{Dear} Friday v.4

Dear Friday, well hello there.  I thought you might never get here, but you never fail me. You see I have finally resigned myself to your late hour, having made it through the day and the week.  Dear Red Wine, yes you, I like your sassy bottle curves and your sneaky little smile.  Mmmm...  

Dear Billy Currington (double mmmm...), if you could only see me spinning around this big candlelit room with a glass in my hand, well, that voice of yours is always doing something right.   Dear Sore Body, yeah, you.  You keep wanting to give up on me one muscle a a time, but surely and slowly we're getting it back.  No, no.  No more giving up and giving in.  We're both in this for the long haul.  I have to live somewhere, and it's not longer going to be a lazy garbage dump.   Dear Lynn, Jill, Ashley, Gail, and Michelle, thanks for the nods, the emails, the kudos, and the encouragement this week. Dear Aunt Liz & Uncle Tom, thank you for the invite.  Tomorrow's Cal v. Nevada College Football game is going to be quite amazing.  Somehow I have managed to make it to 31 never having been to a live College Football Game.  I think it's high time to do some jumping, shouting, and screaming!!   Dear Summer, I am sad to see you go.  I feel like we were just getting comfy together.  I can't believe you're gone again.  Like another lost love...*sigh*, but I have hope you'll be back some day.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.  You know how much I love you even if I sometimes complain about how uncomfortable you make me. Dear Family, we knew it was coming, let's make the best of our time with our blessed, sweet Uncle Mickey.  3-6 months isn't a long time, but it's an invitation to make the most if it and so many people don't get that at all.  Don't be afraid.  There's nothing to fear.  It's just going to hurt for a while.  Don't let it disable you from spending the few good days and moments we have left with him.   Dear Louise, you didn't get a warning.  No one should ever outlive their children.  I can't think of the words to say to you to help be a comfort, other than you have my thoughts and my prayers.  Dear readers, whoever you are.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Whether it's the actual words, a kind gesture, a moment of time our of your day dedicated to thinking of them and simply saying that they're on your mind.  Do it.  Do it now, do it consistently, do it sincerely   


Hoping everyone has a great weekend! XO, 

a {beacon} in a storm

If you know me on Facebook, you've probably already seen this. 

I don't keep up with TV much these days, so other than the headlines that I see when I am online, I haven't been immersed in the nonstop news coverage lately. However, I want to share this audio clip of the radio traffic from the horrific Aurora, CO shooting last week.  Ironically, I sat in a movie theatre for nearly three hours on Wednesday morning, a sneak preview before the sneak preview for our local law enforcment community.  I sat there in the dark with a dozen armed off-duty officers while we watched a movie about a masked man who was a misunderstood hero who refused to give up. 

A quote from the movie "A hero can be anyone."

Listen to (this) at your discretion.  I have been a 911 operator and Police & Fire Dispatcher for 10 years, a police cadet and intern for 5 years prior to that.  Fifteen years of "exposure" and this audio was very stressful for me to listen to.  Ten years of taking a gamut of calls and being on the other end of pursuits, fires, shots fired, and fights by no means makes me immune to any of the emotion that comes along with witnessing, in audio or in text, the absolute terror of what happened in that theatre and in the very long minutes afterwards.  My thoughts:

I have so much to say about this...not sure where to start...this is all of us, could be any of us, any dispatcher, any cop, any paramedic, anyone who handles this kind of chaos on a regular basis...it's all of our nightmares...that was my first thought when I heard about it, how the rescuers handled it? How did they possibly do it? For us in dispatch, its not just about saving citizens and the innocent, it's listening to it all go to absolute shit in the background and not being able to throw enough resources at at a situation fast enough, listening to the body count stack up, not knowing if all the suspects are accounted for, and always doing all we can to keep all of our responders safe...it is nothing but fight or flight, the collective holding of our breath, but moving as quickly as you can. It's counting down the seconds, the minutes, knowing how quickly the loss of life is permanent if you don't get EMS to a dying patient. This is what I do, this is what so many of you reading this do, but it doesn't make it any easier to listen to. I hear the stress and the anxiety from the officers, and yes, the horror of finding a child shot in a theater full of other bodies. I hear them asking and asking and asking for more help, I hear their voices quicken, and the pleading in their words as they watch people bleed and suffer.  This dispatcher did an amazing job, I don't doubt for a second that she had incredible backup in her dispatch center with her.  She was a beacon in a storm...a constant reassurance, the voice that said "I heard you, we're sending more, you're not alone".  This is the recorded section of one very tragic, disastrous event that has the world's attention now, but this is the taste of the worst case scenario we are all trained to handle. For all those who responded to this tragedy in Colorado, may God be with you...job well done, may you never have to face anything like this again. For the families of the victims, I can only listen and watch from here and pray for you. We cannot keep senseless acts like this from happening, there will always be madmen, but there will always be the good guys, the officers, the firefighters, the dispatchers that will come along and fight the good fight, run towards the danger, and be willing to lay down their lives for another. 

