa oooooooo oooooo  oooooooooooooooooo"
when I find my Mister, I'll make sure he knows about this this may be part of a future nuptial agreement this kind of performance at least once a year for all the years were together... cause who can split apart when you have an epic love ballad karaoke promise?
no one. that's who.
<3

{Dear} Friday v.4

Dear Friday, well hello there.  I thought you might never get here, but you never fail me. You see I have finally resigned myself to your late hour, having made it through the day and the week.  Dear Red Wine, yes you, I like your sassy bottle curves and your sneaky little smile.  Mmmm...  

Dear Billy Currington (double mmmm...), if you could only see me spinning around this big candlelit room with a glass in my hand, well, that voice of yours is always doing something right.   Dear Sore Body, yeah, you.  You keep wanting to give up on me one muscle a a time, but surely and slowly we're getting it back.  No, no.  No more giving up and giving in.  We're both in this for the long haul.  I have to live somewhere, and it's not longer going to be a lazy garbage dump.   Dear Lynn, Jill, Ashley, Gail, and Michelle, thanks for the nods, the emails, the kudos, and the encouragement this week. Dear Aunt Liz & Uncle Tom, thank you for the invite.  Tomorrow's Cal v. Nevada College Football game is going to be quite amazing.  Somehow I have managed to make it to 31 never having been to a live College Football Game.  I think it's high time to do some jumping, shouting, and screaming!!   Dear Summer, I am sad to see you go.  I feel like we were just getting comfy together.  I can't believe you're gone again.  Like another lost love...*sigh*, but I have hope you'll be back some day.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.  You know how much I love you even if I sometimes complain about how uncomfortable you make me. Dear Family, we knew it was coming, let's make the best of our time with our blessed, sweet Uncle Mickey.  3-6 months isn't a long time, but it's an invitation to make the most if it and so many people don't get that at all.  Don't be afraid.  There's nothing to fear.  It's just going to hurt for a while.  Don't let it disable you from spending the few good days and moments we have left with him.   Dear Louise, you didn't get a warning.  No one should ever outlive their children.  I can't think of the words to say to you to help be a comfort, other than you have my thoughts and my prayers.  Dear readers, whoever you are.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Whether it's the actual words, a kind gesture, a moment of time our of your day dedicated to thinking of them and simply saying that they're on your mind.  Do it.  Do it now, do it consistently, do it sincerely   


Hoping everyone has a great weekend! XO, 

{8} Fears

I'm running late today on this weekly entry so I'm gonna just lay it out there  and try not think too hard about these. 
I'm just gonna type until my fingers are done ...cause right now, tonight,  I think my heart and my head have some things to say. A lot of things.
Lauren & Tiffany, you asked, here you go:

  First off, I wouldn't say that I'm a really fearful person.  I'd say I'm kind of brave. I do a lot of stuff on my own.   I don't think it's a broken sense of security.
Quite opposite, in fact, I am pretty aware of my surroundings - more than most I'd say  I think that's by being the oldest, by being independent from an early age,  and by being in law enforcement for so many years.
I was raised in a family and by parents who had a strong faith in God and so do I.  I have a solid foundation that doesn't forsake me even when I ignore it. (Say it with an accent now) I am a God fearin' woman.  Yes, indeed I am.  I saw this today and thought it was perfect for this week's 10 Day You Challenge

 {via Facebook}
I know who I am, I'm not afraid of making mistakes,  I'm not afraid of learning things the hard way. I'm learning a lot about myself lately.

This next picture is a few years old.  

A good friend of mine, who knows me well, put this on my locker at work one day. 

I read it and remember distinctly recognizing for maybe one of the first times in my short life that 

the way I carried myself, the things I did and stood for, they were noticed. 

I remember distinctly being proud that someone would think this of me. 

I remember not wanting to lose that label of fearless.

This is one of the best compliments I've ever received.

