{overload}

I'm going to try and keep this as simple as I can. 

Wish me luck.

I'm usually pretty positive here in this blog about my life full of "hopes, dreams, and dresses", and yes, I do try and make adventures out of my weekends whenever I can if for nothing but nostalgia's sake

...but...

I'm not that cut and dry. 

(and if you know me at all, you know that I am anything but simple)

It's not all Instagrammy goodness and chevron striped dresses.

{abeautifulmessinside.com}

I'm tired. {graveyard shift work is not friendly}

I'm on overload. {mostly self imposed a because "no" isn't in my vocabulary as much as it should be}

I don't feel particularly enlightened lately. {but I don't feel like completely giving up either}

What's gnawing at me?

Well a few things...

 I'm the queen of multi-tasking but even I get overwhelmed from time to time. 

First off...

I am not new to blogging or writing at all, but it was always just a solo-singularity catharsis for me.

The social circus that come along with this new round of blogging has proved to be a bit daunting for me - both for being new to it and trying to jump in with both feet.

Before I get ahead of myself, by circus, I don't mean that with one bit of insult. 

 Heck the circus is pretty damn entertaining, but imagine being a kid there for the first time not knowing what to expect...lions roaring, clowns, dancing bears, acrobats, majestic elephants, dancing ponies, cotton candy and bags full of popcorn. 

Sensory.Overload.

If you're in the Blogger world, you should totally get what I'm talking about.

There's so much incredible content out there, so many bloggers doing amazing things, 

so many niches, photography, DIY, how-to, link ups, coffee dates, Wordless Wednesdays, Meatless Mondays, Thoughtful Thursdays, Instagram Fridays. 

 I look at all these incredible blogs and I don't get green with envy,

but I get a little bit yellow with wonder. 

 How do you do it all?  How do you ladies (and gentlemen) manage to work, take care of your families, your spouses, your charities, your hobbies, go to church, exercise, run marathons, bake cookies, and write about it nearly every day. 

How do you, how do you...???


The bills...
because they're totally piled up, I'm just trying to keep afloat, and as much as I love (can I say LOVE) having my space all to myself and now that "my place" so much more of a reflection of me than it ever has been before, I think I'm going to have to take on a roommate to get things straightened out for awhile.

My heart is...
well, I'm not gonna keep going all Taylor Swift with that thing
 1) that's just not me and 2)  I've {mostly} resolved that I am not the keeper of my destiny, there's a plan out there, and like Steve Job's says, you cannot see the dots connecting in the future, only when you look back, but you have to believe in it, in the plan, in whatever you choose to call it.
 I call it my Faith in God.

In the meantime, I do what I can do.
I set new boundaries.
&

I pray. 

{this is a force of calm in my chaotic everyday}

My body is tired exhausted.
I put myself on blast last week about my lack of fitness goals and regimen, and while I've had the most amazing support from my friends, my body is in that initial shock phase where all my muscles and joints are doing the collective WTF?! every time I move or lift something heavier than Styrofoam cup. 

I'll get over it, muscle memory is an impressive thing, and I'm actually craving a workout now, but I'm safely tucked away at work and at 6am when I get off, sleep will come knocking again before the gym does.
I'll get there soon enough.  I'm on a mission now, it's not just a pit stop.

{one of my favorite new finds, abeautifulmessinside.com
if not for the name alone, I found her recently and love  her site and her daily Facebook pick me ups.}  

I'm not looking for sympathy, so please save that for someone else who actually might really need it.

I'm just venting. 

I'm just trying to leave it all on the proverbial floor here on this blog. 

 Like in yoga studio, where I find I think so clearly, not just on the surface, but down in the depths of the what's bothering me.  

The heart of the problem. 

I think & I stretch & I sweat.

{from abeautifulmessinside.com}

I find that I keep seeing the same messages coming at me just a word or two at at time.
So, I am going to type them out right here and right now.

Because just like my fitness confession, breathing life into these simple words here for my little part of the world to see, well, it places them on a platform.  

Exposes them to the light of understanding. 

It gives them life.

Simplify. 

Be still.

Sleep.

Rest.

Let it be.

{just breathe}

~ Lauren 

WIWW: chevrons & {scriptures}

So, I simply cannot NOT share my favorite new piece of Summer attire with y'all. 

I have to confess I've worn this skirt three times now since I got it 10 days ago. 

I love this chevron print, the fabric is totally breezy and comfortable for these 100*+ days we've been having in California this last week. 

{blue tank - from last season - & grey chevron maxi skirt both Old Navy}

I really love chevron print anything right now in a serious, serious way. 

It matches with everything, and it is just flat out slimming. 

{yeah, yeah, I didn't get a booty shot, but let me just say that it will make your bum look good, which is nice cause there's that ol' rule about stripes making you wider.  Not so, just not the case with this skirt I tell ya!}

I even did Old Navy a solid and wrote them the first review on it {here}.

Really, at under $25 and then with a few coupon codes, I think this new fave was under $20 and free shipping too.  I love it!

{playing in new wine barrel planter, teal feather earrings from Charlotte Russe}

Outside of that, my long standing favorite trend for the last few years, is feather bling. 