{pin}

I've been participating in SheReadsTruth and the Daily Prayer Devotional - Day #8 was this verse which I read and journaled about just the other night, just before I started seeing the early morning headlines:

Timothy 2:1-2 I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— ² for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

My personal prayer after reading that verse: God, grant the wisdom & discernment to those who lead this Nation.  Guide them, protect them, honor their sacrifice.  Let them serve you & protect us and our rights to believe, speak, and preach your name freely.  God, Bless America.


One constant I was taught as a child was to respect authority, even not so much as the man and politically my father was very vocal about who he thought should hold office, but we were always taught to honor the postion of authority that is how we learned to pray.  Now I extend this prayer beyond our just our leaders and decision makers and make it for all of the dispatchers, law enforcement officers, firefighters, paramedics, EMTs, and our Military servicemen and woman who keep us safe every single day and every single night.   I thank you, I stand next to you proudly, I honor your sacrifice.  I know that no amount of gun-control or counter-intelligence will keep all the madmen at bay.  Always and never simply do not exist in this world, but that will not keep us from fighting the good fight and continuing to sacrifice ourselves, in part and in whole, to keep others safe. 

For all the responders from last Friday morning's tragedy, mostly nameless and faceless to those of us watching from afar, but unknown and unseen, you each rose above and beyond, unwavering.  A hero that day was not just anyone, it was everyone.  It was everyone of you who gave their all and will continue to bear the emotional brunt of what you saw and heard.  Be proud, stand tall, and know that you did everything you could have done despite the circumstances.  Peace may not come easily or consistenly over the next days, weeks, and months, but I pray that it will come eventually for each and everyone of you.

{refinishing}

on the tail of my long weekend, as I stepped out of the shower and into my uniform for the long graveyard shift that awaited me, I had this thought:

I feel like an old piece of furniture right now

I have a great base, strong structure, I'm made of good, solid materials that will endure the test of time

but I feel like I'm in need of some TLC lately

someone to strip down all those layers of old lacquer and buff out the dings & dents collected over the years

someone with the care to make the grain shine again

refinishing

{and I know of Someone who was a carpenter}

I know a little bit about refinishing myself

in highschool, when I had no nagging to-do lists and to much time during the Summer,

I took on a couple of refinishing projects

I have a couple of those pieces in my house still

I know what it's like to brush on the layers of paint thinner

 to wait and then scrape off the layers of paint and gloss

to go into the cracks and details with small tools to remove all the gunk

to sand and buff, with the grain, maybe against it in some spots

to then to stand back after you clean it all up and see it for it's beauty, raw

but polish, polish just makes it shine a little bit better

it protects it from the elements

I'm no IKEA, I'm the piece you keep in the family

the one made with nails and not particle board pegs

the one that has a few stories in it's wear

the one that gets a by-line in the will

my "Structure" - I didn't forget it was there all this time, I just ignored it, pushed it away when it wasn't convenient, put it up in the rafters, tucked away out of sight out of mind

my heartache, he is made of some good materials too, he's got a lot of dents and dings, but funny thing is, even with the heartache that eventually came out of our relationship, he had no idea, probably doesn't still, but he was sanding me down in his own way

{pin}

funny thing, romantically, I told him that we'd be a good challenge for each other

that we'd be good pressure for each other

the kind of pressure that makes diamonds shine from the dust

he agreed

but, romantically, we never met on those grounds

 and now just lately I'm seeing it:

a complicated but consistent friendship, turned unrequited love, now a long, awkward silence, not sure if it will ever return again, but still laced with mutual respect and caring

= sandpaper

{ah-ha!}

he was never afraid to say Who he believed in,

that went against the grain of the others his age & in this day in our singledom

I noticed and that made me comfortable to talk about Him too

in talking about Him, Who is my Base and my Structure

I began talking directly to Him again

{out of the rafters, back into sight}

praying, I started praying again
praying daily
praying hard
praying with my whole heart


{these lyrics: ...I live here on my knees...
Something always brings me back to you}

 like any good paradox

when our friendship became my heartache

when my layers of shine got big cracks in it

  when the big dent in my structure felt like it was going to make me give way and start to teeter

having been reminded Who was in charge

by the very thing that had me feeling like crumbling,
I realized my strength

I remembered what I was made of

and now I pray for refinishing

my heartache isn't the only one sanding me into something new these days

I started really digging into this blogging thing in these last few weeks,

I've come across some other beautiful pieces of furniture.

 I read their stories, the words they're not afraid to share, the encouragment that they unapologetic-ally gave, I read between their lines, I pay attention to their details,  and I see the beauty of other well-made pieces, ones that are made of good materials, and will stand the test of time

these are the few that I have come across, just the few so far
{I'm sure that there are so many more that I'll come across soon}
 not to be gritty or adverse, but they, and probably without knowing and just by being their own proud, strong, and faithful selves, these ladies, by their testimony, have polished me as well:

 My favorite verse over the last couple of months, the one that applies making diamonds from dust:  

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

As is any good process, there is more work to be done,

but this piece {me} is here to stay and here to shine. 

xo ~ Lauren