I haven't read any of the other girl's lists in the link up yet today.   I didn't on purpose.   I didn't want their lists to influence mine. I wanted to really think about this. 
So here's my list of {fears}: 
1) Sharks Seriously, do I even have to explain this one?  Shark Week people.   'Nuff said. (but, guess what? a shark cage dive is on my bucket list. I will confront this fear. Someday.)
which leads me to...
2) large bodies of water they're beautiful, but it makes me get all panicky and nervous knowing that  I can't see or feel or know what is lurking, and swimming, and slinking about at the bottom. Nuh-uh, not gonna dew it.   Nope. NO. Negative.
also...I fear them because I don't want to 
3) Drown(ing) also...do I have to explain this one?  *shudder* *cough* *sputter*
4) Intruders I live alone. I don't like the things that go bump in the night. There's only so much a girl can do armed with a big dog and a cell phone.  I think it's worse cause I know first hand the intruder stories.  Meh.  Not cool at all.  I've been thinking about my 2nd Amendment Rights a lot lately. 
5) Heights - that is a fear that seems to increase with my age for some reason.   I don't like glass bottom elevators, I don't like looking over multi story balconies.  I get sweaty palms and my heart races and I want to go pee pee in my pants.
6) Spiders...to an extent, seeing them I'm ok... having them crawl on or around me, no, no, NO.
{story time} I had spider crawl up my dress once...I was sitting on the ground.  In about 1/2 nanosecond, I was up, I was screaming shrieking, I threw a pillow and I jumped up and down like I was a 3 year old in a bouncy house. I have a witness, he'll tell you it was true, but what he won't tell you and didn't tell me for like a year, is that he's afraid of spiders too. Ah-ha!!!!   Chicken.   Ok, so can we get real for a second.  Like really, real? 
  7) and we shall label this <3? I fear I will never be in love again. Like puppy dog kind of, head over heels, mutual (key word),  in love with your best friend kind of love.  Yeah.  It seems like a ghost or a dream or a fable. 
and last, but most definitely not least
8) Settling I fear that I'll settle and the thought of that damn near makes me ill. Like physically sick.  I see it all the time.  Personally, professionally...it's an epidemic.
I don't wanna settle for good not great ~ Brad Paisley
This isn't me being judgmental, this is me standing in the midst of this shit storm we call society's take on commitment and relationships and screaming at the top of my lungs but feeling like no one is hearing me.
So... it's funny or acceptable to see people cheat, lie, and degrade each other? It's ok to see people lie to themselves and not intervene? Stop the train wreck. I mean there's whole talk shows and "reality" shows that have that as the main story line. Marriage is, what? A trend? A phase?

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

I guess it's a double edged sword, swing too far to cautious  and  you risk never taking a chance on anyone and missing out on...your destiny?  Eh.  Swing too far the other way and you're in love every 5 seconds and it's cry wolf. 
Listen, I've been there,  on the other end of the phone listening to the stories scratching my head wondering what it is about love that makes people lose all sense of self and logic, then again in the bridesmaid's dress fully supportive on the outside while inside saying "noooo, don't do it!", and then finally with a shoulder to lean on and a spare bedroom to offer when it all comes tumbling down. 
Don't call me and expert by any means,  but more often than not, the writing is always on the wall.   They say when you know, you know.   And well, if you're just still standing there guessing cause you think it's better than nothing, or it's comfortable, or it's been long enough so it's do or die...even when there's that nagging voice of doubt, well listen to it and don't.   Don't do it.  Don't settle.  Please.  Save you, save me, save us all.  For the love of...LoVe.  *sigh* I read } this { recently and I really appreciated it.  
From a woman who lived and loved in a generation that made something of what they had, this is some tried and true expertise.  I don't know Grandma Carol, but I like her.  Honorable mentions: 
There's a couple of things that came to mind that I realized  don't frighten me and I wanted to mention them. This is not a judgement on anyone else,  this is just my life's opinion as I've experienced it thus far. 
I'm in no way looking forward  or hoping either  of these to happen, but  if/when they might, I don't fear these and here's why: 
Losing loved ones - not because I don't love them dearly, but because I know that I tell them and show them on a regular basis.  I make the time.  I know it's precious. I have an aging family, this is a reality for me every day.  I have embraced it.   I can't be selfish enough to think that I can close my eyes and ignore it.
I am learning, damn near every day, to try again, to give second and third chances, to apologize, to make amends,  and to tell people that I value them and want and need  them in my life. I'm also learning when it's time to give up, give in, and let things go.  That lesson is just as hard as swallowing my pride and mending fences.