I just think they're cool & funky, total dress up or dress down. 

{spotted feather necklace from Charlotte Russe}

Outside of jabbering about my new duds & feathers, I am still working on finding that balance between being in the moment and present in the day and finding a way to keep writing, taking pictures, and blogging.  Capturing words and images to share with the world has been a passion of mine for years now, but blogging for the last 4 years was really just for me as a therapy.

This blog now is a new chapter in my crazy life, My {beautiful} Mess. 

Since I've been branching out, linking up, and sharing my thoughts and daily inspirations, I've made some great new friends:

(Melissa @ Life of A Not So Ordinary Wife) & (Sharon @ MamasteNYC),

and come to find out all this writing has inspired

my IRL (In Real Life) friends to start or get back to writing again too. 

{pin}

Lynn (who just gets me)

Mellissa (my "Sisterwife")

Stefanie (who knows my dramas and always makes me smile)

&

Gail  (busy mama/good friend who was going to give up on writing until I started sharing)

I had been thinking about staring a new blog for a few months now, but a series of personal dramas, disappointments, and well, just life's daily challenges really prompted me to get back into it {and praying!!} sooner rather than later.

In perusing all the great blogs that I've found lately, I started seeing side bar links to

I wanted to get in on the next Daily Devo and well, just today they've started a new one,
{I Will Hear You}
This is exactly what I've been doing on my own and needing lately, so it's so much greater to have a group of other's to do this with and help keep me on track.

So now on top of doing the #julyphotoaday challenge I'm going to do my best to keep up with all the ladies @SheReadsTruth

Looking forward to keep on keeping up with everyone. 

Stay cool, stay classy, stay connected.

~ Lauren

{refinishing}

on the tail of my long weekend, as I stepped out of the shower and into my uniform for the long graveyard shift that awaited me, I had this thought:

I feel like an old piece of furniture right now

I have a great base, strong structure, I'm made of good, solid materials that will endure the test of time

but I feel like I'm in need of some TLC lately

someone to strip down all those layers of old lacquer and buff out the dings & dents collected over the years

someone with the care to make the grain shine again

refinishing

{and I know of Someone who was a carpenter}

I know a little bit about refinishing myself

in highschool, when I had no nagging to-do lists and to much time during the Summer,

I took on a couple of refinishing projects

I have a couple of those pieces in my house still

I know what it's like to brush on the layers of paint thinner

 to wait and then scrape off the layers of paint and gloss

to go into the cracks and details with small tools to remove all the gunk

to sand and buff, with the grain, maybe against it in some spots

to then to stand back after you clean it all up and see it for it's beauty, raw

but polish, polish just makes it shine a little bit better

it protects it from the elements

I'm no IKEA, I'm the piece you keep in the family

the one made with nails and not particle board pegs

the one that has a few stories in it's wear

the one that gets a by-line in the will

my "Structure" - I didn't forget it was there all this time, I just ignored it, pushed it away when it wasn't convenient, put it up in the rafters, tucked away out of sight out of mind

my heartache, he is made of some good materials too, he's got a lot of dents and dings, but funny thing is, even with the heartache that eventually came out of our relationship, he had no idea, probably doesn't still, but he was sanding me down in his own way

{pin}

funny thing, romantically, I told him that we'd be a good challenge for each other

that we'd be good pressure for each other

the kind of pressure that makes diamonds shine from the dust

he agreed

but, romantically, we never met on those grounds

 and now just lately I'm seeing it:

a complicated but consistent friendship, turned unrequited love, now a long, awkward silence, not sure if it will ever return again, but still laced with mutual respect and caring

= sandpaper

{ah-ha!}

he was never afraid to say Who he believed in,

that went against the grain of the others his age & in this day in our singledom

I noticed and that made me comfortable to talk about Him too

in talking about Him, Who is my Base and my Structure

I began talking directly to Him again

{out of the rafters, back into sight}

praying, I started praying again
praying daily
praying hard
praying with my whole heart


{these lyrics: ...I live here on my knees...
Something always brings me back to you}

 like any good paradox

when our friendship became my heartache

when my layers of shine got big cracks in it

  when the big dent in my structure felt like it was going to make me give way and start to teeter

having been reminded Who was in charge

by the very thing that had me feeling like crumbling,
I realized my strength

I remembered what I was made of

and now I pray for refinishing

my heartache isn't the only one sanding me into something new these days

I started really digging into this blogging thing in these last few weeks,

I've come across some other beautiful pieces of furniture.

 I read their stories, the words they're not afraid to share, the encouragment that they unapologetic-ally gave, I read between their lines, I pay attention to their details,  and I see the beauty of other well-made pieces, ones that are made of good materials, and will stand the test of time

these are the few that I have come across, just the few so far
{I'm sure that there are so many more that I'll come across soon}
 not to be gritty or adverse, but they, and probably without knowing and just by being their own proud, strong, and faithful selves, these ladies, by their testimony, have polished me as well:

 My favorite verse over the last couple of months, the one that applies making diamonds from dust:  

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17

As is any good process, there is more work to be done,

but this piece {me} is here to stay and here to shine. 

xo ~ Lauren