Source: s-kinnyl-ove.tumblr.com via M on Pinterest

Having a child with a serious or fatal illness - some of the strongest people I know have had children who have fought and won and unfortunately fought and lost  to cancer, Batten Disease, and other rare diseases that have no cures. 
 These children are every bit as valuable, precious, and worthy of love as any "healthy" child.   These children are some of the bravest fighters I have ever had the opportunity to meet. These children are warriors.   All they know is fight, every breath is a struggle, but they keep going.  They're resilient. They're an every day lesson in life and love. 
I don't wish it on anyone and I don't understand the unfairness,  but I don't fear the ability to love unconditionally those who are different, sick, or "incurable".
So, loss, I don't willingly embrace it, but I understand it's purpose in life. 
I have said my goodbyes when the time has come,  I have listened and watched for the last few breaths,  I have felt the breathless sobs of the loved ones left behind, embraced the outstretched arms,  felt the relentless tears roll down off of cheeks and soak through the clothing that drapes my shoulders.   I've been there, felt it, comforted it, cursed it, denied it, and finally accepted it. 
And...if you're still here at the end of this long dissertation I just wrote,  I will give more honorable mention to these other "non-fears" cause we need some levity! 
Financial ruin, credit card debt, body odor, running out of gas, passing gas in inappropriate situations, karaoke, public speaking, making a complete and total ass of your myself, having my heart broken, saying "I love you " and meaning it, stretch marks, acts of nature, flying, and ever increasing chin hair.   Yeah, whattadya gonna do?  Just roll with it! Come on, we have got to get through this together!!!!
Next week...{7} Wants
I might, just might, go all Veruka Salt on you!!!
xOxoXoxOXoooX
XO ,
PS - I feel better now.  I do.  Writing.  Makes some of the funk go away.

{9} Loves

It's Tuesday and time for the weekly You Challenge

it is Week 2

and (in no particular order) these are my 9 Loves:

1. Great writers, like Andrea Balt who blow my mind with pieces like:

The Crazies Manifesto

that inspire me to write like this: Stand UP

& Tyler Knott who makes my heart beat a little faster when I read his words:

Source: google.co.uk via Lucy on Pinterest

2. My family 

{these are just the regulars ,^ that's my mom!^  this family goes on and on and on...}

3. Coconut.  Yes, the tropical fruit. 

Just a few months ago my aunt told me that I got it from my Grandpa Joe.  

He was from the Phillipines and he had a serious love of coconut flavored anything 

Apparently, it was in his blood and that's why it's in mine too. 

{this is my Grandpa: Joseph Prado Aquino}

4. Music - it floods my ears, my house, my car, my life

...oh let me count the ways I love, love, love music!

What's the quote?  "Music is love set on fire"

You get my drift. 

5. Travel - do I even have to explain this? <3

Source: prettystuff.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

6. Summertime - sunshine on my skin, BBQs, kids out of school and free, July 4th, my birthday, tans, popsicles, beachy hair, lazy days, pedicures, sundresses, flip-flops, trips to the beach, concerts in the park, good times, good friends, great weather, oh Summer, may you always come around every year to remind us to be wild & free.

7. Tattoos - current count: {10}

{flower tattoo/Hawaii, compass rose tattoo/Austin, my back, my quarter sleeve front/back, my 31st b-day present}

{two foot tatts/2 ankle tatts, my sister and I have matching Celtic knot tattoos for sisterhood, my tatts on display}

8.  my friends

need I say more?  I didn't think so.

9. I love this house, this is my dream house.

 I don't even know where I got this picture, it's been downloaded on my computer for a number of years now, 

so if I'm infringing on anyone's copyrights, forgive me. 

I have dream - of a house like this, on a big piece of property where the weather gets a little sticky, the days are a little slower and easier, all of the neighbors are at least "down the road", and all of my loves, old and new come to stay, come to play, and come to make happy memories.

10 1/2 (oops) 9 1/2...thunderstorms...oh, I love thunderstorms.

They are like fireworks, I just stand and stare in awe. 

<3

PS - it's also the day for the GFC Blog Hop with Melissa,  don't forget to head over there and say hi!!

I am just {me}

Well hi there,

I’m Lauren.

 But my friends, well, they call me Lolo, or Lo, or LC.

There's a few things about me you should know.  
You can do it fast, and click {here} for the stats.
Or you can keep reading, and I'll tell you a little story.

I'm thirty…{one} and proud of it. The way I see it, it’s an unapologetic place to be. 

I’ve got a lot of living and learning left to do, but you know, what I’ve come to realize over the last few years and certainly through the school of hard knocks that was my 20's is that when the music stops, the dust settles,  and the sun goes down:

I am just me.

I am a story still being written, unfiltered, flawed, imperfectly yet perfectly one-of-a-kind, 

& very firm believer that the best is yet to come.

I am a 911 operator and Police/Fire Dispatcher going on 10 years now.

I was a Police Cadet/Intern for 5 years prior to that, so yes, that is half of my lifetime and I do bleed Blue.  Starting my career very early has turned out to be bittersweet.  

It has heavily shaped and formed my opinion of the world and the way that I see life in general. 

I won’t lie to you: public service is hard, some days more than others…but it is rewarding. 

It’s the selfish, mean ugliness & evil of humankind.

But…it’s also the miracles, the Good Samaritans, being in the right place at the right time,
 and the chance to work with some of the most selfless men & women who are every day willing to give 
and, unfortunately, have given their lives for others. 

"Greater love has no man than this, 
that he lay down his life for another."
John 15:13 

So hey, while we’re at it, because I am subject to the scrutiny:
 this blog and the opinions shared herein are solely mine and do not reflect those of my employer. 

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, why am I here?

I got stories lemme tell ya.
 I try to find the funny in it all, and well-placed sarcasm is my second language. 
I am passionate for finding the right words to describe life, 
to create laughter, tears, or comfort.  
I am a communicator by trade and I am a writer by heart. 

I owe my love of writing to Mrs. Johnson, a teacher who not only broke the mold, but made the mold.  She is the teacher that teachers should aspire to be.  She saw talent and passion and "brilliance", as she called it, in me when I was floundering as a student who could barely string a sentence together.   She saved me and she will always be a cornerstone in the foundation that has allowed me to be successful in my life since then.

Am I new to blogging?  No. Not exactly.
I have "blogged" (see: poured my heart out) for about 4 years now.  

But I didn’t publicize it very widely.  In fact, only a handful of my friends knew I was writing, some of my best friends only found out very recently. 
My blogger beginnings: Karma's Punchline is my heart on my sleeve, my online journal, my catharsis, my therapy, my best friend, my bucket list, my mirror, and now it's what's become part of the road map of how I arrived to my here and now.  

Linking it here for you all, my new, bigger audience, well it's like leaving your diary open on the kitchen table because you're not ashamed or afraid to let your loved ones in.  
It's something you grow into I suppose.  

So, why a new blog?  

Source: middlenameconfused.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Well, I figured it was time for a new chapter.  I struggled with even creating a new blog for fear of abandoning my last 4 years worth of my heart in phrase, in prose, and in the reading between those lines, but then I came to realize that that blog will always be there for me.  
It's like going back home, or going to grandma's house.  
It's the familiar, the foundation, the good memories, the place you can be yourself, vulnerable, happy, lackluster...
it will always be there, my landmark, my North Star in writing to remind me about a girl that I used to be and a woman I aspire to become. 

 I decided to start this blog, about Me & My Beautiful Mess as a new challenge and a new chapter and jumped in with both feet.  I found a certain excitement in the Blogger world that I kept running across as of late.  I wanted to share with these crafty women (and a few good men) who are creating a community through shared stories, creative endeavors, and public peeks into their every lives.  
I've found time and time again that good stories, good blogs, they're like hearing good lyrics, the ones in the songs that come on when you least expect it and the words, well they feel like they were written just for you - a reassurance that you're not the only one who thought, felt, or wanted something you couldn't quite verbalize.  
What are our words, our stories, and our lives, if we cannot share them with each other?  

What is this blog about? 
I really struggled with that in the last few weeks.  After years of not giving a second thought about my given topic and letting my heart guide my fingertips over the keyboard, I had a little panic attack about what I would or could or should write here in this chapter in my life.
What's my niche?  Photography, cooking, weight loss, fashion, humor, being single, travel, music...gaaahh!!! Just pick one already!!!  I started to get panicky and then I had a little back to Jesus talk with myself (literally at one point during the last couple of months, I was on my knees, physically, praying for some kind of relief, understanding, and comfort for a number of things in my life) and  so I put myself in check.   Get it together kid!  


I have this other thought and idea that I've formed on my own but also read that others are struggling with too.  
A thought that blogging is narcissistic (for lack of a better word), it's self-indulgent, that it's motives should be questioned.  

Well, to that I say this, that could go for everything in life.   
Questioning your motives isn't a bad thing. 
 One of the best practices I've learned from yoga is to set your intention. 
Why do we indulge in the things we put our well placed time and effort into?  
It's true, you only live once (yeah, *groan* YOLO, well in my case LOLO, ha!), so manage your time wisely.  
Having encountered that thought made me really question my intentions
but then, ah-ha!, you see I came to my senses and went back to what I already knew, 
what I was already well versed in writing about.
 My "niche" is life.  
My life.
The good, the bad, the ugly, the mess. 
The moments I'm most proud of, the ones that I'm ashamed of, 
the ones that make me giggle like a school girl, 
and cry until the tears run dry.

{source}

My life, not unlike all of yours, is full and busy.
I can't make promises to blog as often as maybe I should, to always be politically correct,
to refrain from cursing when it's applicable,
 to link up every week, or even remember to hit spell check some days, 
but what I can promise is that you'll get honesty & sincerity,
laughter & levity, frustration & hope, and downright silliness.
I promise that I'll write about the things that make my heart beat, 
and that you'll not only get the highlight reel but the outtakes.

You know, those scenes that start to scroll on the big screen after the credits roll, 
the ones that you walk back in the theatre for and sit down to laugh at?  
Yeah, those too.
Cause jeeze, you know, you have to laugh at those messy moments in life,
the unpredictable ones, the unscripted gag reel that is maybe embarrassing sometimes, but is oh so relatable. 
It's some of those shared moments that have brought me the best friendships of my life.

 Let's just all find some ways to laugh with each other, ok?
 And since my middle initials are D.R.,I feel like I have the right to hand out this one Rx:
Laughter is a great medicine, maybe even healthier than an apple a day,
let's indulge and if someone questions that you're partaking in it too much,
well just tell them that Lolo said it was ok.

So with love & laughter I hope you'll join me in this thing well all call Life:

Sincerely, honestly, messily yours, 

{+} 1

How was your weekend?

is what I heard as I sat down at the beginning of my shift last night. 

Uhhmmm....I had to think hard about what I did this weekend. 

I know I did stuff...but it's all kind of a blur.

Except for the wedding. 

I wore a new dress, I took a bunch of pictures, I had a good time.

{maxis, chevrons, bold stripes, oh my!}

  

I was the +1 for this wedding, the once removed guest, the friend of the friend.

{my date}

I cannot lie, I kind of went with the Wedding Crashers mentality. 

I sure didn't expect to find another date to take home with me, but I was definitely there for the food, the wine, and the entertainment.

{proof of curled hair that I knew would eventually just melt down my back outside}

I know, I know, it sounds terrible, being a wedding crasher, but I met my obligation as the +1, made nice with everyone at the table, and told the bride she looked beautiful, which she did, as all brides should look on their wedding day.

Even in the 100* wedding outdoors, sweet mother of industrial fans!

{Kelly's Mama bought us all electric fans for the heatwave, mine lit up, Kel's had Scooby, yup,that's how we roll}

{So you see, this is Kathy, she was my neighbor at table #9, I convinced her to have a "model" moment in the fan with me...ha! she said it looked like we were falling out of a plane.
Well, the fan was the size of a jet engine, so touche, Kathy, touche!}

{try as I may, and with the encouragement of the lady in the big,  black, floppy, Kentucky Derby hat sitting behind me (and maybe some wine), I just keep trying to work it!!! with the wind.  Look Ma, like this?!}

{I kept insisting that I was merely a brunette, but then this picture of my hair in the sunlight surfaced and it explained the  stained white table cloth, the wine soaked clutch, and the deceased wasp that tried to make friends with me at.table.number.nine. Apparently, you get a little unruly when you go red.  Mmmhmmm that's right.}

I refused to get up when All The Single Ladies started playing...and don't we all love that tradition where you are heckled to stand up and join in with every single woman in a 5 block radius, the younger ones under 18 being shot glances by their fathers, and the older ones, the aunts & the divorcees not getting eye contact at all.  Keep singing Beyonce, my unruly butt stayed right where it needed to be, in my seat, in front of the fan, and behind my champagne glass. 

{I just refuse to get into the bouquet hungry mosh pit}

Even if I refuse to play tackle for the bouquet, I am just a girl (and a photographer and a very creative soul),  so of course I noticed all the little wedding things that I'm sure took months to plan: the flowers, the table decor, all the pinteresty details, the accent colors, the way the light shone through the trees, the bridesmaids shoes, the up-do's, the delicately tied ribbons in pink and green, and finally a detail that was pointed out to me by my date: the name of the bride's late mother front row and center and then again in the brides bouquet a picture of the two of them when the bride was just a baby. 

There's always a moment during weddings that I just kind of love the most.  It's not the I-dos or the first kiss or the vows...it's the moment when the nervous, excited groom sees the bride for the first time.  It's the moment that the rest of the audience usually neglects because they're all turned around looking at the bride.  Yeah, she gets her dues, it's pretty much her day, but I always like to sneak a little glance at him and see his face light up when she first steps into view.  I know, I'm such a romantic, but you know they say it's not about the number of breaths you take but it's the moments that take your breath away.

{ Hey, just breathe, buddy, just breathe.}

Ironically, I was almost late to this shindig, solely for getting caught up on 1) sleep and 2) YouTube videos of the.one.  the.only.  my.cinematic.love-of-all-romance-movies: The Notebook.

*sigh*

I just have to share.

First I stumbled upon this (again):

(Girl crush alert!  She is so damn adorable!)

and then I landed on this (for the millionteenth time):

{one of my absolute favorite parts of this movie...the couple that's not afraid to tell it like it is...
"so it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard, and we're gonna have to work at this every day but I wanna do that, because I want you, I want all of you forever, you and me every day...picture your life...don't you take the easy way out...what do you want?"}

and finally cause I just love these two together and that Ryan Gosling swagger and mischievous smile and that look he gets in his eyes... (oh chil' I'm fanning myself just thinking about it! I'm all veclempt!)

So that was the highlight of my weekend. 

The hot, sweaty, coral colored, wine-stained, romantical, wind-swept, unruly highlight.

Congratulations to Mike & Jourdan, forever each other's +1. 

{and be still my Ryan Gosling beating heart}

xoXoxOOxxOooOoooX

~ Lauren